To be offended by DH gagging at my breast milk?!

[boobinandgroovin]

1 week old was feeding and some milk was running out the sides of his mouth, he looked totally milk drunk and cute and I said aww, so my husband looked over and gagged when he saw the milk. I asked what that was about and he just said it's so weird that that's come from you

Last night baby pulled off the breast and my let down was squirting everywhere and I had nothing to grab no muslin so I just grabbed the only thing I had which was a glass and let it go in there. I went to tip it down the sink and he started dry heaving and saying no why is your milk in there.

I told him today I find it quite hurtful and he said that he doesn't mean anything by it and is fully supportive of me breastfeeding but it just makes him gag. There's going to be milk dribble and leaks and milky sicks I don't need him gagging all the time and making me feel disgusting just for feeding my child. He's saying I'm over reacting and it's just a reaction he can't control. AIBU?!

[ShakespearesBlister]

@Twilight7777

Pretty sure gagging is a reflex, in other words he cannot help it. I have this reaction if I see someone vomit, I literally can’t help it.

Well that's what I always thought but today I learned that having a gag reflex means you're mysogynistic. Who knew?

[FurAndFeathers]

@WiddlinDiddlin

Why the assumption that he is doing it on purpose to be childish?

Some people have a really strong gag reaction and the things that trigger it are beyond their control.

I might gag, it would be no reflection on you whatsoever - children with snotty noses, vom, food smeared round their faces or dribbling it out, dribble... makes me gag. (As does a whole other range of things far too long to mention.)

If I can't get the trigger out of my line of sight AND out of my mind, the retch will get harder and harder until I actually throw up or, these days, piss myself. Even people talking about such things can trigger it sometimes!

I'd LOVE not to do it, its fucking embarrassing, its bloody inconvenient and thats without smartarse comments from ignorant people about putting it on, taking the piss, being immature etc!

I've been like this all my life, it's never really improved and I really HAVE tried.

Because he’s told the OP he thinks it’s weird and criticised her for emptying breast milk in the sink.

he’s being verbally unsupportive in association with the gagging drama.

why are you ignoring that in an effort to defend his unpleasant behaviour to the OP?

[MourningTea]

Say you understand it's new and strange for him to see you feeding a baby, but you'd appreciate him keeping his thoughts to himself from now on.

That would drive me bonkers, my breasts leaked like a firehouse though so milk was dripping everywhere constantly. 😂

[SliceOfCakeCupOfTea]

See snot and pus make me gag (even typing that out gave me a weird shuddery feeling). I'm incredibly sensitive to it. Nothing else. I've cleaned up human shits when I worked in a bar and have been vomited on by alcohol and drug fuelled students. Not nice obviously but can handle those. Can't handle the other two at all.

Can't hide it either. The retching is painful, embarrassing, stomach churning and makes me feel shit that I'm retching at my own child sometimes. I try so hard to control it and sometimes I can, but if I'm caught in a moment of weakness i can't.

OP if your husband genuinely can't cope with seeing it and it's really, really hurting you, then all I could suggest would be either leaving the relationship or spending time with him to help him work through it (tbf, he can't really do this without you since he lacks his own pair of lactating breasts). It's really shit and I'm so sorry it's making you feel disgusting. You're not. It is his problem. But if it's genuine then at least it's not being done to make you feel that way on purpose.

[Goodread1]

Your man child husband is starting to give me ick



Gagging reflux problem right now Twat head

[ReneBumsWombats]

Well, I guess he can't help being an immature twit but he can help showing it. It wasn't cute when Ross Geller did it and it's not cute now.

If he can't handle a baby feeding, he can look at something else.

[FurAndFeathers]

@ShakespearesBlister

Well that's what I always thought but today I learned that having a gag reflex means you're mysogynistic. Who knew?

can you point out where that was said please @ShakespearesBlister ?

hint. It wasn’t.
why make things up?

[hiyaKen]

Bodily fluids can be icky

But I wouldn't gag over it

[housemaus]

I've got a mega sensitive gag reflex - literally thinking about certain things (particularly bodily fluids and food related) will make me gag. So he's NBU that it makes him gag - the sight of anyone having any kind of milk running out of their mouth would make me do the same unfortunately (soz to those who think that makes me dramatic, I can't help it and it's very inconvenient!).

But he IS being unreasonable to not try and do that discreetly/to be carrying on about it. It's his problem: what you're doing isn't gross, it's normal, and he should be keeping it to himself if it makes him gag because you're keeping a small human alive.

[EarthSight]

I think part of what's making him gag is that he's so used to seeing you in a sexual way, that this is such a visceral opposite to that. He'll probably get over it slowly. I don't agree that shoving it in his face or doing similar is the right thing to do. That is twaty and mean.

[Sunriseinwonderland]

I had to stop my first husband from doing any care for DS as he'd gag and carry on about how disgusting his nappy was until DS cried. We left him a year later. I didnt want DS affected or made to feel dirty or disgusting.
Some men need to grow up and stop being so bloody pathetic. Im not mad on poo but if I didnt do it who would? You expect help with that from another adult not this pathetic behaviour.

[Sallyh87]

if he is doing it as a reflex then I feel for him a bit. I have a pretty strong gag reflex for alot of things. Such as the smell of bananas, certain noises, a texture I wasn’t expecting, anything I’m even slightly grossed out by. I can’t really help it. If he is doing it on purpose then he is being really immature.

[JupiterFortified]

@ShakespearesBlister

Well that's what I always thought but today I learned that having a gag reflex means you're mysogynistic. Who knew?

🤣 well said

[WiddlinDiddlin]

He's said a couple of not brilliantly tactful things... in the face of being accused of taking the piss, making her feel gross, being a baby etc etc..

Maybe he had no idea he'd find these things triggered him, some people (as mentioned in this thread) are only triggered to gag in very specific contexts.

It doesn't always lead to throwing up either, you can't categorically state that someone is taking the piss because they repeatedly gag but don't spew - I only spew if it goes on so long and I can't get away from it. In fact these days I can only throw up if I am leaning forward or lying down so something could trigger me into uncontrollable, painful retching spasms and I wouldn't be able to throw up!

I have been accused of taking the piss, being immature, doing it for laughs (I mean tears rolling down my face, broken blood vessels in my eyes and leaking urine I am gagging so hard sure sign that I think its fucking funny, yeah) - no I probably wouldn't be able to clearly and tactfully explain why I am gagging and why my brain and body are being a total twat, in a brand new situation I hadn't forseen!

[Highlyflavouredgravy]

It's been a week! You both need time to get used to everything.
In a month it will seem like second nature to you both.

[madamovaries]

I think he's being pathetic.
Is he always squeamish? It's about the least attractive trait in a partner - I had a boyfriend who was very squeamish about menstrual blood and it is one reason he's an ex!
You're doing an amazing thing to be breastfeeding your baby. I, for one, applaud you. It's the most natural thing in the world (and far more natural, when you really think about it, than eating cows' milk)

XX

[dollymixtured]

Other people's bodily fluids are generally pretty gross and as lots of pp have said some people just have very sensitive gag reflexes. All this is banging on about misogyny and how he can't handle seeing your breasts in a non sexual way is a massive over reaction. Some people don't think dribbling is cute it hardly makes him an awful person.

[JupiterFortified]

@FurAndFeathers

can you point out where that was said please @ShakespearesBlister ?

hint. It wasn’t.
why make things up?

@ShakespearesBlister there is a comment on the first page of comments where someone calls it misogynistic. It’s definitely there.

[JupiterFortified]

@JupiterFortified

@ShakespearesBlister there is a comment on the first page of comments where someone calls it misogynistic. It’s definitely there.

Whoops sorry that was meant for @FurAndFeathers

[Shesasuperfreak]

I think its a fake gag.

[Notsurenotquiteright]

Show him milk leaking from a cows teat and see if it gets the same reaction.
very immature

[IWineAndDontDine]

Sorry but he can't help gagging and it's unfair to blame him for something he can't help. I'm still breastfeeding my 2yo and baby and when I see breastmilk in the fridge cold it makes me gag

[Helena1993]

You guys will be fine. Don't take it personally

[ShakespearesBlister]

@FurAndFeathers

can you point out where that was said please @ShakespearesBlister ?

hint. It wasn’t.
why make things up?

Certainly, here you go dear xx

[NeedSomeSpace]

Even if he does have some super sensitive gag reflex, he doesn't have to be so rude. There's plenty of ways for him to approach this with you whilst being supportive and less about the drama.