Why do I find being a mum so hard when others seem fine ??

[feddupppp]

I am just so exhausted of if all.

From the moment I wake up and even when I'm asleep essentially because I get woken up constantly, I'm completely responsible for two little ones. (3 years and 9 months). It's just go go go. Clean this, change that, carry this, carry that. It never stops. The demands, the whingeing- does not stop.

My 3 year old goes to nursery ( although she's never there as she's always ill), but my 9 month old is even more work than her now. Constantly falling, grabbing stuff, putting stuff in his mouth etc. constant poo explosions. Crawls away and resists nappy changes like I've never seen before.

I have help occasionally from my mum, she comes and stays a couple of weeks and it's bliss. My H is there one day a week, but other than that, I'm completely on my own in it. I know others have it way worse than me, but I'm just not coping. I just can't do it. I hate my life. It's so small. It's just them. I go back to work soon, but I'm scared it will be even worse for me.

I've had such a bad few weeks of the kids not letting me sleep, having to look after them whilst I've also been sick myself. I keep vomiting and having stomach bugs or something. ( it's being investigated ).

How do we find the strength to carry on ? How do we do this ? I try to talk to my H about this. I tried tonight and ended up in a fight. He doesn't get it. I told him he doesn't get it, because he's never done it before. He's never taken them both somewhere alone, had the 3 year old have a massive unstoppable tantrum - then had them both fall asleep in the car and had them both screaming and crying when he got them home and tried to get them out of the car. He's also never had to somehow get them both in the house ( plus bags ) then sort them both out, make sure they're safe, make them dinner, get them to bed etc. it all just seems so much right now. Maybe it's because I've been unwell, but I can't see how I can carry on.

I have a 4 year old and an 8 month old and it’s just so so hard. It’s relentless.

@Forgooodnesssakenow look up the word bully! I'm trying to help. Take your nastiness and go away. Have a good day....oooh I'm sorry, is that toxic too?

I’m so glad there are so many others on here who have mentioned the getting them in and out of the car, I’ve always thought it was just me who found that a pain! (And even on this thread I’ve just typed ‘difficult’ ‘stressful’ ‘trying’ and a few other variations before settling on ‘a pain’ for fear of being jumped on for choosing any of those other words).

OP you haven’t got the right friends if they all seem to love it.

My favourite people when my kids were little were people I could say “Isn’t this just fucking awful sometimes” to. Those women who claimed to love every minute of having kids - I can’t be friends with them!

My life improved significantly the day they could both get themselves into the car and strap themselves in. I have an irrational hatred of plugging my kids into cars

iv never posted anywhere before but felt so compelled to write after reading your post OP.
I'm a mum of 3 and I felt every word you wrote. mumming is the hardest job ever and we ALL struggle. please don't feel alone. I struggled with severe PND and found the first thing to help was joining a baby/toddler group and meeting with other mums. I promise it'll make you feel not so alone. find mums like you and hopefully you'll be able to moan about all the crappy times and find the funny side - that's essential.
do you have family who could help even for a couple hrs to give you a break on your own?
I think your DH needs to support you more. your life and happiness is just as important as his and your mental health is vital to helping you feel able to be the best mum you can and time to be YOU again and not just 'mum' and 'partner' is essential. I promise it will get easier but you're not alone. sending hugs x

Everyone struggles honestly. I spoke with another mum friend I have recently. We both confessed to thinking the other had no issues. We shared comical stories out our meltdowns and the need to take a few minutes breather.
It us important that if you can have breaks when your partner is there. It’s something I did with my partner since my son was born. It does mean we get less time together but it means we both get a rest. It’s only temporary while our son is little.

My mother told me that raising children is drudgery. She always told me the truth.

I was raised with her often working two jobs and killing herself to put my sibling through university. She was always stressed and died in her 50’s.

Which is why I was very careful to only have a child with a man on a high income and I’m thankful that I did. I don’t know how I would care for a child and work full-time or even part time.

My world is small and the work is drudgery. But I was under no illusion that this is what motherhood actually is. It’s doing the same things every day. It’s never putting yourself first.

It’s thankless, it’s lonely and it sets your career back.

Hey honestly can't say much more than what the other ladies are saying honestly I know how you feel I'm constantly saying I want my child not to be with me due to being a older mum to my second at 44! Plus I get no support at all my daughter nearly 2 extra clingy dad is about we not together but comes here to see her refuses point blank to have her I'm constantly aching feeling dizzy. I push through it unfortunately I have mental health issues some days lucky to of been able to brush my hair don't let others make you feel rubbishbecause your struggling I get no support at all but I would never not validate someone struggling just because they get help . Honestly hun there are days I have wanted to just leave her in her pram and walk away but due to some personal issues over my son ( another subject) I know I can't I even told her father once her going in care was better than having me. Then laterthat evening when a sleep I sit there crying and feeling so so guilty for feeling that. We are all aloud to feel like crap say we are struggling I feel there should be more support for mothers really. As a lady suggested try go to the group's stay and play at churches or children centres etc it can really make a difference but I know it can be hard to get out the door. Your doing your best it's all you can do it's all any of us can x

I felt the same way OP! A crushing weight of responsibility. A friend said, it will pass. And hugged me while I sobbed on her. And one day, it did pass. (Which also made me cry!!!)

If I have one piece of advice to any new mum: keep your career going. Whatever you do, however you manage. Stopping work only makes the drudgery worse & respect.

Carrying on working 3 days a week has saved my mental health. Even on the nights where DS was still waking up, I was far better as a worker the next day than I would have been doing 10 hours of child-wrangling!