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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Screaming baby on children's ward

394 replies

Tomblibooz · 09/02/2023 00:10

I'm on the children's ward tonight staying with my little one (who's currently fast asleep). Across the hall is a baby, I'd estimate to be around 4mo, left by themselves and has been screaming/crying for over an hour. The sort of wailing that it's making itself choke. It's heartbreaking to hear, and so I went for a wander to see what was going on and to offer to help.

Only 2 nurses on tonight, so short staffed. Baby's mum has gone home to pick up some things. Baby is left alone screaming in a cot, and has been for the hour basically.

I offered to go in and try and calm little one, even just sitting shushing or singing lullabies, but was told they couldn't allow it.

Aibu in thinking you'd prefer your little one to be looked after by a random mum, than be left alone screaming for over an hour on it's own?

I appreciate my hormones are all over the place just now and I'm on about night 3 of no sleep, so I may bu!

Yabu - people leave their own baby's to cry it out, baby was safe so no drama

Yanbu - for baby and everyone else's sake

OP posts:
JessicaFletcherscrewnecksweater · 09/02/2023 07:43

What time did the mum get back?

westoftheplanets · 09/02/2023 07:46

Those who are saying the mum shouldn't have left the baby.

Can you please tell me what someone like me is supposed to do?

I had childcare during the day but no one who could keep my other children overnight.

What else was I supposed to do?

Nowdontmakeamess · 09/02/2023 07:46

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 09/02/2023 07:34

You do realise some people have other children and literally no choice don’t you

Show quote history

Why on earth would you have another baby if you have no support with your existing children? There should be more thought given to what would happen in these circumstances. You never know when there might be an emergency, if you have literally no-one else who could help (partner, family, friends) then it’s completely irresponsible.

Wishiwasatailor · 09/02/2023 07:47

@Downtown123 a screaming baby is not a choking baby. A baby that is crying that can be heard through a closed door has a good airway. Doesn’t mean that they don’t need comforting but as a paeds nurse I wouldn’t be worried about their airway

westoftheplanets · 09/02/2023 07:47

@Nowdontmakeamess I was a single parent. I'd left the shitty man at that point.

I'd loved area for safety as well, so I didn't have a support network in the new area.

How was I irresponsible? Please can you explain?

westoftheplanets · 09/02/2023 07:48

*moved

FeinCuroxiVooz · 09/02/2023 07:48

when I was 6 and on a children's ward overnight I was kept awake by a crying toddler in the bed opposite. I realise now that the child was in pain and distress (limbs in traction, must have been in an awful accident) but at the time I only felt anger and resentment, which makes me feel guilty in retrospect.

so sorry for this situation. before deciding whether to put a PALS complaint in, find out whether the "normal" standard staffing is supposed to be 3 and they are just coping with 2, or whether 2 is supposed to be the staffing level. if they have the correct number of staff overnight then the complaint would be perceived as a criticism of the nurses, but if officially understaffed it's different.

gogohmm · 09/02/2023 07:51

I don't think everyone here understands what is provided during hospital stays for young children. Yes medical care is provided but normal care, the kind you would provide at home, so feeding, nappy changing etc is the responsibility of parents/guardians on the normal wards. This isn't unusual btw, in some countries you have to provide food even for adults in hospital (or pay)! It's unfortunate that the baby was distressed but there's not 1:1 staff on a normal ward overnight, far from in, the nurses will have lots of work to do and can't spend hours comforting a baby who has had its needs met - it's highly unusual for a baby to be left alone in my experience

FlippityFlippityFlop · 09/02/2023 07:51

YANBU.

My baby was readmitted at 2 weeks old with rsv and they were put on a change childrens ward. It was terrible - you couldn't even go to the toilet for fear of leaving them alone as the nurses only did the regular checks (that coupled with the fact that only 1 parent was allowed on the ward).

In my opinion babies should be together in a separate room a bit like the nursery in SCBU where the nurse is in the middle of the roon with the cots around the room

Xrays · 09/02/2023 07:51

Really sad to read this. 😞 Our NHS and social care system is really at breaking point.

I had surgery two weeks ago. Due to my complex medical needs I was put into a discharge ward when I was ready to go home (had to wait for an ambulance to transfer me) with very elderly patients who were waiting for hospital transport back to their nursing homes. These were people with dementia, complex medical needs, very very elderly. They were crammed 30 ish into the room, forced to sit in hard uncomfortable chairs and waiting hours - sometimes all day for transport. Many of them were crying and calling out for the nurses (2 of them for the whole room) to take them to the toilet or for a drink. I ended up helping several of them because I simply couldn’t stand leaving them to feel so desperate- despite the fact I’d just had surgery myself and it wasn’t really safe to do so - I was supposed to be recovering!

And it’s made me realise this is what we have to look forward to when we get older. (My mum was in a nursing home when she died of bowel cancer so I know it only too well).

Not enough staff, not enough money, not enough of everything. Really sad.

Shesasuperfreak · 09/02/2023 07:51

Social services can look after your other children whilst you comfort and provide care to your baby.

Where would your children go if you, yourself were in hospital?

tiredwardsister · 09/02/2023 07:52

"The staff know the mum has had to go and get stuff so they most certainly agreed it was okay and they would look after the baby."
You may find this hard to believe (40 years in the NHS and I can believe anything now) but some parents just walk off the ward and leave a baby without telling the staff. Secondly as I said above I very much doubt the staff said they'd look after him, as in sit with him/her whilst the parents are not there especially if they are that short staffed, I'm sure they said they'd "keep an eye on it" and I hope on my ward staff would put the baby on a sats monitor and maybe if they have time which I doubt if they are that short staffed briefly pop in (if they are in a side room) but realistically they are not going to do anymore than that. Those suggesting volunteers the OP posted at midnight we struggle to get reliable volunteers for 11 am on Wednesday morning.

westoftheplanets · 09/02/2023 07:53

Shesasuperfreak · 09/02/2023 07:51

Social services can look after your other children whilst you comfort and provide care to your baby.

Where would your children go if you, yourself were in hospital?

So you expected my other children to go into care because my baby was in hospital?

Me being in hospital is totally different and yes, in that situation I'd expect my children to go into foster care.

Sometimes people don't have choices or the only ones they have are shitty.

Calphurnia88 · 09/02/2023 07:54

Poor baby.

No one should be left screaming on their own for over an hour, even if 'all their needs are met' (I hate this phrase). Especially someone who is unwell enough to be in hospital.

It's not the nurses fault, and I can understand why they can't let you intervene, but I would personally put a complaint in. If they're understaffed, it needs to be reported. If they're not understaffed, it also needs to be reported.

Sirzy · 09/02/2023 07:54

Shesasuperfreak · 09/02/2023 07:51

Social services can look after your other children whilst you comfort and provide care to your baby.

Where would your children go if you, yourself were in hospital?

Yes because social services have so many foster carers just sat around twiddling their thumbs waiting to make things even harder for a family don’t they!

Shesasuperfreak · 09/02/2023 07:55

Yes, social services provide short term care when there is no other option. It isn't just for negligent or abusive parents.

AnotherNameChangeYes · 09/02/2023 07:55

What the staff need to do is Datix/IR1 the shift about the staffing. I expect they’ve done a lot of them, we all have. Never changes anything.

westoftheplanets · 09/02/2023 07:55

As far as I'm aware social services would expect me to leave the baby.

It was certainly never offered to me to have my other kids put into care because the baby was in hospital.

Twillow · 09/02/2023 07:56

Yes, it's sad to hear a baby cry but you must know why random strangers cannot be permitted to cuddle someone else's baby when the parents are not there. I expect the nurses wish they could do it themselves but I imagine you are seeing the staffing crisis for yourself.

Wishiwasatailor · 09/02/2023 07:56

@Shesasuperfreak social services would not provide childcare if you have to attend hospital with your other child as an emergency admission. Possibly if it was a planned longer term admission. Do you not realise there’s a massive shortage of foster carers? Social services would say that the baby is in a safe place and parent should be with their children at home

westoftheplanets · 09/02/2023 07:58

If it's an emergency admission surely you take the other kids with you? And once admitted leave the baby in hospital who has care in place (ok not optimal but there are nurses and hcp there to care for the baby) and see to your other children?

I honestly don't think SS would step in in this case.

iusedtobeasize8 · 09/02/2023 07:58

FlippityFlippityFlop · 09/02/2023 07:51

YANBU.

My baby was readmitted at 2 weeks old with rsv and they were put on a change childrens ward. It was terrible - you couldn't even go to the toilet for fear of leaving them alone as the nurses only did the regular checks (that coupled with the fact that only 1 parent was allowed on the ward).

In my opinion babies should be together in a separate room a bit like the nursery in SCBU where the nurse is in the middle of the roon with the cots around the room

This wouldnt work though. Babies with infections eg. RSV have to be nursed in side rooms/isolation otherwise all the other patients would be at risk.

FlippityFlippityFlop · 09/02/2023 07:58

@gogohmm it really isn't highly unusual. In my case at one point my baby was put in their own room. The toilet was along the corridor and way down the hall. My babys oxygen rate was all over the place and I had to keep a constant eye on them, their monitor could only be heard alarming if you were in the room with them - they weren't hooked up to the central station. So if I left my 2 week old baby I would just have to "hope" that a nurse would be walking past at the right point if anything did happen.

Care should be appropriate to the patient needs - and a babies needs are different.

MissMaple82 · 09/02/2023 07:58

Mum should have arranged someone to go get essentials or swapped sitting in with baby whilst she goes herself. Nobodies fault the mum. I wouldn't leave a 4 month old on its own

westoftheplanets · 09/02/2023 07:59

MissMaple82 · 09/02/2023 07:58

Mum should have arranged someone to go get essentials or swapped sitting in with baby whilst she goes herself. Nobodies fault the mum. I wouldn't leave a 4 month old on its own

I didn't have anybody. What was I supposed to do?