Just want to say, I LOVE being single.

[theoldcatsmells]

I'm 41. I spent my entire life chasing men, hoping they would want me, hoping they would validate me. I'm ashamed of myself. It got me in so much trouble. Wasting my life being loyal to a divvy. Then a totally abusive and controlling relationship which is still threatening to ruin my life.

But…. I look back on my life and realise that every single best period was when I was single.

Answering to no one. Having proper alone time. Watching what I want and doing what I want. Also flirting, and the excitement of knowing I can flirt with anyone and speak to anyone.

I've been listening to this podcast called Alonenemt and it’s really fun.

I just have literally no need for a man, for validation. Now of course a decent loving partner is a thing to be cherished, I've never had it! Well I have but I was so young I found it boring. Maybe there's something wrong with me but I just want to say I am overjoyed at being single and finally it’s a relief to realise it. To realise that that’s what my happiness is.

Can you share things you enjoy listening to about single life?
Can you share why you love being single?
I just feel elated about it.

You sound like me! Same age, same types of relationships, same feelings. You couldn't pay me to have a man right now.. life is good 👍 😌 ☺️

@DoomedForLoneliness I'm sorry you feel that way. I did until recently yes. I got out of a horrible relationship where I was so stifled I literally couldn't breathe sometimes.

I even did the whole OMG no one will love me again and I'll be alone forever.

I don't know your circumstances so unsure I can really say you'll be okay. It took me a long time. I don't think I'm "old" at 41, I feel young. But I will say however old you are of course it can happen, at any age!

I don't rule out finding a loving partner, I never will! It's just not something I need, and the excitement of the unknown and the prospect that it's something that could happen is enough for me.

It's like Picasso said on his deathbed, 'I'm still learning' and I feel the same. On my deathbed I may say 'I'll find love one day'

But I have love. My child, my cats, my friends, my parents, all loving relationships.

Do things you enjoy. Watch what you want, have a drink, enjoy your outdoor space. I'm doing the garden up for summer. I've rented a TV show just now to watch after work. I have a job I enjoy.

I only get horny once a month, and guess what! I can find a way to alleviate that however I want! Because I direct my life solely on my own. It's invaluable.

Here here!

I still delight in my own space 5 years on from divorcing my XH of 20 years. Don't miss having a moody man around at all.

I've been on a continual wanton adventure of dating whoever i want since and it's bloody fabulous.

Mine was merely a Bridget Jones quote, dear.

So much to say for being single after 27 year marriage and nearly 50. I have no interest in another relationship- 3 years single now and it gets better every year. I can’t think of one thing a man would add to improve my life.

What a load of tripe! We don't all need a man to feel fulfilled, unlike some who crave it and feel like their life is worthless without a man in it. Why is it abnormal, in your eyes to express a new found freedom and love of something after many years of miserable relationships?!

I know it's a quote. Just saying I've adapted it, my sweet little honeybunch. ❤️

I think it’s also an age thing. I am married, but I’ve lost my fear of being single. I know if it ended with DH that’s it- I make a happy life as a single woman. I’ll be me, and rebuild from there.
There isn’t an issue and I’m not planning to leave, but equally I’ve lost that innate need to have a relationship. I know I could fulfil myself and it doesn’t worry me. I look at confident single women and totally understand the choice. I have too much to lose to just walk away, but the dynamics have changed.

I could've written you post apart from the fact I'm 42!

@Metabigot 100% I'm not doing that and I think it's great when people are in good relationships. It's a personal thing.

I am open to a partner but I really truly look back and it's not just about the wrong men which yes I have chosen the wrong men! It's that I just felt happier single, I just felt free. Even when the men weren't controlling it was like I felt like I was open to anything. I know that sounds like I'm a swinger or something, it really isn't that, it's that I just feel really automatous.

I don't know, it's probably coming across wrong. I'm an only child too and had a single parent. Maybe that plays into it.

I think what you describe is wonderful!

4 months soon and loving it I’m planing my home years into the future, I’ve had 2 marriages never again will a man be in this home as a relationship, I eat better than I have done for years. Decorate my bedroom posters everywhere watch what I want without groans or calls for help etc. no money wasted on weed or cigarettes drink, I don’t drink. No the man I want doesn’t exist so I’m happy.

💋

I'm the same. Every time I look back in my life I realise that the happiest times were even I was single.

Really, I should be finding this stage of my life really difficult but I am absolutely loving the freedom and finding myself again. I'm starting to feel like the old me, piece by piece.

I feel lighter, happier and much more free. I've booked a family holiday with a friend and her family which couldn't have happened before. I've spent random, last minute nights away and evenings out and when I come home the atmosphere is peaceful.

I love that I can do whatever I want without having to consider someone else's opinion or have a discussion.

You've no idea whether she's trying to convince herself. Unpleasant post.

You're lucky you have realised this at 41 or earlier. I wasted my 40s trying to ''fix'' something just because I thought I should. I thought I had to appear happy. Then I realised I was happy. And to be honest now at this stage of my life at 52 I'd find it difficult to 'fancy' any man who'd commit to me. It's just to hard so, forget it. Every time one of those waste of time McRelationships ended there was a sense of failure in a conventional sense but underneath it, relief!?

This, in spades. ^

TBH I am a bit bored and tired of seeing these 'isn't it amazing being single' threads. They make me roll my eyes to the back of my head actually. At least one a month pops up, and this is 2 in two days now. A whole list of things that make it so wonderful to be single... I wonder who they're trying to convince, and the reason behind posting these threads?

Just turn it on its head and imagine somebody who is married starting a thread like this, about how amazing is to be married, and how they'd HATE to be single, and how much more miserable they were when they were single.

And then dozens of (happily married) people coming on singing the praises of marriage, and how amazing is to be together, to be a couple, to have a soul mate, to have someone to grow old with, to go out for meals with, and to the cinema and theatre with, to go on holiday with, to look after you when you're ill, to share life's burdens and trials and tribulations with, to have a family with... etc etc...

Just imagine the kind of posts that would come on after that and how they would be ridiculed, laughed at, mocked, and berated. (And accused of being tied down, ball and chain. 'I don't need a man to make me complete' blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.) Along with the 'bleugh I HATE smug marrieds' type comments!

Some of the comments on the thread yesterday about how amaaaazing it is to be single, and you go gurrrrl etc, were bizarre. 'I can have my hair how I want, and dress how I want, and have the house decorated how I want etc etc....' What kind of relationships have you been in that mean you couldn't do this anyway? I have been married nearly 30 years, and ALWAYS have my hair how I want it, and dress how I want, and had the house decorated how I want... etc etc...

In addition, as for the comments saying 'I don't have to put up with a man snoring' and 'I don't have to put up with this farting' and 'I can have the remote control to myself' type comments. You know what? I'm pretty sure that you snore and fart too. And here's an idea. Get a remote control of your own. I've got one to myself!

And never mind 'why do married women always come on these threads with their comments!' There is a 100% chance that if a married woman started a thread on here saying how much they love being married, all the single and divorced women would come on with their twopennyworth, and as I said, all the 'smug married' vitriol would pour out! Don't even try to deny it. Plus, it's a free country! People can post what they want on whatever thread they want!!!

And don't tell me to start a thread of my own about how wonderful being married is, because ..... 1) it will receive berating and mocking, and..... 2) I don't need to tell anyone how happy I am to be married. I don't need to convince anyone.

@Metabigot is right. You have just not found the right man - like us happily married women... And no, a lot of married women do NOT envy your singleness... if anyone does say that, they are very likely saying that to make you feel better. Deep down, most married women would NOT swap place with a single woman. Anyone who believe most married women wish they were single is deluded.

Here's the other thread by the way.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4737902-secret-single-behaviour-the-joy?page=2

I'm also very happy single. Its been 4 years now. Even my judgemental grandmother has given up suggesting I should find a nice, rich man.

I completely understand why so many women are choosing to stay single nowadays. When I was in my late teens/early 20s all I wanted was a boyfriend and I craved a relationship even though life was fun. As you say, that desire to be with someone can lead to shitty relationships.
I’m now married with children - very happily I must add - but if anything happened and I was no longer with my husband I would not want another partner ever again.

@HedgeWitchy - I feel exactly the same. It’s quite freeing.

@DragonHouse totally disagree with that. It can be so empowering to realise that despite the conventional 'wisdom' you don't need a man or don't need to even look for one. it's a relief, there's plenty of us in similar shoes and we should know that.

OP "It's that I just felt happier single, I just felt free"

I totally get it. All bar one boyfriend has been really lovely. It's just those types of relationship - not sure what word to use, romantic? - aren't my thing.

I'm widowed and if I'm brutally honest I love being single too. Single as in not married and independent in time and finances. I haven't yet got to a point where I dodnt want any male company or intimacy though and I'm finding it hard to work out how to have "enough" without getting seriously involved with anyone.

No one's forcing you to read them.

I envy you all I really do, I've never regretted leaving my abusive ex but living alone is not nearly as great as I thought it would be, struggling on day to day without any support just gets me down and the thought of my life remaining this way (I'm nearly 59) fills me with dread.