Just want to say, I LOVE being single.

[theoldcatsmells]

I'm 41. I spent my entire life chasing men, hoping they would want me, hoping they would validate me. I'm ashamed of myself. It got me in so much trouble. Wasting my life being loyal to a divvy. Then a totally abusive and controlling relationship which is still threatening to ruin my life.

But…. I look back on my life and realise that every single best period was when I was single.

Answering to no one. Having proper alone time. Watching what I want and doing what I want. Also flirting, and the excitement of knowing I can flirt with anyone and speak to anyone.

I've been listening to this podcast called Alonenemt and it’s really fun.

I just have literally no need for a man, for validation. Now of course a decent loving partner is a thing to be cherished, I've never had it! Well I have but I was so young I found it boring. Maybe there's something wrong with me but I just want to say I am overjoyed at being single and finally it’s a relief to realise it. To realise that that’s what my happiness is.

Can you share things you enjoy listening to about single life?
Can you share why you love being single?
I just feel elated about it.

2) I don't need to tell anyone how happy I am to be married. I don't need to convince anyone

For someone who doesn't feel the need to tell us you used an awful lot of words in nine paragraphs to tell us that you don't feel the need to tell us.

But then someone who can state categorically @Metabigot is right. You have just not found the right man - like us happily married women.. is never going to be convinced that a lot of us actively prefer to be single.

Just not found the right man....how sweetly old fashioned that sounds.

@EmmaEmerald love your adaptation, smug single! I have the messy teenagers but smug single is funny. I need to use that next time I'm asked if I'm married.

There is a narrative of 'pity' for single women from some really insecure types with no strong self. I don't mean happily married women, I mean the ones who are like, well phew, at least I'm married so nobody can pity me for that
It's their limitation. It exists though, getting rarer but not died away yet

It's hardly the same thing though is it? There is often a stigma around single women and names like "spinster" thrown around. There is still a string patriarchal expectation for women to marry and settle down and consequently it is celebrated and single women made to feel inferior. It's great for a person to get to a point in their life where they no longer feel the pressure to be in a relationship for the sake of it.

OP I am no longer single, been with my partner for 2 years but prior to that single for about 8 years and I know exactly what you mean. It took me a long time to be able to be alone without being lonely and I really miss certain elements of my single life, I wouldnt trade DP in though, I am rather fond of him now.

Happily married but like your positive attitude x

I do wonder about these posts as well, as it just doesn’t reflect what I know irl, every single woman I know is trying to find a partner, I have been single for 6 years (not a choice and I hate it) and I’m the only person I know in my age range that has been single for so long, I don’t know any other single women in their 30s who are happy being alone. (Maybe an age thing though!)

For me, I like the companionship a relationship would have, but with being single, it's more flexibility with different projects and activities ect and only the kettle that would have an affair ect

Wow @PurpleButterflyWings that's a fuck tonne of angry typing there! 😮😂

Good for you OP. We only get one life, so live it in the way that makes you happy

How long have you been single just out of interest?

I know right!?

Everytime I hear or read someone say they love being married and love having kids and I immediately know that the lady doth protest too much.

Yep, that’s hiw it works.

If you've got a child you're not exactly single you've still got a significant person in your life whose needs need to be taken into account.

I'm glad you are happy with your partner but don't write off single life.....maybe you just need to get rid of your man?

Charming. Because only singles can be feminists. Yeah, sure.

Thats a lot of fluff for someone who's happily married apparently.

I’m just coming out of my second marriage and really for me being not-single was the weird part, as I was single so long in between them.

Would quite happily skip off into the sunset holding my little boy’s hand, except for how now I need to be a coparent and see the bugger every day for this reason.

Can't we be happy being single or being married?
Does it have to be one or the other? (Referring to some of the posts.)
I'm widowed, I loved being married & I'm loving (after the pain & grief) being single. Whatever works for the individual, surely!

That's one heck of a big nerve that got touched I think.

Thats a lot of fluff for someone who's happily married apparently

Do you suppose she's trying to convince herself that she's really happily married? 😉

Well, quite. But everything is a competition around here apparently, and a bad tempered on at that.
You go, OP. Enjoy.

@PurpleButterflyWings you sound a bit of a smunt to be honest

I love your positivity but after being single for a number of years and bringing up my child on my own since she was born I am kind of sick of being single. Maybe if you have just come out of a long relationship/marriage you might love it as it’s a novelty but if you have never been in a long relationship/marriage and been single a significant amount of time watching everyone else move on and coupled up its hard. I have company as my dd is still at home but she’s getting older and I know the house will be really empty without her. Friends see you occasionally but most are busy with their own families it’s lonely. Didn’t mean to put a downer on it just wanted to tell it from a different perspective.

Me too OP, it's taken me a long time to get to this point. It took me a very long time to get over my divorce but now I'm not interested. I don't want to have to trust people, I never will again. I don't want anybody round my son (although he'd love me to have a partner and regularly tells me that). I like my space and my independence and I'd never share assets with anybody again. I feel very content. That'll do me!

I love it too, was married for 20 years been single for 4 now and am happier than I’ve ever ever been.

I'm not single but I have several single friends, about 50% of them thrive from being single... They never want to be in a serious relationship again. The other 50% are desperate for a boyfriend, they can't handle being single and end up with some right losers. I'm in a relationship but i can say hand on heart if I was to end up alone there's absolutely no way I would entertain another serious relationship. It's way too much hard work.

I'm sure a lot of my sister's unhappiness in her 30s was underpinned by the belief that the only way to happiness was being partnered up and she was somehow a failure for not being, fuelled by my parents forever stating it was "such a shame" she "can't" meet anyone. What utter bullshit!

I know if several women my age (40s) who are ending very long term relationships now the kids are a bit older as they've quite simply had enough, and they're absolutely smashing it. Then on there are the ones who have to be with a man, they quite simply can't be alone. I used to be like that but I know I'm not anymore.

Oh and also I had a pretty happy marriage and never had bad experiences with men at all. I just prefer being single

I love the variety. I go out more because I want to get out and see friends.

I hang out with different friends, separately and together, have different conversations and fun and make plans with all of them.

I COULD do that in a relationship, but not as much.

@Campervangirl I love that!