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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about this meal?

241 replies

pinotnow · 10/02/2023 19:41

I have quite a difficult/distant relationship with my parents for all sorts of reasons. There are some addiction issues (mainly controlled) with one parent and we don't live close by. As a result I haven't seen them for about 2 years. This is unusual for us as we would usually meet up a few times a year but I think covid has made it acceptable not to meet as much and there are some health issues on their side that may have become useful excuses not to meet.

We live 3.5 hours away by car and I am driving down next week during half-term with my two dc, who are teens. I've just come off the phone with dm who has just said that we will be ordering a fast food take-out for lunch. The dc and I will be arriving at lunch time or thereabouts and then driving back that same day.

AIBU to think this is not a substantial meal to offer someone doing a 7 hour round trip and to feel sad and tired about the whole thing? I can't imagine saying this to my dc in 15 years time? Money isn't an issue. Time/practicalities are, but still.. It's probably not all/really about the meal but...AIBU?

OP posts:
MarthaMumbles · 10/02/2023 19:46

No, unless there are other issues it's a pretty shit effort for a child you haven't seen in years.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 10/02/2023 19:48

Why does a takeawy bother you? Is it to do with feeling that there should be more effort going into the meal? I wouldn't mind if this was what i was offered but as you acknowledged there seem to be other things that are upsetting you.

LimeTwists · 10/02/2023 19:48

Surely it’s as substantial as you make it- just order more! If it’s because it’s fast food that you are turning your nose up, then I’d say that if they are paying and already know you eat that sort of food then they are entitled to pick that. Just take food on the journey if you’re worried you’ll be hungry. It’s only lunch.

LeapingCat · 10/02/2023 19:48

They might be thinking it’s what your teens would like? Most teens would see that as a good treat, so maybe your parents are focused on that.

BellaJuno · 10/02/2023 19:51

Presumably it’s your choice to do a 7 hour round trip in one day, and maybe your parents think the teens will be happy with it, or maybe they’d rather spend time with you for the short time you’re there rather than be stuck cooking? It’s not immediately screaming terrible to me.

monicagellerbing · 10/02/2023 19:53

What a fuss over nothing! Food is food! What do you want? A banquet prepared in your honour? You're being ridiculous

RachelGreensHair · 10/02/2023 19:53

I'd be totally fine with that and not sure why you're so upset.

KarmaStar · 10/02/2023 19:54

Perhaps they don't want to waste time cooking they would rather spend time with you,although a casserole would be ready prepared really,or they are not in great health and not up to it or are unsure what teenagers like to eat and thought they would prefer a take away?
Until you know why don't assume it's something negative and personal.🌈

Original poster
pinotnow · 10/02/2023 19:55

It's not really my choice to do it as a round trip as staying overnight there isn't an option. We could do a hotel, but this makes it very expensive and, while I can afford it, it would drastically eat into my disposable income. Then to be offered a cheap lunch and to still have to pay for a decent meal elsewhere for my teens makes it quite a substantial cost to me.

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 10/02/2023 19:55

Why would a take away meal not be substantial? For me it’s the most substantial meal I can have and is seen as a treat.

zurala · 10/02/2023 19:56

I'm assuming you mean something like McDonald's? Yeah that's shit and I actually wouldn't want to go if it was that. I don't eat that kind of food.
Can you suggest going to a pub for lunch instead?
If I were having guests for lunch I'd cook something nice, it doesn't have to be fancy or extensive it even take ages to make, I wouldn't give someone fast food!

Nimbostratus100 · 10/02/2023 19:56

sounds like a treat

Swiftswatch · 10/02/2023 19:56

I can't imagine saying this to my dc in 15 years time?

You can’t imagine saying you’re going to order a takeaway??
Jesus, massive overreaction.

monicagellerbing · 10/02/2023 19:57

This has got to be a piss take?

EmmaDilemma5 · 10/02/2023 19:57

My kids love takeaways. As do I.

If my parents said they were ordering in pizza, I'd be much happier than an offer of egg sandwiches.

I think you're looking for reasons to be upset. It's lunch. People generally enjoy takeaways. If you don't, just pack some sandwiches with you?

plumduck · 10/02/2023 19:57

Would you be as pissed of if it were anyone else?

LaviniasBigBloomers · 10/02/2023 19:58

I understand that this isn't making you feel cared for in the way you would like to feel cared for.

However, they may have thought it was a treat for your teens. And it's perfectly substantial, you won't need a double lunch.

Swiftswatch · 10/02/2023 19:58

Then to be offered a cheap lunch and to still have to pay for a decent meal elsewhere for my teens makes it quite a substantial cost to me.

Why would your teens make you get them another meal though?

Hydie · 10/02/2023 19:58

So your kids will eat a take away followed by another meal elsewhere. What a pisstake. What a non issue. While I am sitting here enjoying my takeaway! You need to come down a peg or 2 OP!!

MavisMcMinty · 10/02/2023 19:59

I love a takeaway, but live as far from a takeaway as it’s possible to live, so this would be a real treat for me.

plumduck · 10/02/2023 19:59

And what is it? Fish and chips? Subway? Mcdonalds? All pretty substantial for lunch

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/02/2023 19:59

You haven’t seen them for years and they can’t even be arsed to cook you something decent.

Of course you’re hurt and disappointed.

Take a lot of car snacks and a nice picnic.

Original poster
pinotnow · 10/02/2023 20:00

Can I clarify - it's not a takeaway as in a Chinese/Indian/Pizza etc, the type where you have leftovers for lunch the next day. It's fast food, but delivered to the house. It's the type of thing that fills you up on the spot but then you are still hungry later. It won't be the main meal of the day, not for teens. I'll need to sort something out later - but we'll be on the road...

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 10/02/2023 20:00

If be fine with that, in fact I'd be thrilled. Takeaway is a treat for me and I'd appreciate anyone offering me a meal tbh.

But you've alluded to a lot more going on with your DM so it's likely you've hyper focused on this one issue when it's probably not the core of why you're feeling the way you are.

plumduck · 10/02/2023 20:00

Nandos? I'd love a nandos for lunch

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