Screaming baby on children's ward

[Tomblibooz]

I'm on the children's ward tonight staying with my little one (who's currently fast asleep). Across the hall is a baby, I'd estimate to be around 4mo, left by themselves and has been screaming/crying for over an hour. The sort of wailing that it's making itself choke. It's heartbreaking to hear, and so I went for a wander to see what was going on and to offer to help.

Only 2 nurses on tonight, so short staffed. Baby's mum has gone home to pick up some things. Baby is left alone screaming in a cot, and has been for the hour basically.

I offered to go in and try and calm little one, even just sitting shushing or singing lullabies, but was told they couldn't allow it.

Aibu in thinking you'd prefer your little one to be looked after by a random mum, than be left alone screaming for over an hour on it's own?

I appreciate my hormones are all over the place just now and I'm on about night 3 of no sleep, so I may bu!

Yabu - people leave their own baby's to cry it out, baby was safe so no drama

Yanbu - for baby and everyone else's sake

@EtonMessy I've said a few times now I don't blame the nurses at all, so I think your tone is totally uncalled for. If this is the systems and processes in place, it sounds like a) one more nurse wouldn't solve that and b) I'm not cut out for being able to work in those systems and processes so wouldn't last long anyway.

Many of my close family have worked in the NHS all their days, and every single one of them drummed into me growing up that it's not a good career option. I'm not a Tory voter and never will be, but I was given this advice under labour govt and it's been progressively downhill since.

I'd also remind you that not all of the UK have scrapped their nurses bursarys, thankfully.

I was in hospital overnight with my 6 year old a few months ago. A baby came in at a little past midnight and screamed non-stop until 8am (when it was moved elsewhere). The mother was there, she was playing lullabies at full volume on her phone. I was beside myself as I had managed about 2 hours sleep having only had about 4 the night before (I’d been sat in a&e from about 3am). in the end I put my AirPods in to just try and reduce the noise, and actually would not go to hospital again without earplugs.

So, I can well believe that the baby won’t settle, it probably feels rotten.

@PumpkinPastiez I don't expect you todo your job with a baby attached to to you. I do expect there to be sufficient staff in a children's ward for a parent to be able to leave their ill child for a short time without them being left to scream alone.

I'd happily pay more taxes if it meant children's basic needs are met while they are in hospital.

You can't just leave a baby alone, regardless of needing those things. You have to call a member of staff and explain what you need. You wouldn't leave a baby at home alone to get food from the shops. It's unacceptable. The mum could have asked any of the other parents for help. Sometimes you have to reach out if you're in an impossible situation. Leaving the baby is not ok.

I would put a complaint in as that baby is obviously unwell to be staying in hospital. if they were choking because of crying and in that much distress it is a safeguarding issue as they wouldn’t know if that baby was safe. The nursing staff should of refused for the parent to leave if they were that understaff and couldn’t provide the care for the baby

You can put in a complaint to PALS or even Stephen Barcalay and the nurses may have already filled in an IR1 or DATIX, (they probably haven't because they don't have the tine but might even be vaguely planning on doing so although in reality it doesn't make any difference even if you do fill one in). But it wont get you anywhere because ultimately you cant magic up staff where they don't exist. Paediatric wards are meant to have one trained nurse for every 6 children but as Im sure you're aware there is a massive staffing crisis in the NHS.
They cannot let you help with the baby because of safeguarding. I very much doubt they promised the mother they would look after him/her whilst the mother was gone and I discourage my staff from doing this the vast majority of time, I always make it clear that we were sadly far too busy to even go to the loo and they certainly would be with that number of staff on an average paediatric ward.

I'd love to be able to settle babies all night long, but as long as they're safe and the basic physical needs are met I can't do anymore.

No, you really can't. So what this tells me is that this government doesn't care about a baby's emotional needs.

Ask the other parents for help with what?? Pretty sure they aren’t going to have a plethora of baby clothes and nappies available never mind a spare toothbrush for the parent.
This is bullshit advice, if you have no one who can bring you things to the hospital the nurses usually encourage you to go and get things. Leaving your baby in a hospital is not at all the same as leaving them home alone.

The staff know the mum has had to go and get stuff so they most certainly agreed it was okay and they would look after the baby.

Those saying mum shouldn't of left you don't know her situation and why she had to, I'm sure she wasn't happy about leaving baby who was ill enough to be in hospital. There are many reasons she may of had to. For those say put in PALs its safe guarding as baby shouldn't be left to cry. Nurses have all the sick c

hildren to look after and medications and obs to do and perhaps they felt those dc needs more important and baby was in a cot safe and if crying breathing etc (quiet baby may of actually of been more cause for concern to them).
Yes as a mum hearing a baby cry its instinct to want to offer comfort but again for a whole number of reasons its not acceptable and you just have to look after your own. Please don't judge anyone.

You absolutely can't work from home and look after a baby at the same time. it's unfair on your employer and you won't be doing your job to an acceptable standard. Unless your work is as a ward nurse in which case you can absolutely do your job with a baby or two attached to you. Why not 🤷‍♀️

I'm sorry but the Mum should not have left the baby.

No I wouldn't want a random stranger left alone with my baby.

@Peekingovertheparapet I totally get that babies cry and that's part & parcel of peads wards, we had that too from other little ones as well as various beeps going off and phones ringing etc. I think the difference here was the type of cry was just so desperate, and then knowing the poor bubs was alone. There weren't any wires, it was just in a cot with it's normal clothes on, no sheet etc either.

I have earphones with me but didn't want to chance putting them in and missing my own little one needing something, as his oxygen kept randomly dropping and needing the nose wires or oxygen mask on for a bit.

It's awful but unfortunate. Ds1 was in hospital as an infant and due to illness and temperature we were not allowed to pick him up in case we made him worse. He was 7 weeks old. The nurse then put a couple of pillows under a sheet tucked in as she said ds would feel like he was being held. I appreciate that's more difficult to do with an older baby who can roll/move more due to SIDS risk. It helped but it wasn't a total cure.

it did have a massive impact in terms of his development and he was recorded as having attachment disorder, due to his age and issues as he grew. Fortunately he has now mostly outgrown the attachment issues due to a lot of hard work on our part. But he does have SEND diagnosis and part of me will always wonder if that one week - illness and lack of hugs - made the difference there.

I don't blame nursing staff. It's the same on elder care wards. Not enough staff, high needs patients in terms of just conversation or time. But there's also no easy way to fix that unless yhe have dbs cleared volunteers coming in on a regular basis to provide auxiliary care

I used to have to go home because I was a single parent with other children at home.

I had no one to mind them at night.

What did you expect me to do?

I told the staff.

It was up to them to care for my child when I wasn't there. Not another parent.

(I had a child with multiple admissions as a baby. More than I can count)

Sorry but ab hour and they did nothing? That is negligent. And crying to the point of choking is dangerous surely, especially in a poorly baby.

When DS was in SCBU there were plenty of nurses and HCAs but they would congregate on the desk and do nothing but the OBS round. Babies regularly screamed and cried, the ones in the open cots after a while who didn't require oxygen support.

One time I had to go to the next ward to speak to the ward consultant, as there was no office in Scbu, I was only 10 minutes and she had said it was urgent.

I came back to SCBU, and could hear DS absolutely screaming. I got a HCA make a comment along the lines of "about time, he's been screaming for ages, hurry up and feed him". I was livid and placed a complaint in, none of them had checked on him and it made me really upset that he would be like that at night when I wasn't there. (No space on ward to stay over, and not allowed to sleep in chair next to them).

You do realise some people have other children and literally no choice don’t you

If the baby will be in for a prolonged period maybe the hospital volunteers can help. I’ve done it for a tiny baby with birth injuries who was in for quite a while, mum had two other children (one was still being bf) and the dad was…well I won’t comment on him. One of us was there at all times, even when mum was there she asked for us to stay. Volunteers are DBS checked and we’re free!

So was I supposed to

A. Stay with the baby in hospital who had nurses there who would take care of them - even if only basic care

Or

B Leave a 5 and 3 year old alone at home all night so I could stay with the baby?

Come on - leaving the baby was the only thing I could do.

WTH???
This does not happen in civilised countries. The NHS and our leaders who are ruining this country are a fucking disgrace. I have never heard this.

It's a frightening thought growing old in the UK. A failed state. 😡

@SirenSays you sound lovely, what a horrific experience.

This sort of comment is really very ignorant. The mother may have other children she needs to see, she may have been there for weeks and just need a break, a meal that hasn't been boiled grey, to do some laundry, a decently hot shower with a towel that isn't hospital-issue, a hug from her own mum. Some people's children are in hospital for weeks or months, sometimes repeatedly. It's bloody hard for them and yes sometimes they have to leave their child.

The mother had to leave her baby to collect some things. You don’t know what she’s got happening. Of course you can’t help because you are not staff.

OP this is so sad, it must have been so difficult to listen to.

We spent some time in hospital during covid when my little one was 5 months old. We were helped by family and friends, they’d drive me in so then me and DH could swap over and they’d bring us food. We don’t have any other DC so we didn’t have that to worry about.

Luckily by the time we were put in the ward DS wasn’t crying too much and the staff were very happy for me to breastfeed on demand.

What does seem to be a big difference is the staffing. The ward we were on had atleast 2 nurses (though I think there were more) and another 2 HCAs. The HCAs did a lot of the general care, I remember seeing one of them plait and brush a little girls hair which was lovely.

I popped out to make a drink on the ward kitchen once when I thought DS was asleep, I came back to find he was crying but he was already being comforted by a HCA.

This was a large children’s hospital on a specialist ward but it goes to show how different things are with the right staffing.

In terms of complaining, PALS aren't stupid, if you say it's not the nurses fault and that they were great they won't be criticised, they may even get credit. I run an NHS service, I WANT people to complain - it's not good enough (for us in terms of waiting times) and I know it. I apologise but that doesn't change anything. A patients voice is heard louder than mine.