To be upset about this meal?

[pinotnow]

I have quite a difficult/distant relationship with my parents for all sorts of reasons. There are some addiction issues (mainly controlled) with one parent and we don't live close by. As a result I haven't seen them for about 2 years. This is unusual for us as we would usually meet up a few times a year but I think covid has made it acceptable not to meet as much and there are some health issues on their side that may have become useful excuses not to meet.

We live 3.5 hours away by car and I am driving down next week during half-term with my two dc, who are teens. I've just come off the phone with dm who has just said that we will be ordering a fast food take-out for lunch. The dc and I will be arriving at lunch time or thereabouts and then driving back that same day.

AIBU to think this is not a substantial meal to offer someone doing a 7 hour round trip and to feel sad and tired about the whole thing? I can't imagine saying this to my dc in 15 years time? Money isn't an issue. Time/practicalities are, but still.. It's probably not all/really about the meal but...AIBU?

If I have a McDonalds, I have no need to eat for the rest of the day. They aren’t cheap though, not any more.

Why are you being cryptic? What fast food is it?

Whatever they eat for lunch they'll be needing feeding again for evening meal....surely? I think your issue is much bigger than a mcdonalds....clearly

You're really overthinking this you know. It will be fine. Also why can't you name the type of takeaway, why are you being so mysterious about it? Takeaway isn't outing.

Make sandwiches for the car and cook a pizza when you're home a couple of pieces of fruit for the trip. You'll be fine.

You are conflating the meal with all your other issues with your family. It seems like you are using this as proof that they don't care. Instead accept that a visit after two years has all kinds of emotional baggage. See them and try and enjoy their company. Order loads of food and enjoy. Or make a fuss and add further stress to the visit or don't go. Are you looking for a get out?

What do you mean by "fast food"? McDonalds? Why can't you just say?

Jesus - kids won't need another lunch. But they'll need a dinner/tea, whatever you call it. And not a small one as the type of food on offer is fairly calorific but not really filling in the long term. The time teens will need this later meal is when I'll be on the second leg of my 7 hour round trip. So not ideal really. But obviously I just need to suck it up.

Surely they would need a second meal anyway? Even a big lunch would need a decent snack at an absolute minimum on the way home.

Why are you being coy about what it is?

Is it KFC/McDonald's?

If so, and it isn't enough for them (surely a meal would be enough) then just order extra chips.

Or take a bag with Doritos, fruit, crackers etc in to munch on before you leave.

Seriously, you're making this isn't a huge deal.

And isn't part of the fun of a road trip stopping off to get food anyway? For us, we always stop off on a long journey for snacks or fast food, it's enjoyable. As a teenager I LOVED fast food.

Yes I'd agree to just suck it up and not be so precious

YANBU. Could you have a proper meal at a restaurant when you get there, or even pizza, and then go to their house?

So how is this any different than if your parents made soup and bread rolls for lunch? Or a roast?

I think you need time to reflect on why we're all thinking YABU.

it's not a takeaway as in a Chinese/Indian/Pizza etc, the type where you have leftovers for lunch the next day. It's fast food, but delivered to the house. It's the type of thing that fills you up on the spot but then you are still hungry later

If it's not that, what is it? 🤔

In my experience, it costs more to buy takeaway than cook your own. But I know if I'd asked my teenagers do you want a toast, shepherds pie or takeaway, takeaway would be the runaway winner.

I hear you. If someone is making the effort to visit and travelling a long way, then a cooked meal is a courtesy that shows they care and have considered your needs. It’s not much when someone is doing a 7 hour round trip. Especially when that visitor is close family. I’d be upset too, OP

Are you expecting to feed them so much they won't need food later? They'd want food later either way

You sound like you're looking to be offended. And weirdly cryptic.

Honestly i think this is being made to symbolise the issues of the relationship. The meal itself is neither here nor there, it's what it means to you that is bothering you. I can understand that.

So just request that there’s something more substantial as it will save you thinking about getting a main meal on the way home.

Do you mean like McDonald's type thing?

If so just do soup or something when you get home/get a meal deal for way home.

Think it's a bit of an overreaction

You said there are issues on their side? Sounds like this is an easy/safe option for them and you are not being very gracious about it.

Pack a meal in a cool box for later on? Green smoothies and cold pasta/veggie salads?

I think you’re making more of this than needs been. You’re allowed to feel a bit aggrieved. But it shouldn’t stop you from enjoying the visit.

yes, kids may well want it but it doesn't really sustain them, and I'm the one who has to deal with that (and while driving), not parents or anyone else.

As to what it is- what does it matter? Fast food - so Macds, Bk, KFC, subway - that type of thing.

But this then is about your journey plan, not the meal your parents are providing. It's OK to be flat or angry with your parents and to feel you're putting in all the effort. But that's not what you're complaining about here, it's who you're getting the yabu's.

It's absolutely fine, as long as you're not paying.

So as this is MN you will get 3 replies. The posh people saying it should be caviar and champagne. The normal people saying take away sounds nice. The rest saying they wish they could afford a take away and its crass you mentioning it.