To feel unsafe as a woman nearly all the time

[mammatilly]

I feel unsafe walking in rural areas
I feel unsafe walking at dusk/night
I feel unsafe home alone
I feel unsafe driving alone
I feel unsafe around male police officers
I feel unsafe around men

Our justice system is completely failing women in rape and domestic violence cases and is giving green light to men who wish to act violently

This patriarchal society is creating an Afghanistan style life for many women

@Beezknees fair enough, I can't speak for how you feel but just want to ask - would you honestly feel safe if a lone male police officer pulled you over at night and asked you to sit in the back of his car whilst he check your details or whatever?

If you are a great, but I honestly can't imagine ever feeling 100% safe in that scenario

If we feel unsafe in any one of the situations I list
we are restricted
we are settling....
we are suffering under the patriarchy

I don't even know if I agree that most men are decent but most of them don't hurt people regardless.

@Eyerollcentral good post

fair enough, I can't speak for how you feel but just want to ask - would you honestly feel safe if a lone male police officer pulled you over at night and asked you to sit in the back of his car whilst he check your details or whatever?

You'd say 'not a fucking chance.'

Strap on a pair!

I refuse to amend my behaviour or limit my life out of fear.

Yes it's a fact of life that most men are stronger than me and I'm potentially at risk in many situations. But I refuse to live my life in fear.

Unlike women in Afghanistan, I have a choice. I think the most powerful thing women can do here is to celebrate our freedom. Don't voluntarily give it up out of fear! We live in a country where we can do, say, wear, walk, drive wherever we like. It's brilliant - most women in the whole of history would be stunned at the freedom we have. Women in Afghanistan, Pakistan and other places are fighting and dying for the freedoms we enjoy. So bloody enjoy them!

No, you are restricting yourself. You are curtailing your own freedom by living your life in fear.

I can't say I feel the same way. I feel there's a lot more focus on the things you've mentioned and with more social media input it feels like it's a bigger thing, but thinking back it's not really anymore dangerous than it ever was.

There are more people in the world and more media coverage but statistically is it any worse.

Can I say that it sounds like you have some life experiences that you need to look at with a therapist? If I've picked that up wrong sorry.

No, I wouldn't feel safe in that scenario but I would refuse to get in and I'd get on my phone and call somebody.

Those people saying the OP is unwell or overly concerned possibly aren't being honest with themselves about how much of their lives they amend their behaviour to avoid negative consequences from men

I've been a woman for 68 years and I'm well aware of the way women structure their lives in a way men can't even begin to imagine. Getting the taxi to drop you at the end of the road so the driver doesn't know where I live. Keeping my keys handy. Looking to see who else is getting off at my station late at night and deciding which way to walk home - the longer way that goes past two pubs and some houses or the quicker quieter way. So don't tell me I'm 'not being honest with myself,' thanks.

I still don't think comparisons with Afghanistan hold up and are insulting to those women. The ones who aren't even able to go out, let alone have to think about how to do it safely.

I relate too OP. Don’t feel confident walking alone just in case I meet the odd violent man though I would love to go for long rural walks. Of course I don’t believe most men are violent or misogynist, but it feels increasingly that there is a growing overt anti-women movement. News just seems to constantly be reporting on violence against women both national and local (domestic violence on this forum, Epsom head). Misogyny definitely feels far more widespread and growing than when I was younger eg growing rape culture in schools recently reported. I always felt totally safe in school.

I took the reference to Afghanistan more in the context of being aware that not moving forward in creating an equal society will take us back in the wrong direction (Handmaid’s Tale dystopia) unless we all stand up for a safer life for females in our country.

It’s great and surprising to me that so many women say they do feel safe, but I agree with PP that maybe in many ways we have adjusted our behaviour and expectations so much we don’t always think about how much more freedom men have.

I would love each girl and woman to feel free and safe to walk when and where they like.

Not my experience either. I frequently walk home after dark, I live in a student area and have ever felt unsafe. Also never been cat called or anything else. I do t believe any of my friends or colleagues have either. Someone on Mumsnet posted about how exhausting it is to be a woman. And I was

YANBU to feel how you feel, but my feelings don't match this. I can't remember the last time I felt unsafe in any of the ways you describe.

'We' don't feel unsafe in the situations you listed. You do, I do not.

That's not necessarily a primary female worry either. I wouldn't want my male teenager getting into a car with a lone police officer.

@mammatilly Have you any good men in your life?

Getting the taxi to drop you at the end of the road so the driver doesn't know where I live

I’ve never done this. If it’s late at night I feel better off being dropped at the door.

Are you seriously comparing your life in the UK to women living in Afghanistan.

I can't relate to this either. There isn't a deranged axe murderer with a penis hiding behind every single bush you know. Get out and enjoy the world. Lighten up too.

The irony of the op moaning about us women not standing up to the patriarchy and prefixing her user name with the title mama. 🙄 Which newspaper are you employed by op?

Also, no one feels safe 100% of the time. It's normal to have to risk assess and to sometimes feel a little nervous or anxious about situations. It will probably always be that way because men will always be a risk to us. But don't give up your freedom just because you sometimes feel a bit unsafe!

I think YABU in your first comment if you genuinely feel unsafe in the circumstances you describe then you are badly misjudging risk. In all of those circumstances you are completely safe the vast majority of the time.

Your second sentence I have much more sympathy for. The lack of protection or redress for women when they are faced with danger or subject to violence is unacceptable and continues to be something we should be vocal and angry about.

Your final sentence is nonsense and is an unappealing attempt to dramatise what you feel by utilising the far more serious situation of other women. Don't do that, it undermines your point completely.

I don't feel unsafe in any of the situations you list.

What on earth are you talking about?

I agree that the comparison with Afghanistan is wrong and actually unhelpful. Afghani women do have it worse but that doesn't mean the current situation in the UK is acceptable for women and I don't think it's something that should be celebrated at all.

Situations you've described about being dropped off at the end of the road. Checking who else is getting off the train, having keys in your hand are so normal and second nature to a lot of women (but as this thread shows not all will feel this way) is what is disturbing.

It's like we've all accepted that we need to do these things, which is a really sad situation.