Why keep reproducing with lazy DHs?

[Fifi00]

I've seen this a few times , wife complains DH is lazy and does nothing with the first DC then proceeds to get pregnant again and sometimes again. Adding more stress and pressure , why would someone have more DC with a lazy father? He isn't going to suddenly get a personality transplant.

I agree, @Fifi00 , there’s no guarantees that siblings will be close or help each other out on any way.

DH and I are from v. different families, he has three siblings and I’m an only. I think he’s had an easier time in many ways, but I also had a happy childhood, albeit less carefree as I was more aware of my parent’s problems and had no one to share them with.

It’s definitely harder caring for my elderly Dad than for my friends who have siblings. I’m currently taking time off work to help him, not for the first time, and I’m lucky that my employers are very understanding. I wish I could clone myself!

I will definitely prepare everything in advanced, I don't want my DD looking after me or feeling responsible. I would feel the same if I had multiple DC.

I’m the same, @Fifi00, I want to minimize the burden on my children. We never know what’s around the corner though and I think many people ends up doing more for their elderly parents than anyone anticipated, partly because people live so much longer nowadays! My Dad does organize help himself -a cleaner, meals on wheels, etc., but he gets v. tired and has a lot of medical problems. He’s a creaky gate!

Probably many different reasons.

It's hard to say.

I feel saddest for the ones in abusive situations having 4 or more children with some workshy lazy drunk. They don't have much of a choice when they're beaten down and isolated.

I suspect many wanted to finish having their children with one guy even though they had an inkling things weren't going to last.

I knew before I gave birth to my 2nd that I was done and had arranged prior to have tubes tied a few hours after I gave birth. No faffing around with pills or condoms. No regrets.

@Fifi00 surely only logic and reasoning came into whether or not to have dc would be a good idea in todays age no one would have dc!

I actually think it’s perfectly possible for a man to show his true colours after a second child but not after a first.

@Fifi00 The first year after my daughter was born was one of the worst experiences i’ve ever had. My husband is out of the house 60hours per week for work and even when he is here then (and still now) he believes he is priority for rest and sleep and that it’s solely my job to look after our child and the house, even though i also have an actual (and highly stressful) job too. I can’t be bothered to list it all but he’s narcissistic, selfish, devoid of empathy. I have no family support either due to family illness. I always would have struggled with mild PND but with a different man this would’ve been quickly resolved, unfortunately his disgusting behaviour made it worse. He sat there watching me crumble and instead of helping, judged me because i wasn’t willing to be like his doormat mother.
Anyway, With a different husband i might’ve had another child but I will never leave myself at his mercy again and my parenting would deteriorate rapidly under that pressure with another kid and zero support. So I agree with you, you have to make sensible choices regardless of how many kids you desire. what’s the old saying “fool me once…”
People don’t understand the difference between need and want.