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AIBU?

To be offended by DH gagging at my breast milk?!

253 replies

boobinandgroovin · 05/02/2023 18:58

1 week old was feeding and some milk was running out the sides of his mouth, he looked totally milk drunk and cute and I said aww, so my husband looked over and gagged when he saw the milk. I asked what that was about and he just said it's so weird that that's come from you

Last night baby pulled off the breast and my let down was squirting everywhere and I had nothing to grab no muslin so I just grabbed the only thing I had which was a glass and let it go in there. I went to tip it down the sink and he started dry heaving and saying no why is your milk in there.

I told him today I find it quite hurtful and he said that he doesn't mean anything by it and is fully supportive of me breastfeeding but it just makes him gag. There's going to be milk dribble and leaks and milky sicks I don't need him gagging all the time and making me feel disgusting just for feeding my child. He's saying I'm over reacting and it's just a reaction he can't control. AIBU?!

OP posts:

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FurAndFeathers · 05/02/2023 19:24

Well he’s not supportive of your feeding is he? If he was he’d control his reaction. He is literally being unsupportive and derogatory. Gaslighting you into trying to accept this unpleasant behaviour as ‘support’ because he says it is, is unacceptable

Why does he think human breast milk is weird? I assume he drinks cow breast milk?
surely it’s weirder to drink the breast milk of another species?

I suppose he thinks periods are grim too along with any other female biology?

I suspect he’s just immature and a bit thick, with a dash of misogyny thrown in
what a prize.

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CandyLeBonBon · 05/02/2023 19:24

What an odd response

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Problemorno · 05/02/2023 19:24

I mean, he can't really help what makes him gag as it's an involuntary reflex. But breastmilk is an odd thing to gag at, especially as I presume he drinks cows milk?

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vitahelp · 05/02/2023 19:25

At first I thought you meant he was putting it on and doing it deliberately, like feigning a gagging sound etc. Now you’ve said it’s an involuntary thing I’m not so sure he is a complete prick. I breastfed for 18 months and must admit DH was a bit freaked out by it initially (as he is about most things relating to the human body!!) but he got used to it.
I get why you would find it hurtful and feel upset with him though.

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Scottishskifun · 05/02/2023 19:26

He's being ridiculous!
Tell him to stop being a child! I've hit my husband in the face before with my breastmilk when DS1 decided a impromptu look around (I had a very forceful let down) all he did was wipe his face and laugh!

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Ghostbuster2639 · 05/02/2023 19:27

How pathetic. Yet he’s comfortable drinking cows breast milk.

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BewareTheBeardedDragon · 05/02/2023 19:27

What a fucking twat.

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Sittingonabench · 05/02/2023 19:28

I don’t think he is being unreasonable if it is an involuntary reflex - what do you want him to do? There are many perfectly natural things that make people gag particularly bodily fluids. I do understand why you’re offended by it but I also don’t think you can hold it against him. Does he do his best to avoid being around?

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MissMaple82 · 05/02/2023 19:29

Twizbe · 05/02/2023 19:03

If he's supportive of your breastfeeding you need to tell him to stop. What he's doing now is not supportive at all.

But maybe he can't stop!? Some people do gag. I gag when I see wee in a toilet, I can't help it, it literally is a reflex. Just because you don't understand something doesn't make it silly or stupid. I doubt very much he's doing it just to be a dick. He probably can't help it.

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rwalker · 05/02/2023 19:29

Depends if it’s fake or involuntary

can’t explain it but someone cleaning there teeth can make me physically sick so it can be involuntary

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Stravaig · 05/02/2023 19:29

I'd go into brutally logical I completely understand mode.

'The milk is produced as part of pregnancy to feed the baby we created by having sex. Of course gagging is a reflex, you absolutely can't help it, and we simply cannot have you being made to feel ill against your will, therefore we shouldn't have sex ever again.'

I have a feeling he won't be visibly bothered by your breast milk any more.

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Octopusmittens · 05/02/2023 19:30

He needs to grow up quickly

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HiddenGiraffes · 05/02/2023 19:31

Has he been changing nappies or is that too much for his delicate constitution too?

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Beetlewings · 05/02/2023 19:32

Congrats you now have two babies

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M08my · 05/02/2023 19:33

For people who are talking about gagging being involuntary, sorry I just don't agree that you can't try and hide it.

First of all, breastmilk isn't disgusting, it's a sacred nectar for sustaining a baby.

But even if it were, he's meant to love you.

Me and my DH went through a short phase when I had to help wash him while he was recovering from an accident (long story). There were moments when it was a bit gross and yeah, I just about gagged but tried not to let it show. He said something like, "sorry this must be disgusting for you" - did I say "well I can't help gagging it's a reflex"?! No, I said something like "of course not, I love you and you'd do the same for me if I needed it".

Conclusion, OP's DH is an immature waste of space and is being unsupportive of his very recently post partum wife. Even IF he's gagging uncontrollably, he should be hiding it better

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SouperNoodle · 05/02/2023 19:33

I don't understand the hostility in the comments.
As annoying as it may be, gagging/retching is involuntary so he's not exactly doing it on purpose. He's already told you that he fully supports you BFing.
It's only been a week! I'm sure after a few months the poor guy won't even blink when he sees breast milk squirting across the room 😂

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PollyAmour · 05/02/2023 19:33

Your DH is a pathetic man baby who can't accept his wife produces milk to feed their child. I would be having stern words with him and tell him to grow the fuck up.

I don't think this is a hairy handed perv, not this time.

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MissMaple82 · 05/02/2023 19:34

boobinandgroovin · 05/02/2023 19:11

Yes he drinks cows milk no problem! And yes he's saying it's a reflex and is involuntary as if that makes it absolutely fine, but it just makes me feel like I'm doing something gross when I'm quite literally doing the most natural thing in the world

If it makes you feel like that, that's your issue. you're letting it effect you negatively. Obviously it's a problem for him, but you feeling disgusting is down to you. There's nothing to feel disgusting about.

I suspect this is going to be a thread of women lynch mobbing the man because he happens to have a squimish sensitivity to breast milk

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FurAndFeathers · 05/02/2023 19:34

MissMaple82 · 05/02/2023 19:29

But maybe he can't stop!? Some people do gag. I gag when I see wee in a toilet, I can't help it, it literally is a reflex. Just because you don't understand something doesn't make it silly or stupid. I doubt very much he's doing it just to be a dick. He probably can't help it.

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Then he needs to seek professional help because gagging at his wife and child is unacceptable

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Choconut · 05/02/2023 19:37

What an arse, he needs to get over himself.

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Awakeallnight · 05/02/2023 19:37

CowSnail · 05/02/2023 19:21

A genuine gag is a reflex - that’s not his fault, although it is an odd and extreme reaction. A pretend or exaggerated gag, along with his words are not acceptable.

Not sure why people are suggesting you compare it to semen. What a horrendously dim idea. Firstly, how does OP equating breast milk to semen work against the message that breasts are solely sexual? It doesn’t - it does the opposite. Also, I was definitely gag at someone spunking into a glass or spunk dribbling out of someone’s mouth - so, it doesn’t even prove the point you’re attempting to make, it does the opposite.

True - I have a gag reflex to awful smells or awful sights - e.g vomit or seeing someone vomit. I genuinely can't help it.

The thing is when you start gagging like that, there is a very real risk that the contents of your stomach are about to be all over the floor - so you run to a bathroom/put as much distance between you and the thing causing you to gag.

I recognise how pathetic I look when it comes over me. But I think the way to tell if it's genuine or not is how fast someone is moving towards a toilet.

If your husband wasn't backing out the room at lightening speed, I'd argue it's not a true gag reflex attack.

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Justalittlebitduckling · 05/02/2023 19:37

Get pumping and get him feeding the baby bottles asap if you possibly can. He needs to get over it.

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Eyerollcentral · 05/02/2023 19:38

MissMaple82 · 05/02/2023 19:34

If it makes you feel like that, that's your issue. you're letting it effect you negatively. Obviously it's a problem for him, but you feeling disgusting is down to you. There's nothing to feel disgusting about.

I suspect this is going to be a thread of women lynch mobbing the man because he happens to have a squimish sensitivity to breast milk

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Its not just the gagging is it though? It’s his comments. This is the OP’s first baby. She is working hard to establish breast feeding and needs support, not to feel repulsive. If he genuinely cannot control the gagging/retching (which I do not believe for one moment) leave the room discreetly if it is a genuine reflex response and not just childish attention seeking.

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AbsoluteYawns · 05/02/2023 19:38

He's a fucking idiot. HTH

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Sausagemogg · 05/02/2023 19:40

I had a BFing aversion and although I did push on through I'd feel physically sick at the sight and often just the thought of it. There's zero need for him to vocalise it though, he sounds very immature.

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