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AIBU?

To be offended by DH gagging at my breast milk?!

253 replies

boobinandgroovin · 05/02/2023 18:58

1 week old was feeding and some milk was running out the sides of his mouth, he looked totally milk drunk and cute and I said aww, so my husband looked over and gagged when he saw the milk. I asked what that was about and he just said it's so weird that that's come from you

Last night baby pulled off the breast and my let down was squirting everywhere and I had nothing to grab no muslin so I just grabbed the only thing I had which was a glass and let it go in there. I went to tip it down the sink and he started dry heaving and saying no why is your milk in there.

I told him today I find it quite hurtful and he said that he doesn't mean anything by it and is fully supportive of me breastfeeding but it just makes him gag. There's going to be milk dribble and leaks and milky sicks I don't need him gagging all the time and making me feel disgusting just for feeding my child. He's saying I'm over reacting and it's just a reaction he can't control. AIBU?!

OP posts:

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saleorbouy · 05/02/2023 20:05

If he struggles with innocuous breast milk I'd love to see his reaction to a poonami. He's going to have to man up a bit by the sound of it.

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OnceThereWereDragons · 05/02/2023 20:05

He doesn't have to love the dripping breast milk - my exDH used to find it a huge turn on and that really gave me the ick! - however, as he is a grown up, he can of course control his gagging and drama.
Tell him - I understand that you don't like this, but I am keeping our baby alive and your reactions are contributing to me feeling self conscious and disgusting. Please support me better. (you total man baby, attention seeking, self absorbed, drama queen 😉).

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WinnieFosterReads · 05/02/2023 20:07

Do you think he's pretending and doing it on purpose? Because if you do then yy that's an issue. But if he is genuinely gagging then what do you expect him to do about it?
Dh eats peanut butter. Even the smell of it makes me gag. It's not within my control.

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FurAndFeathers · 05/02/2023 20:10

WinnieFosterReads · 05/02/2023 20:07

Do you think he's pretending and doing it on purpose? Because if you do then yy that's an issue. But if he is genuinely gagging then what do you expect him to do about it?
Dh eats peanut butter. Even the smell of it makes me gag. It's not within my control.

Do you tell him he’s weird and make him feel disgusting about it too?
if not why not? Probably because you’re decent.

if not then it’s not really the same

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EmmaEmerald · 05/02/2023 20:12

OP how is he about changing nappies etc?

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ShakespearesBlister · 05/02/2023 20:12

Look I'm not defending him here but there are many things which make my OH gag. Raw egg will do it, or anything of that consistency. Our dog ate poo on a walk once and OH physically puked up when he saw what the dog had picked up.

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Twilight7777 · 05/02/2023 20:14

Pretty sure gagging is a reflex, in other words he cannot help it. I have this reaction if I see someone vomit, I literally can’t help it.

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LemonPledge555 · 05/02/2023 20:14

Sukisal · 05/02/2023 19:02

He is being daft, but if I’m honest, I never thought milk drunk was cute at all. I didn’t like the smell of breast milk or the dribbling.

he doesn’t need to be making a performance out of it, and the gagging is daft. But maybe don’t make a habit of getting him to look directly at the milk drunk thing?

Baby is a week old. She’s hardly making a habit of it?

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Namechanger355 · 05/02/2023 20:14

So he doesn’t gag at milk coming from the boob of a random cow?!

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PinkSyCo · 05/02/2023 20:15

I don’t understand it personally but if it makes him gag it makes him gag. 🤷🏻‍♀️

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Grizzledstrawberry · 05/02/2023 20:16

What a absolute child, and the audacity to act like that and happily drink the breast milk of another animal too!

He needs to grow up, your nourishing and caring for his child, its a beautiful experience breastfeeding, it can be a hard experience too he should be supporting you, please don't let him put you off if breastfeeding is what you want to do.

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Cuppasoupmonster · 05/02/2023 20:16

Namechanger355 · 05/02/2023 20:14

So he doesn’t gag at milk coming from the boob of a random cow?!

To be fair you don’t see it come from the udder, there’s a lot of mental separation there.

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xprincessxjanetx · 05/02/2023 20:16

Pathetic. I would have absolutely no tolerance for this bullshit.

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Curtainsorblinds · 05/02/2023 20:17

I’d probably leave my husband if he did this and my husband is actually vegan so doesn’t drink animal breast milk either, as your husband has no problem with drinking cows breastmilk I suggest he grow the fuck up or leave your house.

good luck with breastfeeding and well done for persevering even with such an insane reaction from your husband. Enjoy those milky cuddles and milk drunk faces ❤️

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Stardu · 05/02/2023 20:17

Does he eat cheese? Have leather shoes?

I think the way I’d deal with this would be to remove all animal products from the house and hide any leather shoes until he stops being so rude.

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Goodread1 · 05/02/2023 20:18

Tell him cows milk comes from cows udder teats so it's puts him off drinking milk and depriving cows milk from calf

See how he likes that,

For good measure show him a image of how cows 🐄 are milked

Works both ways, so he grows up
Hopefully it make him gag even more doing this

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FurAndFeathers · 05/02/2023 20:18

Interesting how many posters are totally ignoring his unkind words to the OP in their desperation to justify his dramatic and childish response

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phoenixrosehere · 05/02/2023 20:19

M08my · 05/02/2023 19:33

For people who are talking about gagging being involuntary, sorry I just don't agree that you can't try and hide it.

First of all, breastmilk isn't disgusting, it's a sacred nectar for sustaining a baby.

But even if it were, he's meant to love you.

Me and my DH went through a short phase when I had to help wash him while he was recovering from an accident (long story). There were moments when it was a bit gross and yeah, I just about gagged but tried not to let it show. He said something like, "sorry this must be disgusting for you" - did I say "well I can't help gagging it's a reflex"?! No, I said something like "of course not, I love you and you'd do the same for me if I needed it".

Conclusion, OP's DH is an immature waste of space and is being unsupportive of his very recently post partum wife. Even IF he's gagging uncontrollably, he should be hiding it better

Well said

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WiddlinDiddlin · 05/02/2023 20:19

Why the assumption that he is doing it on purpose to be childish?

Some people have a really strong gag reaction and the things that trigger it are beyond their control.

I might gag, it would be no reflection on you whatsoever - children with snotty noses, vom, food smeared round their faces or dribbling it out, dribble... makes me gag. (As does a whole other range of things far too long to mention.)

If I can't get the trigger out of my line of sight AND out of my mind, the retch will get harder and harder until I actually throw up or, these days, piss myself. Even people talking about such things can trigger it sometimes!

I'd LOVE not to do it, its fucking embarrassing, its bloody inconvenient and thats without smartarse comments from ignorant people about putting it on, taking the piss, being immature etc!

I've been like this all my life, it's never really improved and I really HAVE tried.

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mrsDracoMalfoy · 05/02/2023 20:22

He gagged because the milk dribbling out of your baby's mouth came from you... he knows how the baby was made right? Something came out of him and then someone came out of you 🤷🏽‍♀️

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Lifeomars · 05/02/2023 20:22

Was he there for you labour and delivery? how did he cope with the blood and guts of childbirth?

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ShakespearesBlister · 05/02/2023 20:22

WiddlinDiddlin · 05/02/2023 20:19

Why the assumption that he is doing it on purpose to be childish?

Some people have a really strong gag reaction and the things that trigger it are beyond their control.

I might gag, it would be no reflection on you whatsoever - children with snotty noses, vom, food smeared round their faces or dribbling it out, dribble... makes me gag. (As does a whole other range of things far too long to mention.)

If I can't get the trigger out of my line of sight AND out of my mind, the retch will get harder and harder until I actually throw up or, these days, piss myself. Even people talking about such things can trigger it sometimes!

I'd LOVE not to do it, its fucking embarrassing, its bloody inconvenient and thats without smartarse comments from ignorant people about putting it on, taking the piss, being immature etc!

I've been like this all my life, it's never really improved and I really HAVE tried.

It's like they all think a bodily reflex is a personal insult or something.

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Helena1993 · 05/02/2023 20:23

Sooo he does know that breasts are for feeding babies and not just to turn him on?

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ShakespearesBlister · 05/02/2023 20:23

phoenixrosehere · 05/02/2023 20:19

Well said

Show quote history

You've obviously never met my OH.

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OneTC · 05/02/2023 20:25

WiddlinDiddlin · 05/02/2023 20:19

Why the assumption that he is doing it on purpose to be childish?

Some people have a really strong gag reaction and the things that trigger it are beyond their control.

I might gag, it would be no reflection on you whatsoever - children with snotty noses, vom, food smeared round their faces or dribbling it out, dribble... makes me gag. (As does a whole other range of things far too long to mention.)

If I can't get the trigger out of my line of sight AND out of my mind, the retch will get harder and harder until I actually throw up or, these days, piss myself. Even people talking about such things can trigger it sometimes!

I'd LOVE not to do it, its fucking embarrassing, its bloody inconvenient and thats without smartarse comments from ignorant people about putting it on, taking the piss, being immature etc!

I've been like this all my life, it's never really improved and I really HAVE tried.

People with a really strong and genuine gag reflex progress quickly to heaving and puking, because that's what the gag reflex is triggering.

If you go huh huh huh when you encounter something gross but it never leads to the next part of the reflex then you're just a drama wanker. It's a very common way to be

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