Bride isn’t talking to me - follow on update

[Aperolsprizter]

Hello,
I posted this thread a while ago and got some great objective advice www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4635974-bride-not-talking-to-me-but-wont-tell-me-why-wwyd

upshot was that my friend, a bride to be, just stopped talking to me one day. Was rude at an event we were at. I reached out several times asking if I’d done something wrong and made it clear I was open to talking about it if I had (despite the last time us seeing each other prior everything had been lovely, or so I thought).

anyway, still heard nothing. The bride to bes mum in law has messaged the group whatsapp for bridesmaids asking for the deposit for the hen do. I politely replied to her directly not in the chat saying I hadn’t been in contact with the bride for six months so assumed I wasn’t part of the wedding etc - response was “bride will be in touch soon”.

this was two weeks ago and I’ve heard nothing. Wibu to leave the group chat? I know there’s others without me in anyway, but I don’t want to seem petty and I don’t know if I should grab the bull and message her? I know this seems weak but we’ve been friends for years prior to this, and although I can’t see the relationship repairing now I feel like I want to remain calm and collected in it all.

Personally I think I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of thinking I care 😂

Have you got a bridesmaid dress?

Clear.y she just doesn’t like you . Could be anything; she’s jealous, you are annoying
, she’s wanting a different friendship group, she bonkers. Whatever.
She’s completely gutless though. She’s involved you in her life plans. That’s on her. If she wasn’t sure she should have an adult conversation about why it now wasn’t going to work.
A silent volte face is really rude and unfair.

Please don’t do the above!

Block her back on all channels including your number and move on. If you ever run into her again treat like you would someone you barely know.

She’s finally out of your life!

p.s. do not attempt to return the dress!

Bride tries to be friends again.

Aperolspritzer puts on her pointy boot.

Mil messaged saying she was “so sorry and doesn’t know what’s happened”. I replied saying bride has been an ar** and i was done with further engagement!

am with partner with a glass of rose on a weekend away so 🥂

✊🏻bloody good for you OP
Msg from MIL is the closest you’re going to get on closure on this for now 🤷🏼‍♀️
maybe you’ll find out one day what her problem is …. When you’re past caring 🤪
cheers 🥂

Can you wear the bridesmaid dress at something else & have lots of pics looking gawgus in it - preferably someone else’s wedding 😂

I don't understand why you bothered with her she sounds bat shit.

i was only saying. op has been through months of this. enough to warrent someone telling her wtf is going on. closure.

oh this would be fantastic. but do it sublte.
or post an advert on fb."cheap unwanted dress going for 50p" accidently tag someone she knows in it.

Even better! 😂

Well, at least her MIL knows to be wary of her future DIL. She’s the only courteous one of the whole bunch!

I don’t think she should be reaching out to MIL and should move on. She already waited too long for 6 months and to start asking MIL now is just creating more drama and putting the MIL in the middle of what is none of her business.

I would leave the group.

If your "friend" was to message you then I'd be in no rush to reply!

The mil sounds the only classy one of the bunch. Bet she is really worried about her ds marrying this woman.

The positive thing to take from this is that you no longer have to put up with her.

Ooh, cheers @Aperolsprizter , have a nice weekend away. Glad all is somewhat resolved I guess.

Will you have an Aperol Spritz?

Pleaseeee do this… but in a subtle way so it’s not plain obvious you’re doing it to wind her up

the mil has been in touch with her since.more than once even about the wedding itself.

Some brides go absolutely batshit and self absorbed ,gnore her now.

Probably wouldn’t have used the word arse but it’s done with. What if the bride has seen this thread, or the last one, and recognises herself and is ashamed and doesn't know how to respond. Whatever she said, it would be relayed on here so any friends irl would get a confirmation it was her. That’s the only logical conclusion I can come to where I have a small amount of sympathy with her. However, you have been restrained in what you’ve said. She could have come clean. There is no justification. Poor MIL must be very confused.

I'd be absolutely up front with the MIL and tell her why you're leaving the group chat. It's totally ridiculous to expect you to pay for a hen do and even attend the wedding when the bride isn't speaking to you.

Either she has it out with you or you cut ties, you've got to force the issue now. I'd have been annoyed after a few months!

This is bizarre. I've come to this late, so only read the OP posts. For six months you've been too passive to remove yourself from a hen group with a polite "I'm unable to attend, so I'm removing myself from the group, have a great time", which will have caused everyone planning issues and is on you rather than the bride, who may not even know if you were in the group! You could easily have kept fall-out between you and your friend, yet you suddenly feel happy telling your ex friend's MIL, a woman you don't even know, that the bride is an ar**! (Unclear if you wrote arse in full for MIL.) The bride has behaved oddly and rudely, but you could have just gracefully ducked away from this months ago without the rudeness on your side. It's really hard to see what you think is a moral high ground.

@Aperolsprizter have you let your other bridesmaid friend know? I know you don't want to involve others but I'm sure she'd like to know you were no longer attending, and perhaps she may talk to the bride to find out why. If it was me I would want to try to find out why for closure, though suspect there is no proper reason, probably some more nonsense like she didn't feel you seemed excited enough about the wedding. Getting another person to block you etc is very odd behaviour. You've been very dignified in all this so well done, this woman was sadly obviously never really a friend.

Well done op. She was a arse, her behaviour isn't normal she's probably moved onto her next victim by now. Not your loss though 🙌🏻