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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Screaming baby on children's ward

394 replies

Tomblibooz · 09/02/2023 00:10

I'm on the children's ward tonight staying with my little one (who's currently fast asleep). Across the hall is a baby, I'd estimate to be around 4mo, left by themselves and has been screaming/crying for over an hour. The sort of wailing that it's making itself choke. It's heartbreaking to hear, and so I went for a wander to see what was going on and to offer to help.

Only 2 nurses on tonight, so short staffed. Baby's mum has gone home to pick up some things. Baby is left alone screaming in a cot, and has been for the hour basically.

I offered to go in and try and calm little one, even just sitting shushing or singing lullabies, but was told they couldn't allow it.

Aibu in thinking you'd prefer your little one to be looked after by a random mum, than be left alone screaming for over an hour on it's own?

I appreciate my hormones are all over the place just now and I'm on about night 3 of no sleep, so I may bu!

Yabu - people leave their own baby's to cry it out, baby was safe so no drama

Yanbu - for baby and everyone else's sake

OP posts:
Firecarrier · 09/02/2023 00:11

Oh gosh that is awful, I would be devastated listening to that 😭

I would at least stand by the door and sing a lullaby but I'd want to stroke their little hand!

gonutkin · 09/02/2023 00:12

YANBU!! Poor thing being left to cry 😖 not the nurses fault as I can imagine they are so busy but surely that is not appropriate care?! If that was my child I would want to know and I would be mortified

Silverhandle · 09/02/2023 00:13

I can understand why they can’t allow it, for all they know you could be a paedophile or a kidnapper. Of course you know you are not, but they’d be liable if anything happened. Even if you just passed on a bug or accidentally hurt baby.

Original poster
Tomblibooz · 09/02/2023 00:15

@Silverhandle I know, my head totally gets it, and I don't blame the nurses at all for their decision and inability to do more themselves....but it just doesn't feel right at all 😢

OP posts:
mrsfollowill · 09/02/2023 00:16

That's awful- I bet the nurses assured the mum they would look after the baby as well! Maybe just needs a feed/nappy change so could be sorted out so quickly. Very young baby as well- you can't do cry it out at that age. Sad.

madeyemoody · 09/02/2023 00:18

Put a PALS in, the nurses are working understaffed and if no one complains nothing will be done. No baby should be in hospital and left to scream because of staffing issues. Definitely put a PALS in. Unfortunately you definitely can't go in there and confirm them.

BouncingWorms · 09/02/2023 00:19

I understand why you’d not be allowed, safeguarding and possible infection risk, although as a parent I’d be happy for you to. But I think the nurses should have been doing something, even if understaffed. If he needed milk or a nappy change I don’t see how they’re fulfilling their duty of care. If he just needed cuddles obviously that’s not possible but it sounds like they were just leaving him.

MakeItADouble2 · 09/02/2023 00:20

I have been in your situation and gone up to the nurses and told them they need to go and help that baby.
Record discreetly if you can and put a complaint in to PALS

Original poster
Tomblibooz · 09/02/2023 00:21

There's now a little girl, maybe 8 or 9, in tears because she's so upset over it and she can't sleep. She's offering if she can help because she's good with her little cousins.

OP posts:
MyGarden · 09/02/2023 00:21

When my baby was in hospital at 6 months old I didn’t leave her side. The nurses kept telling me to go home and get some rest but I was breastfeeding and my baby only ever slept on me, so no, I wasn’t going to leave her. Across the hall was a tiny jaundiced newborn whose mum popped in for an hour a day. She had 4 other young kids at home and seemingly nobody to look after them. Poor tiny baby, but difficult situation.

negomi90 · 09/02/2023 00:26

I work on a childrens ward. Sometimes medical procedures are awful. Sometimes babies object to treatment and no amount of soothing makes it better.
The baby will have been fed according to how much is safe. Many babies in hospital at the moment have breathing problems. They can't feed as much as they want, because a full stomach impedes breathing in babies.. The baby may be hungry, but that will be for a reason.
The baby may also be protesting breathing support. Some don't mind it, others hate it.
It may also be protesting feeling sick and rotten and be in the state where nothing will comfort it.
Sometimes these babies can't be consoled and believe me people try very hard.

SunsetBlue · 09/02/2023 00:29

I've been the mum that had to leave my 4 month baby alone at hospital for a few hours. I told the nurses I was leaving, went home to change clothes, pick up supplies etc. got back to my baby within about 3 hours.

Worst feeling of my life but I had no choice. Sadly the reality is we can't expect the nurses to look after a crying baby if they have dozens of patients to care for in a children's ward. There was nothing else I could've done. I can assure you that whilst I was gone, I was actually terrified something would happen to her, another parent or visitor would snatch her. I was sick with worry but the nurses said it was not uncommon for babies to be left on the ward, and I had no other choice at the time.

Once, I did befriend another mum on the ward who had a young child. We took it in turns to watch the others baby so we could go for quick coffee breaks without feeling too guilty.

YANBU wanting to help, it's natural instinct. But reality is you can't do anything about it for now.

If you're on the ward for a while, could you befriend the parent/s and offer to help if needed in the future?

Original poster
Tomblibooz · 09/02/2023 00:30

If I put in a PALS, is there a way to ensure the nurses aren't held accountable and it's recorded as being staffing/ processes issue?

The nurses are back and forward to beepers etc, they sounded genuine when they said they have tried but baby just won't settle for them (maybe only wants mum or because it's just flying visits they can manage). That's why I offered to help.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tomblibooz · 09/02/2023 00:35

It's a tough situation and I mean absolutely no judgement to the nurses or the baby's parents, but it is bloody heartbreaking to listen to, especially because it's the desperate sort of cries.

Nurse said Mum is away to pick things up and will be back soon, so I'm assuming she maybe didn't know they'd be admitted overnight or something along those lines.

Good suggestion re befriending mum to offer support that way if I can!

OP posts:
SirenSays · 09/02/2023 00:51

I was put on a ward with elderly ladies as a teen and being told not to help them was so hard. I understand the reasons but watching women scream and beg for help, even for basic things like getting to the loo and then wetting themselves is something I can't forget.

PumpkinPastiez · 09/02/2023 00:52

Tomblibooz · 09/02/2023 00:30

If I put in a PALS, is there a way to ensure the nurses aren't held accountable and it's recorded as being staffing/ processes issue?

The nurses are back and forward to beepers etc, they sounded genuine when they said they have tried but baby just won't settle for them (maybe only wants mum or because it's just flying visits they can manage). That's why I offered to help.

No there isn't.

It will come through as 'patients relative feels nurses aren't looking after baby appropriately.'

Opine · 09/02/2023 00:54

I’ve spent some time off children’s wards and been in this situation.
A baby in a cot across from my DC was inconsolable. The nurses were pottering about but not doing anything other than having a quick look through the glass.
After a solid 30 minutes of crying I went over, stood by the cot, & stroked the baby’s hand & shushed. Baby very quickly quietened.
Parents came back(they’d been in the canteen)& hit the roof. I explained but they weren’t having any of it. The nurse told me later that they complained to them too.

Opine · 09/02/2023 00:55

*on children’s wards

KalvinPhillipsBoots · 09/02/2023 00:55

MakeItADouble2 · 09/02/2023 00:20

I have been in your situation and gone up to the nurses and told them they need to go and help that baby.
Record discreetly if you can and put a complaint in to PALS

Just no that's so unfair and you need consent to record anyone.

Glitteratitar · 09/02/2023 01:01

It’s a very tricky one. We spend a lot of time in hospital and we see just how rushed off their feet nurses are. They are simply understaffed.

However, I learnt the hard way to never leave my child alone in hospital when he was an infant and I asked the nurse changing the sheets to watch him whilst I went to use the bathroom. I came back 5 minutes later and he was screaming. That’s why I won’t ever leave DS under the care of nurses without me around.

That said, I do have a support network that can bring me food and watch DS if I need to go home and shower. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be if there is no one to help you. Really not sure what you can do OP. Personally I would rather another mum comforts my child but I can see why that wouldn’t be allowed.

PumpkinPastiez · 09/02/2023 01:01

mrsfollowill · 09/02/2023 00:16

That's awful- I bet the nurses assured the mum they would look after the baby as well! Maybe just needs a feed/nappy change so could be sorted out so quickly. Very young baby as well- you can't do cry it out at that age. Sad.

Nursing staff will have checked all basic needs have been met.

I used to work on a paeds ward and
I know it sounds absolutely shite but if I've got 14 children to look after no hca who
I would usually assign to a baby crying or if we had a child with no parents, that means I have 14 children, I need to do observations on, draw up iv medications for, administer the ivs, maybe administer bolus antibiotics over a certain period of time, administer breathing treatments, take handover from Ooh gp/ a&e for an admission, make sure all my documentation is up to date for each child, chase up safeguarding referrals the day staff didn't manage to do, more antibiotics, chase up the drs to prescribe medication that needs to done, plus let's say 4/5 teenagers with mental health issues who are at risk or suicide or self harm and need 15 min obs. Plus I need to check the other nurses IV medications because it requires 2 nurses per iv per patient.

Where in that am I going to have time to make sure a baby who has a clean nappy, isn't hungry etc is settled?

I'd love to do it but it's not possible. Breaks my heart but I don't have time.

Throw in the fact that in my hospital the nursing staff on the ward are the ones who do paeds resus in a&e it's ridiculous.

This is why we're on strike, not for pay. We need more staff

PumpkinPastiez · 09/02/2023 01:02

MakeItADouble2 · 09/02/2023 00:20

I have been in your situation and gone up to the nurses and told them they need to go and help that baby.
Record discreetly if you can and put a complaint in to PALS

Wtf?

hailer · 09/02/2023 01:07

It's only good to you because your the random mum who is good. That random mum could also be a heroin addict nutter. Would you want your baby to be left with them. No! You don't leave your baby with anyone. But you can't say to pick their baby up when you wouldn't want them picking your baby up either

WombsofWimbledon · 09/02/2023 01:07

negomi90 · 09/02/2023 00:26

I work on a childrens ward. Sometimes medical procedures are awful. Sometimes babies object to treatment and no amount of soothing makes it better.
The baby will have been fed according to how much is safe. Many babies in hospital at the moment have breathing problems. They can't feed as much as they want, because a full stomach impedes breathing in babies.. The baby may be hungry, but that will be for a reason.
The baby may also be protesting breathing support. Some don't mind it, others hate it.
It may also be protesting feeling sick and rotten and be in the state where nothing will comfort it.
Sometimes these babies can't be consoled and believe me people try very hard.

This reply is quite upsetting.

PumpkinPastiez · 09/02/2023 01:16

@WombsofWimbledon you clearly have no concept of what it's like to work on a children's ward or what it's like to treat babies. The poster you quoted is correct in so many ways. It's not possible to feed really unwell babies because they don't digest feed but they still feel hunger and will cry, would you prefer staff to feed a baby and milk them so they're not crying?