To be offended by DH gagging at my breast milk?!

[boobinandgroovin]

1 week old was feeding and some milk was running out the sides of his mouth, he looked totally milk drunk and cute and I said aww, so my husband looked over and gagged when he saw the milk. I asked what that was about and he just said it's so weird that that's come from you

Last night baby pulled off the breast and my let down was squirting everywhere and I had nothing to grab no muslin so I just grabbed the only thing I had which was a glass and let it go in there. I went to tip it down the sink and he started dry heaving and saying no why is your milk in there.

I told him today I find it quite hurtful and he said that he doesn't mean anything by it and is fully supportive of me breastfeeding but it just makes him gag. There's going to be milk dribble and leaks and milky sicks I don't need him gagging all the time and making me feel disgusting just for feeding my child. He's saying I'm over reacting and it's just a reaction he can't control. AIBU?!

[GoldDuster]

Gag, not gave.

[GoldDuster]

Humans don't gag at things they feel neutral towards, or like.

It sa reaction of disgust, so whether he's doing it on purpose or it's for a "medical reason" it belies his underlying feelings and OP quite rightly feels that his claims of support aren't genuine.

[tillylula]

Squirt the milk at him and while you're feeding get him to do housework cause if he's not mature enough to be around your baby HE HELPED YOU MAKE while baby feeds, then he will have to make up for it doing big boy jobs in the house. What a knob.

[LaBellina]

@Plumbear2

Read it again. He is not shaming her. She asked why he was gagging and he answered her honestly.

Except he IS shaming her. Maybe you should read it again and then with keeping some standards on how a breastfeeding mum should be treated by her partner, in mind.

[LaBellina]

@Plumbear2

So if this is the case is the woman also mentally 10 due to not taking his case seriously? Because it certainly seems that way to me.like I said double standards.

Ah yes the poor menz

[Pineapple9210]

His reaction is definitely immature and unkind so he is in the wrong there. He may rightly or wrongly find breastmilk gross but he should at least be an adult about it.

Those of you suggesting squirting breastmilk in his face or putting it in his tea - I truly hope you're joking because that is magnitudes worse than him gagging, it's bordering on assault.

[Devoutspoken]

I bet he thinks his sperm is amazing

[RedHelenB]

He'll get used to it, it's only been a week. No big deal and no reflection on you.

[dollymixtured]

@GoldDuster

@Plumbear2

You're not getting it. You gave at raw egg because... You appreciate it? It makes you feel good? You appreciate it's nutritional qualities?

Probably not. More likely because it makes you feel sick, due to a belief you have about raw egg.

Same with the OPs DH. He believes that breast milk is disgusting for some reason, hence the gagging.

Clearer?

You clearly have no understanding of how gag reflexes work!

[StarsSand]

@Devoutspoken

I bet he thinks his sperm is amazing

😂

Please gag at the idea of his sperm from now on.

Avoid his penis at all costs.

[Plumbear2]

@LaBellina

Except he IS shaming her. Maybe you should read it again and then with keeping some standards on how a breastfeeding mum should be treated by her partner, in mind.

I have breast fed, I know how important the support is. The op admitted her husband supports her breastfeeding. She is not giving her husband the same support.

[Plumbear2]

@LaBellina

Ah yes the poor menz

I certainly hope you don't have boys.

[LaBellina]

@Plumbear2

I certainly hope you don't have boys.

And I certainly hope you don’t have children at all

[LaBellina]

@Plumbear2

I have breast fed, I know how important the support is. The op admitted her husband supports her breastfeeding. She is not giving her husband the same support.

The husband needs support breastfeeding?

😂

[GoldDuster]

@dollymixtured I understand what a gag reflex is perfectly well. It's either a physiological response to stimulation of the tonsil area or the base of the tongue, or it's a psychological reaction to something believed to be disgusting, or a simulation thereof for effecrt, in which case he is being even more pathetic.

If OP's husband was in a job interview and for some reason he gagged at, let's say, pierced ears, would he be making retching noises and gagging over the desk at the interviewer who had pierced ears? No, he would control himself, because he isn't a ten year old boy in a PSHE lesson learning about bodies for the first time.

It's pathetic.

[GoldDuster]

@Plumbear2

I certainly hope you don't have boys.

@Plumbear2 If you're sending them out into the world believing that they deserve support from their woman who's just given birth and is a week into establishing breastfeeding, because it makes their tummy feel a little bit icky, then you're doing them a massive disservice, and their partner will be on here in future moaning that their DP is a pathetic useless drip.

And before you ask, I have boys, with knowledge of and respect for the female body, not thinly veiled ignorance and disgust.

[LaBellina]

@GoldDuster

@Plumbear2 If you're sending them out into the world believing that they deserve support from their woman who's just given birth and is a week into establishing breastfeeding, because it makes their tummy feel a little bit icky, then you're doing them a massive disservice, and their partner will be on here in future moaning that their DP is a pathetic useless drip.

And before you ask, I have boys, with knowledge of and respect for the female body, not thinly veiled ignorance and disgust.

Yup, I won’t be raising my son into becoming a misogynist and I’m proud of that!

[Everanewbie]

Hi OP. I must admit that my first reaction here is ffs, what a pathetic man, and at a time where you need support, patience, love and reassurance.

On more reflection I think this really depends though on what we're talking about, i.e. effecting it and basically being an 8 year old saying something natural, even sacred is "gross" or does he genuinely have a genuine visceral irrational repulsion and vomit reflex as a poster previously mentioned about something as innocuous as bananas. If it is the former I think he needs a serious chat about supporting you and that breast milk will be around, leaking, regurgitated and maybe sitting next to the ham in the fridge. It will be a part of life for several months if not years and you need a man with you, not an 8 year old boy.

If its the latter, its all very well making points about semen etc, I'm not sure that is helpful, but in the real world you need him to be functioning man, so it will need addressing. Phobias and revulsion aren't rational by definition, so maybe he needs to do some reading and research.

Maybe find a way of meeting with your breast feeding specialist at the hospital if you have one. Sitting in front of a professional will likely root out whether he is genuine or has a phobia, but in any case, it will get him used to it in an environment that will be a lot less permissive of his behaviour.

[Plumbear2]

@LaBellina

Yup, I won’t be raising my son into becoming a misogynist and I’m proud of that!

I won't be either. But he will also know that he is also worthy of being supported with something he finds difficult. In this case his involuntary gag reflex. The man says he supports his wife with breastfeeding, but that's obviously not enough for some people.

[GoldDuster]

@Plumbear2 Could you say a little bit more about this involuntary gag reflex you feel he needs support with from OP?

Could you speculate on why it might be happening?

[GoldDuster]

I'll take it one step further for you, because it doesn't end at the retching in the kitchen.

I'm sure you know all about this @Plumbear2 , a gag reflex is designed to prevent humans from consuming something unpleasant. It's either physical, or can be mental, at the thought of something unpleasant or disgusting.

The gagging is happening because of a belief that the OP's DH holds about breastfeeding/breastmilk. OP is then rightly getting a clear signal that he finds it disgusting, distasteful, repulsive.

Does that make a bit more sense?

[Plumbear2]

@GoldDuster

@Plumbear2 Could you say a little bit more about this involuntary gag reflex you feel he needs support with from OP?

Could you speculate on why it might be happening?

I suffer from the same reflex, as does one of my kids. Op is offended by something he cannot control. He is already supporting his wife. She should do the same, he isn't being delibrately offensive.

[Plumbear2]

@GoldDuster

I'll take it one step further for you, because it doesn't end at the retching in the kitchen.

I'm sure you know all about this @Plumbear2 , a gag reflex is designed to prevent humans from consuming something unpleasant. It's either physical, or can be mental, at the thought of something unpleasant or disgusting.

The gagging is happening because of a belief that the OP's DH holds about breastfeeding/breastmilk. OP is then rightly getting a clear signal that he finds it disgusting, distasteful, repulsive.

Does that make a bit more sense?

Yes we can all Google this information. Living with it is very different. Example, I love crab but the sight makes me gag. Pouring juice in a glass makes my son gag but he likes the taste. Now does that make sense 🙄

[GoldDuster]

What's the reason for the involuntary gagging in your house @Plumbear2

Do you gag at things that you feel good about? Is it just random?

Or is it things that make you feel a bit sick? Like everyone else. The point is not the gagging, it's what it signifies his attitude is towards the subject matter, which happens to be her breastfeeding their baby.

[coralgeo]

@Plumbear2

I won't be either. But he will also know that he is also worthy of being supported with something he finds difficult. In this case his involuntary gag reflex. The man says he supports his wife with breastfeeding, but that's obviously not enough for some people.

The OP has just had a baby but it's the poor man who needs support because BFing makes him gag?

I've heard it all now.