Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about this meal?

241 replies

pinotnow · 10/02/2023 19:41

I have quite a difficult/distant relationship with my parents for all sorts of reasons. There are some addiction issues (mainly controlled) with one parent and we don't live close by. As a result I haven't seen them for about 2 years. This is unusual for us as we would usually meet up a few times a year but I think covid has made it acceptable not to meet as much and there are some health issues on their side that may have become useful excuses not to meet.

We live 3.5 hours away by car and I am driving down next week during half-term with my two dc, who are teens. I've just come off the phone with dm who has just said that we will be ordering a fast food take-out for lunch. The dc and I will be arriving at lunch time or thereabouts and then driving back that same day.

AIBU to think this is not a substantial meal to offer someone doing a 7 hour round trip and to feel sad and tired about the whole thing? I can't imagine saying this to my dc in 15 years time? Money isn't an issue. Time/practicalities are, but still.. It's probably not all/really about the meal but...AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
pinotnow · 10/02/2023 20:11

What do you mean my journey plan?? The distance is what it is, so not much I can plan to mitigate that.

OP posts:
plumduck · 10/02/2023 20:11

Autumndays22 · 10/02/2023 20:06

I hear you. If someone is making the effort to visit and travelling a long way, then a cooked meal is a courtesy that shows they care and have considered your needs. It’s not much when someone is doing a 7 hour round trip. Especially when that visitor is close family. I’d be upset too, OP

Money isn't an issue. Time/practicalities are, but still.. sounds like there's more to it than them not wanting to make an effort

Bunce1 · 10/02/2023 20:12

It really isn’t about the food. But you know that.

bloodywhitecat · 10/02/2023 20:12

It's the kind of thing my mother does, she wants me to drive 2.5 hours there and 2.5 hours back and if I am lucky I get a cup of tea while I am there. I am only ever allowed in her kitchen, if I am welcomed in at all. I guess there's a bigger back story to this than you are saying but it stings doesn't it.

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 10/02/2023 20:13

Is this about the size and filling nature of the food or that it’s cheap fast food? My kids (not teens) would need a further meal on the way back even if it were a 3 course meal. Their metabolism works like that. I might be able fill them with snacks. But I could take sandwiches for them to save myself some money.

plumduck · 10/02/2023 20:13

pinotnow · 10/02/2023 20:09

yes, kids may well want it but it doesn't really sustain them, and I'm the one who has to deal with that (and while driving), not parents or anyone else.

As to what it is- what does it matter? Fast food - so Macds, Bk, KFC, subway - that type of thing.

That's what many people have for lunch it's fine.

Stop being so ungrateful.

GelPens1 · 10/02/2023 20:14

Surely most have lunch mid-day and then dinner in the evening. Obviously you’d stop somewhere for dinner on the drive home. I’d be more miffed about the lack of effort considering you’re travelling a long way and you haven’t seen each other in years.

KatherineJaneway · 10/02/2023 20:15

Bunce1 · 10/02/2023 20:12

It really isn’t about the food. But you know that.

This ^^

OneTC · 10/02/2023 20:16

Just take sandwiches if you think the kids will need something else on the way back.

NerrSnerr · 10/02/2023 20:17

Whatever they had for lunch you'd still have to give them their tea! If you're driving 7 hours in a day I'd expect that you'd need to stop on the return journey anyway or you'll be exhausted.

Just get another takeaway, sandwich or something from the services on the way back.

OneTC · 10/02/2023 20:18

Alternatively, just don't go

Gymmum82 · 10/02/2023 20:18

Surely no meal can sustain you for the entire day? So you would have had to factor another meal in to your drive time?
a McDonald’s is a full meal. Burger chips and a drink you can get in a pub if you want and it’s certainly filling enough. You can get a sandwich on the way home. Even teens can cope with that amount of food. If you’re worried just order more. They do sides and desserts there too

LuckySantangelo35 · 10/02/2023 20:19

@pinotnow

what do you class a substantial enough lunch for your teens?!

just pack some sandwiches or whatever that they have in the car on the way home if they do get hungry on the way home

it really is that simple, no?

DillDanding · 10/02/2023 20:20

I couldn’t be bothered to be bothered. Most people love take-out, especially teenagers.

I wouldn’t be sweating the small stuff when your relationship already sounds a bit difficult.

EmmaDilemma5 · 10/02/2023 20:20

You clearly don't want to go, would it be easier for everyone to cancel?

What exactly were you hoping for? What would have been an acceptable food offering? Did you expect your parents to provide you a meal to eat there and one for the road? Or a lunch but something more "substantial" than McDonald's - like what?

Fgs, just stop off at a service station for sandwiches on your way home like everybody else doing a long journey does. It will cost under £15.

Logburnerperils · 10/02/2023 20:21

Of course this is not about food.

butterfliedtwo · 10/02/2023 20:21

If you don't want to go, don't go. This is not about food. Teens would have had to have dinner regardless.

Bunnycat101 · 10/02/2023 20:22

Like others - this isn’t really about the food. There is nothing wrong with what they’ve suggested and probably thought it was a good idea with the teens. There is clearly a bigger backstory but I think you need to let this one go.

namechange3394 · 10/02/2023 20:22

I don't really understand your problem with this because you're going to have to feed your DC in the evening anyway?

Take snacks for if they get hangry and stop somewhere for a more substantial meal. I find it quite surprising that a parent of teens seems so overwhelmed by the prospect of having to feed children on a car journey tbh.

OnlyFannys · 10/02/2023 20:22

There isnt really anything you could have for lunch which would negate the need for an evening meal/snack as most people cant comfortably eat enough in one meal to sustain them that long. If you had a huge meal you would be full and sleepy all the way back.
As an aside, would it not make more sense to meet in the middle somewhere if you cant stay overnight?

BreviloquentBastard · 10/02/2023 20:23

What exactly is stopping you from taking some snacks for the kids to eat in the car on the way home if they're peckish? Why are you making a mountain out of this molehill?

pawz · 10/02/2023 20:23

pinotnow · 10/02/2023 20:09

yes, kids may well want it but it doesn't really sustain them, and I'm the one who has to deal with that (and while driving), not parents or anyone else.

As to what it is- what does it matter? Fast food - so Macds, Bk, KFC, subway - that type of thing.

I really don't understand - were you planning to do a 7 hour round trip, plus how ever many hours you spend at your parents house (assume 3-4) so an 11 hour day - and the only food for them to eat would be lunch?! If not, why does it matter what's provided for lunch - they'll need feeding again.

Regardless of what takeaway it is, they'll need breakfast lunch and tea, potentially snacks etc too.

There's obviously many other issues here at play because the food thing is a total non issue it seems!

SheSaidHummingbird · 10/02/2023 20:23

Why not phone them, ask if all is okay (any reason they might be lacking energy to cook? Are they unwell? Are they subtlely asking for help?) and maybe explain your concerns about the kids needing something more substantial.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 10/02/2023 20:24

Do you always overreact or are you wanting us to say, you simply dont go? I dont get it. WTF is wrong with a takeaway

LuckySantangelo35 · 10/02/2023 20:25

SheSaidHummingbird · 10/02/2023 20:23

Why not phone them, ask if all is okay (any reason they might be lacking energy to cook? Are they unwell? Are they subtlely asking for help?) and maybe explain your concerns about the kids needing something more substantial.

@SheSaidHummingbird

like what? What do you think they should cook which would be more ‘substantial’ do you think??