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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel unsafe as a woman nearly all the time

280 replies

mammatilly · 09/02/2023 13:54

I feel unsafe walking in rural areas
I feel unsafe walking at dusk/night
I feel unsafe home alone
I feel unsafe driving alone
I feel unsafe around male police officers
I feel unsafe around men

Our justice system is completely failing women in rape and domestic violence cases and is giving green light to men who wish to act violently

This patriarchal society is creating an Afghanistan style life for many women

OP posts:
drpet49 · 09/02/2023 13:57

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UdoU · 09/02/2023 13:57

YANBU. Women are seen as an expendable commodity.

stripedsox · 09/02/2023 13:57

I blame a lot of this on the media and scaremongering. I'm fortunate I don't have these worries but I do feel for you. It must be so awful feeling like you do.

Dacadactyl · 09/02/2023 13:58

YABU. This is not my experience. I believe most people, including men, in this world are good.

BurntOutGirl · 09/02/2023 13:58

Nope. I can't relate to your post at all.

Randommother · 09/02/2023 13:58

Just wow. Maybe the common issue here is you? I feel safe in all of those scenarios, it’s rare for me to feel unsafe…

chipsandpeas · 09/02/2023 13:58

im not trying to minimise your feelings but its definately not my experience at all

MaverickGooseGoose · 09/02/2023 13:59

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pointythings · 09/02/2023 14:00

Nope, I think you need to seek help for your disproportionate feelings of anxiety.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/02/2023 14:01

You are your own worst enemy, not every man and every situation you find yourself in. You need professional help if you genuinely feel fearful in every aspect of your life.

JustDanceAddict · 09/02/2023 14:01

The only time I feel unsafe is waking home late at night. I avoid that as much as I can.
Def don’t feel unsafe around men in general, thankfully.,

TedMullins · 09/02/2023 14:01

I believe misogyny is actively dangerous and all men are influenced by it to varying degrees, some may be dangerous, yes. The justice system does fail female sexual assault and domestic violence victims and society is not built for women to be truly equal to men.

But no, on a day to day basis I don't feel like this. I do make decisions with safety in mind (e.g. not walking through a park at night) but I don't go about my daily life with this level of fear. Comparing it to Afghanistan is frankly offensive.

stripedsox · 09/02/2023 14:02

Have you thought about talking to a therapist about your fears? It does seen rather extreme.

ZestFest · 09/02/2023 14:03

I agree with you OP and it's horrible

Tacocatgoatcheesepizza · 09/02/2023 14:04

Maybe you should go and live in Afghanistan for a bit and see if you still think they’re similar? I’ve not had that pleasure myself but I feel fairly certain that my life is nothing like that of a woman in Afghanistan.

SpinningFloppa · 09/02/2023 14:05

no I don’t feel this way, I live alone with just my kids so no I would hate to be that anxious that I was scared to be alone in my own home don’t relate to the others either but that one stood out as I am the only adult in my house

TrollMunter · 09/02/2023 14:05

I think most women adapt their behaviour in a way men do not and are probably unaware of it. Hence the hostile replies.

KStockHERO · 09/02/2023 14:06

No, I don't always feel unsafe

But I always have my wits about me and I'm always assessing situations. All women do this, consciously or not.

Comparing our experience here in the UK to women in Afghanistan is really offensive.

BreviloquentBastard · 09/02/2023 14:06

Oh come on, comparing how women live in the west to the sort of oppression faced by Afghani women and similar is absurd, it's completely incomparable. I get where you're coming from with regards to not feeling very safe at the moment in general, but comparing it to women's oppression in Afghanistan is such a stupid statement.

Dammitthisisshit · 09/02/2023 14:07

Our justice system is failing women in rape and domestic violence cases but YABVVU to compare that to the absolute atrocities experienced by many Afghan women and girls.

Anonymous48 · 09/02/2023 14:09

There would be situations in which I would feel unsafe, like walking through a deprived urban area alone late at night, but I'm sure as a man I wouldn't feel safe either. If I were black I would feel (justifiably) unsafe around police officers.

Apart from that, no, sorry - I can't relate at all.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 09/02/2023 14:11

Nope, can't relate and I find the comparison with women in Afghanistan to be insulting to those women. I'm not suggesting this society is perfect by any means - just look at the woeful level of convictions for rape - but women in Britain can live alone, go out for work and leisure, earn and keep their own money, drive and vote and are treated as equals under the law.

BogRollBOGOF · 09/02/2023 14:11

Yes male violence is a problem throughout society, and the justice system and other legal systems treat women poorly, but I don't spend my life in a state of fear about it.

Statistically the greatest risk is from males who live with you rather than from strangers. If you're not living with someone of a violent disposition then your odds are very healthy of not being harmed by others.

There is a small number of places I avoid, or treat with caution and awareness. I stick to lit and calm places in the dark, as much from trip hazard as fear of crime. But 99% of the time, I'm not in a state of fear or self-imposed restriction. That level of fear, in that many circumstances is an irrational level of anxiety.

Plantlifeonmars · 09/02/2023 14:14

What on earth! I think this is more about you than about women/men. I don't feel unsafe in any of the situations you mentioned.

midgemadgemodge · 09/02/2023 14:14

Afghanistan? Really ?