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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Screaming baby on children's ward

394 replies

Tomblibooz · 09/02/2023 00:10

I'm on the children's ward tonight staying with my little one (who's currently fast asleep). Across the hall is a baby, I'd estimate to be around 4mo, left by themselves and has been screaming/crying for over an hour. The sort of wailing that it's making itself choke. It's heartbreaking to hear, and so I went for a wander to see what was going on and to offer to help.

Only 2 nurses on tonight, so short staffed. Baby's mum has gone home to pick up some things. Baby is left alone screaming in a cot, and has been for the hour basically.

I offered to go in and try and calm little one, even just sitting shushing or singing lullabies, but was told they couldn't allow it.

Aibu in thinking you'd prefer your little one to be looked after by a random mum, than be left alone screaming for over an hour on it's own?

I appreciate my hormones are all over the place just now and I'm on about night 3 of no sleep, so I may bu!

Yabu - people leave their own baby's to cry it out, baby was safe so no drama

Yanbu - for baby and everyone else's sake

OP posts:
kateandme · 09/02/2023 05:28

oh goodness.side room with door shut.please never ever go in their to a baby. you dont no what infectio control they are under.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 09/02/2023 05:29

Hmm. If for any reason I had to leave my baby in hospital without me I absolutely would NOT want some random woman sticking her oar in. You have no idea why the baby was crying and it's none of your business. I understand that it's hard to hear a baby cry and do nothing and you obviously mean well but you just can't interfere with other people's babies. I would hit the roof and would want the nurses to explain why they put my child at risk of infection, physical harm or abduction. Babies cry for lots of reasons, its obviously in hospital for something and it's not going to do any real long term harm to allow it to cry for a bit. As an adult I am sure you can cope with the noise for a while.

Sleepless1096 · 09/02/2023 05:38

That would break my heart. I'd let the mother know. As a parent, I'd want to know. If you're in for a few days, I'd also offer to cuddle the baby if she has to leave and if it happens again - she can either take you up on the offer and give you permission, make other arrangements or accept that the baby needs to be left to cry, but at that point you've done all you can.

watchfulwishes · 09/02/2023 05:43

It would be completely out of order to enter a private room and handle someone else's baby. I would be making a complaint if a random person was able to gain access to my baby in a side room.

The crying is upsetting, it is a sad situation, but if the baby is being checked medically it is not in danger. Many babies are left to cry every night, the only difference is you can hear this one. In hospitals there will be many babies just as upset but too physically weak to cry like that.

Nurses can't provide high levels of non-medical care to each patient, clearly, in our underfunded system.

So yes, upsetting to hear, but there is no danger for you to avert and it isn't inappropriate to intervene.

Wishiwasatailor · 09/02/2023 05:43

@PumpkinPastiez we always hold babies or pop them in pushchairs and keep them at the desk whilst doing paperwork. Obviously not whilst going in to see patients or doing IVs. I’ve been a paeds nurse for over 15years in several hospitals including large childrens teaching hospitals and small DGHs.

Isthisexpected · 09/02/2023 05:49

Sadly the reality is we can't expect the nurses to look after a crying baby if they have dozens of patients to care for in a children's ward.

^ your standards of care are so so low.

Put in a complaint. They are under staffed and providing poor care/negligence.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/02/2023 05:54

Of course you can't go and grab a random baby! They have no idea who you are.

You did know there was a nurse strike on?

Mumdiva99 · 09/02/2023 06:19

How sad that this is even a thread. How sad our NHS is this understaffed.
How sad we live in a world where a mother cannot sooth a crying baby - even if it isn't hers.

We all need to take political action about the first. I don't know how we fix the second.....

plumduck · 09/02/2023 06:22

I'm sorry but they did the right thing. You could be anyone. You could have walked off with the baby. It sounds heartbreaking though

Xol · 09/02/2023 06:26

Years ago when DC1 was in hospital there was a similar situation with a distressed child on her own. I suspect she may have been abused as she had marks that looked rather too much like cigarette burns. DC1 was asleep and the other child asked me to take her to the loo, presumably as she felt she couldn't manage on her own. I asked the nurses if that was OK and they were very happy to let me, and for me to sit and read to her a bit afterwards.. But that was obviously in more relaxed times, and I can understand the nurses' position last night.

Alldrelaxzz · 09/02/2023 06:27

Never vote for the bastards that put the NHS in this state. Fuck you Tories. So upsetting to see what they have done. Anyone that votes for them can either afford private, and don't care about those who can't or are stupid.
I've worked in hospitals since I was 16 (as a cleaner) on and off and it's so upsetting to see what they have done.

mummyh2016 · 09/02/2023 06:27

Is the penny finally dropping for some people as to what the strikes are for?
No they cannot get extra people in, don't you think they would've done this before?
And as to the nurses being negligent, are you taking the actual piss? Those nurses would probably love nothing more than to sit cuddling a baby all night. They aren't childminders though, they are healthcare professionals with other more important jobs to do. File a negligence report and guess what? A ward that is staffed by two people may only be staffed by one next week or none which will mean it will close.
I really don't understand the thought process of some posters on here.

Sindonym · 09/02/2023 06:35

I think PALS. Just be very clear you are complaining about lack of staff not the nurses actions. These things do need to be logged. The nurses should be able to raise a concern on the system as well (but may not because they may well get bollocked/bullied for doing so).

Also send that comment (anonymise the situation) to your MP - because this is political. These things are happening because of government choices.

Point out a young patient in the ward was distressed to the point she was asking if she could help the baby as well.

7447Br3nnans · 09/02/2023 06:37

I think some mumsmnetters need to stick to sorting out their own jobs. A few days ago posters were dictating that unwell teens shouldn’t be on paed wards now there is a thread with posters declaring a crying baby means nurses are providing poor care and negligence.

PurpleFlower1983 · 09/02/2023 06:42

I would put a complaint in, that’s really not adequate care for the poor baby! I’m not saying it’s the nurses’ fault but it’s still not right.

kilos · 09/02/2023 06:49

@Tomblibooz sounds gut wrenching. Hope they have settled down now.
What's up with your little one, hope they're ok?

EtonMessy · 09/02/2023 06:49

Since you are asking what you should do ! Later today go onto your local university website and apply to do a nursing degree, spend the next three years getting into debt since they scrapped nursing bursaries, then qualify to work as a nurse on an understaffed ward doing a 12 hour shift trying your best to provide safe care to a ward full of ill patients often needing care and treatments at the same time , when you’ll have no time to grab something to eat or drink which is just as well as you’ll probably not have a chance to quickly pop to the loo !!
During the nursing degree you’ll also learn about infection control and why some patients are put into side rooms !
Also, seeing as during this time there will be a general election, don’t vote for the frigging Tories who are systematically destroying our NHS !!

neverendinglauaundry · 09/02/2023 06:57

YANBU. Surely this is an ask forgiveness not permission situation? If it were my baby I'd far rather someone comforted them

neverendinglauaundry · 09/02/2023 06:59

And also, I completely agree with you & others that it's not the nurses fault - poor things. I can't imagine a more stressful job.

WombsofWimbledon · 09/02/2023 07:01

PumpkinPastiez · 09/02/2023 01:16

@WombsofWimbledon you clearly have no concept of what it's like to work on a children's ward or what it's like to treat babies. The poster you quoted is correct in so many ways. It's not possible to feed really unwell babies because they don't digest feed but they still feel hunger and will cry, would you prefer staff to feed a baby and milk them so they're not crying?

I’m sure I don’t know what it’s like to work on ward. I have a lot of sympathy and empathy for medical staff at the moment. I also have the same for newborn babies who can’t be comforted, whatever the reason. It is upsetting.

Perfect28 · 09/02/2023 07:02

Why has the parent gone home? You can't leave a child alone! Nurses are not childcare !

WombsofWimbledon · 09/02/2023 07:03

7447Br3nnans · 09/02/2023 06:37

I think some mumsmnetters need to stick to sorting out their own jobs. A few days ago posters were dictating that unwell teens shouldn’t be on paed wards now there is a thread with posters declaring a crying baby means nurses are providing poor care and negligence.

We can have opinions though. People just do. It’s horrendous working in the NHS right now. And often horrendous being a patient. It’s shit all round.

WombsofWimbledon · 09/02/2023 07:05

Perfect28 · 09/02/2023 07:02

Why has the parent gone home? You can't leave a child alone! Nurses are not childcare !

Getting food. Looking after another child who is not allowed on the ward. Picking up clean clothes. Etc. Etc.

Sirzy · 09/02/2023 07:11

Perfect28 · 09/02/2023 07:02

Why has the parent gone home? You can't leave a child alone! Nurses are not childcare !

Sometimes there is no choice. It’s rarely what someone wants to do but things aren’t that simple in the real world.

ds has spent more nights than I can count in hospital, I am lucky that ds is an only child and when he has had his long stints in I have had relatives who can tag team with me to let me go and actually sleep. Not everyone has that.

ds has also more than once screamed through the night even when he had people with him. It’s a downside of being ill and covered in wires and tubes!

Crumpetdisappointment · 09/02/2023 07:11

some just abandon their babies on the ward!