To be upset about this meal?

[pinotnow]

I have quite a difficult/distant relationship with my parents for all sorts of reasons. There are some addiction issues (mainly controlled) with one parent and we don't live close by. As a result I haven't seen them for about 2 years. This is unusual for us as we would usually meet up a few times a year but I think covid has made it acceptable not to meet as much and there are some health issues on their side that may have become useful excuses not to meet.

We live 3.5 hours away by car and I am driving down next week during half-term with my two dc, who are teens. I've just come off the phone with dm who has just said that we will be ordering a fast food take-out for lunch. The dc and I will be arriving at lunch time or thereabouts and then driving back that same day.

AIBU to think this is not a substantial meal to offer someone doing a 7 hour round trip and to feel sad and tired about the whole thing? I can't imagine saying this to my dc in 15 years time? Money isn't an issue. Time/practicalities are, but still.. It's probably not all/really about the meal but...AIBU?

Who cares what the meal is? Isn't it the time spent that's important? If anything takeout is good, less time wasted cooking? YABU

Why do you go? How rude of her.

I get what you mean. It means you have to give your kids a filling dinner because lunch is a bit crap, but you’ll be driving, so it creates a problem.

@theleafandnotthetree

maybe they thought the teens wouldn’t eat a casserole or stew

@ladyofshertonabbas

how ridiculous

they can have sandwiches on the way home

its one day they won’t wither away

@pinotnow

if you and your teens get hungry on the way home why not just stop off at a pub or something and have a meal? Cheaper than staying at a hotel and it’ll give you a break from driving

Suppose it depends what the take away is. If it was something like fish and chips it would keep you full and satisfied for the whole day

I did already comment on this thread further down but just wanted to add another perspective. Perhaps your mum wants to optimise the amount of quality time she spends with you knowing she doesn't get to see you often, without having to be standing over the stove and then having all the washing up to do. I know at Christmas I invited my parents, brother and nephew over for a meal and I was really stressed the entire time. I just wanted to sit down and have a drink with everyone but I had to keep checking if things in the oven, plating stuff up, loading the dishwasher and serving everyone and I was getting so stressed that I was being snippy and snappy at everyone. I could see why your parents would want to eliminate that hassle to be honest. There is no reason why you can't have a substantial take away meal. There a lot of restaurant options offering take away on Deliveroo, Uber eats, Just eat etc. you could still have a nice dessert and a drink and sit down at the table. It doesn't have to be McDonalds- although I'm sure the kids would like that!

Yes and surely no one needs another big meal after fish and chips for lunch.
fish and chips is easy like 1000 cals

It's not really a problem though is it?

Make a packed lunch
Stop at the services
Stop at a pub/ Toby carvery/ Harvester
Or stop at any kind of establishment you fancy.

So many tone deaf posters on this thread giving a grown woman with teenage boys advice on what to pack on a long journey. How bloody patronising, she's raised teenage boys and got this far, and road trips don't phase her if she can do 7 hours in one day.
She's upset by the lack of effort on her parents part. Anyone talking about being them being incapable, surely some pre cooked meats, cheeses, bread, salad, baked potatoes etc is possible for most? I doubt OP would be pissed off if they genuinely were not capable / and sending M&S food ahead would make sense.

A close friend drove 7 miles to see their MIL and had to go to supermarket when they got there as she had nothing in. At least this DM is being proactive I guess.

That would be because she's said things like:

There are some addiction issues (mainly controlled) with one parent

which would lead to one lowering expectations, in my experience. And then has banged on about how hard it will be to drive home these bottomless pits.

It's the type of thing that fills you up on the spot but then you are still hungry later. It won't be the main meal of the day, not for teens. I'll need to sort something out later - but we'll be on the road...

The time teens will need this later meal is when I'll be on the second leg of my 7 hour round trip. So not ideal really.

to be offered a cheap lunch and to still have to pay for a decent meal elsewhere for my teens makes it quite a substantial cost to me.

Obviously there is the emotional side, but this is what was repeatedly said, hence suggestions for alternative approaches - only now she has decided to increase the "substantial cost" by booking a hotel.

Food is a love language

Is it bollocks.

Does it? I'd just pack a picnic or stop off at a chip shop when near home.

I would not be driving that far for one day no matter the circumstances or food. The ratio of driving to not driving is inevitably going to make it a shit day even if they did so a home cooked three course meal.

While it’s not the best effort from your parents I think it’s ok.
I always get nervous when I have to cater. I worry that the food won’t be nice enough. My cooking skills are adequate but nothing special.