Screaming baby on children's ward

[Tomblibooz]

I'm on the children's ward tonight staying with my little one (who's currently fast asleep). Across the hall is a baby, I'd estimate to be around 4mo, left by themselves and has been screaming/crying for over an hour. The sort of wailing that it's making itself choke. It's heartbreaking to hear, and so I went for a wander to see what was going on and to offer to help.

Only 2 nurses on tonight, so short staffed. Baby's mum has gone home to pick up some things. Baby is left alone screaming in a cot, and has been for the hour basically.

I offered to go in and try and calm little one, even just sitting shushing or singing lullabies, but was told they couldn't allow it.

Aibu in thinking you'd prefer your little one to be looked after by a random mum, than be left alone screaming for over an hour on it's own?

I appreciate my hormones are all over the place just now and I'm on about night 3 of no sleep, so I may bu!

Yabu - people leave their own baby's to cry it out, baby was safe so no drama

Yanbu - for baby and everyone else's sake

@Toddlerteaplease you work in a childrens hospital and have a local(ish) dgh to do agency?there’s probably a fair few paeds nurses on the bank and on agencies local so it’s easier to staff.

we are 2+ hours away from the closest childrens hospital around an hour from our nearest other hospital which also only has 1 paeds ward. We can barely get bank nurses let alone agency

@Wishiwasatailor yep there are about 6 DGH's within an hours drive. I regularly drive an hour and a half to the really rural one, as they are just such a lovely team. But will avoid one closer as I don't like them.

What do you suggest the parent does then when their child is hooked up to God knows what?
Again like I said to someone else I hope to god you never have to make that choice. No, nurses are not childcare, but when the baby has been admitted for medical reasons, the parent can't just pick them up and take them out to go and get some bits from home or whatever they may need to do?
Don't be so damn judgemental, I had to leave my baby overnight for 2 weeks only going in during school time as I had a 5 year old that started school and was in the height of the pandemic, and I had NO choice as I had no one else to do school runs and look after her. Do you think I wanted to do that? No. As I said I had NO choice. Hope your comments make you feel like the best mum in the world 🙄🙄

@Toddlerteaplease thats why your dghs have such good ratios. Wish we had the same. Our retrievals can take hours we’ve even had to go on a normal ambulance with our own anaesthetist

Being in nicu is awful, I know. Must be horrible for the nurses to have to say that 😞 I was very fortunate to still have my daughter, but I remember going in one morning and there was a vicar, and then the next morning a bay was empty.
I thought like you did in the end, little attention is good. When I had her she was the sickest baby in the hospital and was 1 on 1 care. By the time we left it was not like that. Having been used to the 1 on 1 I thought she was being neglected and got panicky a few times (baring in mind a week or so before I was told she had a 50/50 chance of survival so I was a right hormonal wreck) but once they explained that to me I totally got it and it made me at ease a little bit more x

Actually I have been in that situation. I begged and borrowed from anyone to get through but I didn't leave my baby. The medical staff are there to treat your child. Not comfort them, change them etc. Of course, most of the wonderful staff do all those things and more every day but they shouldn't have to and in the current climate it's taking them away from vital clinical roles. I'm sorry you didn't have anyone at all to help you in your situation.

For goodness sake people. It is completely acceptable for a parent to leave a child alone on a ward. They need a break, deal with their other children. And unfortunately some parents have no other option than to go to work. It is unreasonable to expect them to stay 24/7. No one likes to leave heir child, but needs must.

I'd be so upset by this. My own babies got used to sleeping on me and cosleeping because I didn't have it in me to let them cry. I also understand why the nurses can't let you anywhere near the baby because of age guarding concerns. Even those in trusted positions have hurt babies and you're a stranger. It's so hard. Hope the mum returned soon after you posted.

My baby was in hospital at 8 weeks old and I only left to get dinner downstairs and my baby was screaming. The nurse was running around and couldn’t attend to him.

It’s awful. The hospital staff don’t have time for little babies on children’s wards.

What kind of work doesn't give you compassionate leave for your own extremely sick baby?

This is nothing new. I was in hospital with DS 27 years ago. The ward was fully staffed and not busy.
Baby of similar age in next bed, about 10 months old. His mum was a single parent and had three other children. One night she couldn't get anyone to have them. The staff assured her her baby would be fine. He screamed all night and they just left him. I didn't tell her the next day because she was stressed enough.

Presumably just having had a baby you're off work anyway...

Years ago my son was in hospital for surgery and he was in a two bed side ward . A very young baby was admitted around 7pm. The nursing staff were really surprised when mum said she wouldn’t stay overnight. ( I was staying with my 2 year old ) . It was horrific the poor thing cried the entire night - the nurses spent so much time with him but he wouldn’t settle at all . It was a nightmare for them and for us too - I didn’t get a wink of sleep . My sons breathing deteriorated so the on call registrar and consultant had to come and see him several times in the night - and there wasn’t anything they could do either . So I share your pain but please don’t be too hard on the nursing staff - they are understaffed and the baby, whilst distressed, is at least safe .

Absolutely. I would never judge a parent who couldn't be there 24/7 and no parent should be expected to. There should be enough staff to ensure the comfort and safety as well as the medical needs of their patients and that is what we were trained to do, child centered care means taking the family as a whole because they are vital to that child. But that isn't the case. and its got so bad that nurses are leaving not just because of pay, but because they can't work in those conditions, the emotional toll it takes on you is immense. Do you think we don't hear that baby crying for hours on end and feel bloody awful that we cant do anything about it. Can you even comprehend what working in conditions where you are lurching from one crisis to another is like, where you are spinning multiple plates in the air and hoping you don't drop one, because you know you will get blamed for it if you do?
If anything happens to a patient on the ward the nurse is blamed for failing to notice it, if you say you were short-staffed, they ask why if you knew it was short staffed you didn't raise awareness. if you raise awareness, your incident forms are ignored, you're told to stop putting them in or you are managed out of your role/overlooked for promotion. You are literally stuck between a rock and a hard place. Its why I left nursing after 38 years. It was unbearable.

Not the nurses fault as they’ll be stretched beyond endurance but NHS needs to be funded to allow nurses to actually nurse children in their care (I don’t mean as a euphemism for feed, I mean look after).

Parents on wards should be a “nice to have” rather than a necessity really as there are lots of circumstances in which parents won’t be allowed to stay, eg abuse cases, but not only that.

See this is the sort of thing where there ought to be volunteer roles for. People who would be willing to be DBS checked and provide a regular shift to sit with either children or dementia sufferers when admitted to hospitals.

I'm sure there are people out there who would be willing to do a shift a week or so to help out. Ideally every child would have a parent with them but there will always be circumstances where this isn't possible for whatever reason. If there was a bank or volunteers who would be willing to do a sit in then that surely would help?

Exactly. It's disgraceful. Clearly their needs are NOT met if they are screaming and crying.

There is another option: hospitals that provide adequate care for patients.

A 1:1 nurse for the baby in hospital for 12 hours overnight would be less expensive than placing two children in temporary foster care, as well as less traumatic.

Quite. OP estimates baby is 4 months. Presumably you’ve been able to get some childcare together for the actual birth too? If you have other kids.

And yes as you say good luck getting social services to do anything, ever, anyway.

Well when we were in hospital the nurses told us to go home and rest, and that they are here to look after them. That's like leaving an elderly person in hospital, and what because there is no one there just leave them dirty etc? I don't think so

And, in the real world.. mothers are self-employed, mothers do casual work, mothers work for arsehole employers.

If your choice is between staying with your child versus losing your income and the roof over your heads, you may not have the option to stay.

Some MNetters don't have a clue about the hand-to-mouth existence that many people live.

And some babies and children need to be in hospital a lot. The post I have the previous person has a baby with cancer. She took a 6 month sabbatical and then had to leave as she was still spending lots of time at the hospital. She could afford to do that. For some people it may have made them homeless if they did not work.

It’s one of those situations where your instinct is completely the wrong thing to do. I can remember a baby with sort of hazard signs on it! I was so outraged. But whatever the baby had they had no intention of letting anyone handle it without being completely scrubbed up.
And 19 years ago, I imagine the infection protocols are much stronger now.
It’s all so clear In retrospect, it’s like ‘ohhh, that’s what she was trying to tell me, that’s why when I offered to help the very busy nurse she thought I was mad’
It’s a privilege not to know these things. The hospitals work hard to make sure the heartbreaking stuff happen behind a curtain

I completely understand why they cannot let members of the public near other people's children but I would feel as if my heart was being ripped out listening to a baby in such distress.