To feel unsafe as a woman nearly all the time

[mammatilly]

I feel unsafe walking in rural areas
I feel unsafe walking at dusk/night
I feel unsafe home alone
I feel unsafe driving alone
I feel unsafe around male police officers
I feel unsafe around men

Our justice system is completely failing women in rape and domestic violence cases and is giving green light to men who wish to act violently

This patriarchal society is creating an Afghanistan style life for many women

I've rarely felt unsafe anushered I've lived or worked, the exceptions being Egypt, Morocco and Turkey.

I do think it depends a bit on the area you live in. If it's a place with a lot of male refugees from traditional Muslim countries, I agree that it can feel scary walking around as a lone woman. There was a thread on here recently about women's experiences in these areas.

However, I agree with pp that we are nowhere near a similar situation to Afghanistan. I value and love my freedom as a western woman.

I have never felt scared or unsafe but I am sick of violence and discrimination against women not being taken seriously, even by other women. It seems like recently there has been a return of almost salem trial like levels of distrust, anger, sex-shaming and aggression towards women (even by other women). My BIL is a sociologist/economist and said the other day that sometimes recessions/economic hardship or societal change can often causes regression when it comes to womens rights and views towards women in general.

I feel similarly to you, OP, although not quite as intensely, but that's because I had a stalker for several years. Although I now have a restraining order against that particular person, I am now always on guard and have my wits about me but I do understand that my fear is heightened and recognise that a lot of my thoughts are irrational, based on a very unlikely chance of the same thing happening to me again.

I've also had the "usual" groping in pubs and clubs, cat calling, men not taking no for an answer when I've declined to give them my number etc. It does make me wary in the way that although I know most men aren't like this, I don't know which ones are, so when I'm walking alone and see a man approaching it does cross my mind to think "be careful", but I recognise that this level of anxiety is above and beyond how a lot of other women feel and it's also unhealthy.

I make changes in my behaviour to avoid risks to myself that others wouldn't make as they don't have the same levels of anxiety as me, and that's fine, I feel safe living the way I do. I have also started therapy to address my root issues with confidence and have taken up a martial art so I have more confidence in myself and my ability to protect myself, meaning "danger" does not seem as dangerous to me anymore if that makes sense. I love men, I have a wonderful Dad, brother and boyfriend, as well as many male friends and men in general don't worry me.

However, feeling like this daily and feeling unsafe around men is not "normal" and, as this post proves, many women do not feel this way. It's understandable that some people feel the way you do, but there are ways of increasing how safe you feel including therapy, ensuring you carry a rape alarm, taking up a martial art or weight lifting etc.

I don't feel like this at all.

I would probably feel uneasy walking in a deserted area at night by myself but that's about it.

Look at these responses

How we as women accept and rationalise the violent world around us carried out 99% by men. Violence that limits our freedoms our daughters freedoms.

The reference to Afghanistan is an easy reason to get furious at my post isn't it. But that is the direction of our society if the government, the justice system, the police, good men, don't step up properly to uphold protect cocreate a safer society.

Our justice system is completely failing women in rape and domestic violence cases and is giving green light to men who wish to act violently

In terms of random attacks I'm not really sure what the system could do. Harsh punishments don't act as deterrents in those instances.

You haven't actually proved it's the direction of travel have you ?

Are things really getting worse?
In general violence is falling in the uk

In my lifetime the overall
Progress has been positive

Even recently- this week -

Rape and DV convictions have always been low but now we have police taking such problems within their ranks seriously

As a society change is slow and frustrating but as yet o see no real evidence of backwards the way you imply

Perhaps chemical castration could be an option - that might prove a deterrent for our menfolk

Thread not go the way you hoped??

"These responses" are by our opinions. What right do you have to question how we feel.... just because you're scared of men.

Think you need to take off your tin hat and get some help

I am female and never feel unsafe in any of the OP's scenarios. The UK is a safe country - try being in Iran or Afghanistan! OP, you either need some help with your mental health and/or to stop reading sensationalist articles in the press & on social media.

I'm not furious, but I do think YABU to compare us to women in Afghanistan. I think if you are that fearful all the time, and instilling that fear in your daughters, that is quite limiting for you. I do feel scared sometimes but I don't let it curtail my freedom. The people most likely to be attacked walking home at night are young males - it doesn't stop them and it shouldn't stop us.

YABU. Are you overly anxious in general? It must be exhausting.

I don't feel scared or limited.

I live my life not really thinking about men, to be honest. I work outdoors alone and often go all day without seeing another person. I love coming home to an empty house too - it's incredibly peaceful and relaxing. I also drive myself around all day - again, alone. I go into clients' homes alone too.

I'm sorry you feel the way you do but please don't assume all women feel like that.

While I agree there are issues, I fond it distasteful to start comparing it to Afganistan... Very distasteful. We are not heading that dorection and it's crass to claim that.

I don't generally feel unsafe, but understand why some might. But feeling unsafe everywhere is ott tbh

Nah. Random attackers do it because they think they'll get away with it.

I am not an anxious person but I hate our patriarchal society and hate that we, women and non violent men, do not rise up against the acceptance of the violence and rape around us.

Rise up how?

Something tells me you were hoping for more positive responses.

The reference to Afghanistan is an easy reason to get furious at my post isn't it

Well, as my mother used to say, you started it. Make ridiculous comparisons, expect to be called out on them. And no, we're not going the way of Afghanistan unless we start being a theocracy that takes its instructions from the 7th century takes over.

I can relate.
When I was a child, a man tried to kidnap me.
When I was a child, I came across multiple pedophiles.
When I was a teenager and young adult, I was in physically, sexually and emotionally abusive relationships.
When I was a teenager and a young adult, I got sexually harassed and assaulted multiple times.
When I was a young adult, I was stalked.
When I was mid twenties, I was raped.

All of this by men. All of it.

I'm fucking terrified of men.

hate that we, women and non violent men, do not rise up against the acceptance of the violence and rape around us

OK, what are you doing about this 'rise up'? or are you waiting for someone else to start?

Rise up I don't know how - mass protests at house of parliament suffragette style?? A Mass strike of all who women / all men who support a non violent society and demand urgentchanges to policing and justice system??

I honestly get the same feeling when I lived in the UK. I think there are darker days , lots on the news etc.

Now I have moved away. I rarely feel like that. Often walking home by myself late at night I feel much safer. The UK isn't a nice place to be for a woman (or a man for that matter !)

I think your fears are justified, although we're not at all as oppressed in the west as in Afghanistan and some other countries with religious based restrictions on women.
I am not surprised that many women are oblivious to this because it is so much more covert than it used to be, but once you see it, you can't unsee it.
But the way women are objectified or erased or hated seems to be gaining momentum recently in various arenas. It is worrying.

I don’t always feel unsafe and don’t feel unsafe in most of those situations. But I do consider myself to be aware and I don’t take unnecessary risks, like walking deserted streets at night, although I would walk through a busy town centre at night.

I was in a sauna the other way a few ppl left so it was just me and then a man walked in. I immediately regretted not sitting closer to the emergency call button. Maybe I'm paranoid and I think the media has caused some of that but. I'd rather a healthy sense of paranoia rather than live in a society where we pretend men don't pose a real risk to women.

Yes NAMALT but enough that it's an issue and enough that 1/3 women by university age will have been raped or seriously sexually assaulted.

I feel unsafe around drunk men, if they come on to me in a bar I worry that if I'm not 'nice' when I turn them down they'll get aggressive.

I feel unsafe ordering a takeaway in the house of I'm alone.

I would feel unsafe if a male police officer asked me to get in his car (which is standard practice if they pull you over)

If I argue with a man, there's definitely a fear things could get violent, which is something I don't worry about if I'm arguing with a woman

Those people saying the OP is unwell or overly concerned possibly aren't being honest with themselves about how much of their lives they amend their behaviour to avoid negative consequences from men