Just want to say, I LOVE being single.

[theoldcatsmells]

I'm 41. I spent my entire life chasing men, hoping they would want me, hoping they would validate me. I'm ashamed of myself. It got me in so much trouble. Wasting my life being loyal to a divvy. Then a totally abusive and controlling relationship which is still threatening to ruin my life.

But…. I look back on my life and realise that every single best period was when I was single.

Answering to no one. Having proper alone time. Watching what I want and doing what I want. Also flirting, and the excitement of knowing I can flirt with anyone and speak to anyone.

I've been listening to this podcast called Alonenemt and it’s really fun.

I just have literally no need for a man, for validation. Now of course a decent loving partner is a thing to be cherished, I've never had it! Well I have but I was so young I found it boring. Maybe there's something wrong with me but I just want to say I am overjoyed at being single and finally it’s a relief to realise it. To realise that that’s what my happiness is.

Can you share things you enjoy listening to about single life?
Can you share why you love being single?
I just feel elated about it.

Good point, well made.

Being a single woman means im much much less likely to be murdered. So that's a positive.

Oh no, you’ve summoned the Stepfords @theoldcatsmells. You must be lying to yourself - no one can be happy without A MAN!

I’ve become recently single after what has been the best relationship of my life. We ended it because he was happy to just plod along into old age never doing anything new or different. As much as I loved him, I loved the excitement and possibility that being single has given me more. All those years when I had to throw myself into stuff to stop feeling alone are now the things that make me feel most at home with myself.

And I’ve spent YEARS thinking I would die alone and must meet someone to be a proper person.

It’s been a revelation to know that actually I am happier by myself - if someone comes along with sane energy, great. But if not I’m still having a life that suits me to a tee.

I love your vibe!

I am currently married but I've also had some of my happiest times single and if my DH and I broke up or I was widowed there's absolutely no way I'd get into another relationship - or at least never one that involved cohabiting or any kind of dependence.

@PurpleButterflyWings i can see something has touched a nerve deep down but irregardless of that the data shows that

• more and more women are choosing to remain single.
• marriage (on the whole) makes men happier and women more unhappy
• a hugely growing demo is women who were married, divorced and then choose to remain single

So you’re incorrect in your statement that no married women would swap to a single life. Also, try not being so damn angry all the time - and perhaps look in your life to see who is causing it….

@BigFatLiar

Being a mother is not the same as not being single.

Very odd comment, I'm trying to understand your perspective but it makes no sense.

@PurpleButterflyWings ·But I think that's great, and I'd be happy to read about people being happily married :D

I thank my lucky stars every time I read unhappy relationship posts here. I’ve been around the block with all kinds of toxic behaviours and relationship and now that I’m single and not looking, I feel incredibly peaceful and happy.

Have you ever had to explain that at dinner party? 😂

I did, when some patronising fool asked me if I was scared to live alone and did I keep the neighbours informed about what I was doing so they could keep an eye on what time I'd be back.

My ghast was flabbered. I didn't know her - I discovered later that she was very odd indeed.

I put up a thread a while ago about a conversation I had with a young woman at a Christmas party. I asked if her partner was with her, and she replied "I don't do relationships." I mentioned this on the thread and was surprised by the number of people who said their son, daughter, niece, etc felt the same. I don't mean that they haven't met 'the one,' but that they don't want to meet 'the one'. The young seem far more cynical and wary about relationships.

When I look back over my life, the things that have made me most happy have been books, nature, dogs, food, travel and friends. I have also had immense happiness from learning new things – studying Russian, learning the guitar, learning to paint, etc. Sex and relationships have had their moments, but on the whole they've been a massive disappointment. I don't hate men, and I'm not anti-relationships, but I definitely think a lot of people would be better off on their own (including a lot of men). Of all my friends, only one seems truly happy in her relationship. Whereas my single and divorced friends (with one exception) all seem content.

The point of the OPs post was she just does as she wants, no one else to take into account.

Do that with a child? Sorry toddlers I'm of to the pub for the evening make yourself something to eat and go to bed. Off on holiday, look after yourselves till I get back.

Nope if you have children you're not living the single life.

Where do you live? I think it’s a demographic thing. I live in London and know very many happy and content single women in their 30s - I was one of them! I am seeing someone now but I have no intention of moving in together or getting married. Before we met I was single by choice for 4 years and loved it! Living alone is the best thing I’ve ever done.

I have a friend who was single through choice for her entire 20s, has a bf now but like me doesn’t want to cohabit or marry. I know people in relationships too but we all recognise that being in a couple isn’t the only valid life choice.

I can honestly, hand on heart say that my happiness levels now I’m seeing someone are exactly the same as when I was single. He hasn’t improved my life. He brings me a lot of enjoyment, laughter, companionship and support but he hasn’t filled a void because my life wasn’t missing anything before we met. If we break up I’ll miss him but fundamentally I’ll still be happy with the life I’ve created for myself.

Oh I see, you're equating the single life with going out and getting laid.

Yep, we're on totally different wavelengths

My son isn't a toddler.

London

I LOVE being single. Had a good 10 year run at it and I had a blast!

To add they all think I’m strange for being single for so long!

Surprising! London has always felt to me like an easy place to meet like minded people.

@Datchat I'm really sorry. No one can make anyone else feel a certain way. I have felt the way you do I just don't write off a relationship at any age.

There is a big difference between being single and childless (or adult kids have moved out) and being single with kids to look after.

The first one = Completely free to do as you please, with no-one to consider or to hold you back.

The second one = Not so free, as you obviously have kids to consider and look after.

I've been in both positions and also married and I enjoyed them all for different reasons.

I'm 54 and been in a relationship since age 21. I have just recently been thinking that If I had a daughter I would make a conscious effort to present being single as a very positive choice. I think women sacrifice so much for the benefit of men. Unfortunately I think many fail to see the light in our younger years as we are slaves to our hormones and societal expectations in our first 40 or so years. Good for you OP.

You only go to the pub to get laid? I go for meals with friends. Also you can do ad hoc things. If your son is of an age where he can sort himself out or perhaps you can do the single life (perhaps - this evenings meal will be sitting on the sofa watching a film in bra and pants eating a packet of chocolate digestives and a bottle of wine, ds can sort himself out)

Being single is about pleasing yourself and not worrying about anyone else, if you want to watch the telly naked, fine, not bother with dinner, OK, take off for the weekend, fine.

Me too OP! I've been in a couple of happy long term relationships, 2 of which could easily have slipped into being marriage / kids, but I've never been as happy as I am now. I have plenty of time for myself, for my friends, for my extended family, for the job I really love.

I'm single and choosing to remain so. I've been on both sides, being in love and being the one who wasn't in love.

With the one who I was in love with, I was constantly on edge waiting for it to go wrong or for him to fuck off. He did.

With the one who loved me I felt constantly irritated, putting out and having to consider him when in reality I just couldn't be arsed.

I'm glad it's all over. As for sex, meh. Give me a surfboard over a shag any day. I wish I had some single friends though, hence my own post ten minutes ago.

@DoomedForLoneliness that artucle is hilarious!!! So full of offensive sexist stereotypes I couldn't figure out if it is a spoof?

Where did I say that, please do tell.