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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bride isn’t talking to me - follow on update

417 replies

Aperolsprizter · 07/02/2023 15:17

Hello,
I posted this thread a while ago and got some great objective advice www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4635974-bride-not-talking-to-me-but-wont-tell-me-why-wwyd

upshot was that my friend, a bride to be, just stopped talking to me one day. Was rude at an event we were at. I reached out several times asking if I’d done something wrong and made it clear I was open to talking about it if I had (despite the last time us seeing each other prior everything had been lovely, or so I thought).

anyway, still heard nothing. The bride to bes mum in law has messaged the group whatsapp for bridesmaids asking for the deposit for the hen do. I politely replied to her directly not in the chat saying I hadn’t been in contact with the bride for six months so assumed I wasn’t part of the wedding etc - response was “bride will be in touch soon”.

this was two weeks ago and I’ve heard nothing. Wibu to leave the group chat? I know there’s others without me in anyway, but I don’t want to seem petty and I don’t know if I should grab the bull and message her? I know this seems weak but we’ve been friends for years prior to this, and although I can’t see the relationship repairing now I feel like I want to remain calm and collected in it all.

OP posts:
Rainbowsparkles29 · 13/02/2023 11:42

Mothership4two · 13/02/2023 11:24

I would put something in writing to the bride detailing exactly what's happened and, because of how she has acted, you are not going and so you are not expecting to fork out any more. Make sure there is a clear timeline. Be clear and concise. You don't want to have to get into a bun fight about your costs after the wedding.

I know you don't want to do this and want her to come to you to explain but you may end up with her saying she expected you there and here's your invoice thank you very much

The bride has made it very clear that she doesn't want to engage even politely with OP. OP needs to oblige with this and not react to her dramatics or she'll just string her along for more dramatics. Geez it's not that difficult. Are people's lives so boring that they actually pander to this bullshit?

Mothership4two · 13/02/2023 12:12

@Rainbowsparkles29

Geez she doesn't want to be presented with invoices/costs after the event either. Personally that would be more of a priority.

Rainbowsparkles29 · 13/02/2023 12:40

Mothership4two · 13/02/2023 12:12

@Rainbowsparkles29

Geez she doesn't want to be presented with invoices/costs after the event either. Personally that would be more of a priority.

So send her one last message to say she assumes she isn't wanted and won't be treated like this therefore she no longer wishes to be part of the wedding, message the bridal party with a factual account of the situation so they know not to include her in any future events/costs and if she's asked for any more money tell her to swing for it. She should've done this months ago. I feel sorry for anyone who feels so worthless and so eager to please that they'd allow themselves to be treated like this

Mothership4two · 13/02/2023 12:49

That's basically what I said.

I agree she should have done this sooner and been more vocal about the whole thing. I am rubbish at this passive aggressive read between the lines stuff. I have to be direct and possibly put my foot in it!

takethedevilledeggs · 14/02/2023 08:39

I would also send the final message just to get it over and done.
What a spiteful dick this 'friend' is.

Original poster
Aperolsprizter · 18/02/2023 15:32

Hey guys,
fjnal update - on Monday was removed from all the remaining chats / bride has unfriended and unfollowed me on any social media - still no explanation but I am relieved! Thanks all for the solid advice even if parts of it o chose not to take

OP posts:
BabsDylan · 18/02/2023 15:35

I’m glad you’re relieved OP.
So rubbish to not have an explanation from your friend!

custardcreme77 · 18/02/2023 15:35

You are well rid of her.

MisschiefMaker · 18/02/2023 15:36

Wow. What a horrible bride.

Do you think you'll ever see her again?

Companyofwolves · 18/02/2023 15:41

What a total bitch. You are so well rid of her OP!

Christmaspyjamas · 18/02/2023 15:43

God knows what would have happened if you'd gone on that hen weekend!

LAMPS1 · 18/02/2023 15:45

6 months was a long time for no contact from her before her wedding. But her silence (ignorance) gave you time to work out in your head that it was her not you at fault. And this unfriending and unfollowing now validates it all for you. She is very cowardly not to have given you a chance to either apologise or defend yourself.
One day, you will probably be given a clue to what it’s all been about but seems to me you don’t like the drama anyway and are over it already.
Plan a suitable treat for yourself on that day and enjoy it.

Original poster
Aperolsprizter · 18/02/2023 15:51

Hey -
I don’t think we can be friends. I suspect she may after the wedding come back to me (similar has happened before) but if I’ve done something wrong I am always happy to be told by people I care about and will always look at what I’ve done (not saying I’ll just change but will look at why they are upset etc). If you choose to ghost me when the door has been open at least 5 times plus six months silence, it indicates to me it’s a you problem rather than me. I expect it’s to do with condensing the bridal party down but as I’ve said I’d be happy to step down as a bridesmaid if I’d have been told directly x

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 18/02/2023 16:19

Aperolsprizter · 18/02/2023 15:51

Hey -
I don’t think we can be friends. I suspect she may after the wedding come back to me (similar has happened before) but if I’ve done something wrong I am always happy to be told by people I care about and will always look at what I’ve done (not saying I’ll just change but will look at why they are upset etc). If you choose to ghost me when the door has been open at least 5 times plus six months silence, it indicates to me it’s a you problem rather than me. I expect it’s to do with condensing the bridal party down but as I’ve said I’d be happy to step down as a bridesmaid if I’d have been told directly x

Hope you'll tell her to get lost!

SeriouslyLTB · 18/02/2023 16:22

What a horrible person she is. Well done for staying calm OP. I’m sure it hurts a bit though, so sending love. ❤️

ItchyBillco · 18/02/2023 16:33

She sounds truly awful. What a nasty dick she is. I hope she sees this thread and recognises herself.

MyCatIsAnnoyinglyCute · 18/02/2023 16:41

What an absolute bitch.

Don’t let her crawl back, ever. You are done.

T1Dmama · 18/02/2023 16:41

hell would freeze over before I allowed such a flaky person back into my my life @Aperolsprizter!
I’m glad you hadn’t paid any deposits for Hen nights etc.. with the money saved book yourself a lovely girly holiday somewhere lovely and post pics on social media of you sat on a beach… she’ll still have ways of spying on you I’m sure!! have you heard from the mutual friend at all?? Or is she ghosting you too?

T1Dmama · 18/02/2023 16:49

Please don’t ever open your door to her ever again…. In fact I’d now take the lead and block her on all social platforms l, block her number and her email….. be done with her…… no one needs people like her in their life!
What’s her address and wedding date… we could all send the groom a sympathy card!! 😂😂 (joking obviously!)… but would be funny him getting thousands of sympathy cards 😂😂😂😂

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/02/2023 17:29

The drama queen has left the building. You are so much better off without her. Never let her back into your life again. Block everywhere so you’re never tempted.

BobSacamono · 18/02/2023 17:35

Good for you OP, I’m glad you’re relieved. You’re definitely better off without that drama.

Diva66 · 18/02/2023 17:36

You are better off out of it OP, no wonder you feel relieved.

Leirvassbu · 18/02/2023 17:44

Glad there has been a resolution to this.
Get her blocked on everything so she can't worm her way back in.
Awful woman.

Original poster
Aperolsprizter · 18/02/2023 18:24

Hi all,
obvs won’t be friends again now. Sad as we’d been friends for years but that’s the way it is!

my final thinking is that if I had done something so awful that I’d stopped her wanting to talk to me… I’d asked her several times and left my door open and if she’d said “actually you’ve done xyz and it’s hurt me so much” I’d have listened. But she didn’t and there was nothing to indicate I’d done that!

thanks for the sage advice x

OP posts:
kateandme · 18/02/2023 18:38

Do you no mil well? Could you ask her if bride " is ok" and for some explanation? Or any of the others? Since its over now anyway