Upset my NCT group

[Wellybobs0]

Name change so outing and I know they occasionally come on here

group of 6 mums on a group chat, we all did nct together but only a few have continued to meet up due to work commitments etc. Our toddlers are now 17 months, and my little girl has only been walking since 15 months. I posted on the what’s app if anyone else’s child is struggling to walk in wellies as it’s so muddy but she just falls over.

A few replied. A few days later one of them messaged to say they think I’d been insensitive considering one of the children in the group had recently been a paediatrician due to delayed milestones (not walking at 17 months and not cruising apparently)

Apparently the mum is really upset with me for being insensitive. I didn’t even know!

AIBU to think this is so silly and petty? We only chat on their now and again about random things really, we never share personal info

Just message the mum and say sorry you didn't know. No big deal surely?

Nobody else's child is allowed to walk? Sounds odd that she's offended. Unless you phrased it clumsily I can't see why she'd be upset. But nct groups are always falling out with each other

@RedHelenB well no, not necessarily a big deal but I don’t think my comment about wellies was a big deal either to have 2 frosty messages?

its not silly and petty, these things are incredibly sensitive- especially with a first child. Did you know about these circumstances? If not just message and apologise, it’s not your fault. . If you did know, you have been a right a-hole.

@Tandora I’ve put in my original post I didn’t know anything about the delay I haven’t seen them since her son was 7 months old

It’s not silly or petty. Just apologise to the mum in question to say you had no idea and wouldn’t have said that otherwise. It’s not your fault or hers, we all know how difficult it is.

It clearly says in the OP she didn’t know!

If you you knew then you were in the wrong.

If you didn't know, apologise for the sake of politeness.

Milestones are a huge deal with first babies. It can be really hard to not worry if your baby is the one not doing what the others are. Ultimately though, that's not your fault.

I've binned off all but 2 of mine now for similar reasons - kids are now 4. I highly recommend exiting stage left and just speaking to the ones you want to keep in touch with.

Reading comprehension not your strong point?

Oh jeez, she said quite clearly she didn’t know 🙄

Where does it say that clearly? It wasn’t clear to me, just says the only message occasionally about personal things and don’t meet up that often.

I'd message her separately and say you're sorry, this was obviously not malicious or intentional to upset her in any way. I'd imagine she's feeling sensitive now because of her own DC's circumstances, but that's not your fault. I don't think your message was wrong btw, I just think you've accidentally put your foot in it a bit timing wise, it may have been misunderstood, that's all. I wouldn't message the whole group about it, there's bound to be some unnecessary drama.

I find these mum groups can be a minefield sometimes, I stick to super safe topics tbh and talk in person openly with mums I'm close with instead. In some of my groups there are mums who are struggling with something or whose children have some difficulties and it's clear for the rest to see. Some respond to a gentle approach checking in on them, some don't, and some are being shitty about it (which is also clear for the rest to see). I think it's challenging for no reason sometimes, if they were more open we'd all rally to help if needed, but sometimes people don't want the help and prefer to be difficult, it is what it is. xx

its not silly and petty,

It's extraordinarily silly and petty. Even if the OP knew, the mum is going to have to learn to cope with innocuous questions related to children walking.

I didn’t know about the developmental delay, it’s a very casual group and we don’t share many personal things. I only ever meet up with 2 others and they don’t see her either, and they also didn’t know!

I'm sorry but I don't even think OP did anything wrong here! @Wellybobs0
You can avoid any talk about walking cos one child isn't yet. I can't see anything insensitive about what OP put and I don't think there's a need to apologise for what she put

MN comprehension at its finest again, I see.

Apparently the mum is really upset with me for being insensitive. I didn’t even know

I’d just be gracious about it and say how awful for you, so sorry, blah blah.

I accidentally pressed yabu. You haven't done or said anything wrong.

You didn't know, but even if you did I don't think you did anything wrong. Unless you said it in such a way that she thought you were having a dig.
Essentially she's saying no one else can ask about their child regarding walking or milestones in case it offends her which is ridiculous.

Don’t you apologise, that’s ridiculously over sensitive.

The Op says "I didn't even know!"

The reason to apologise is it’s touched a sensitive subject that hurt her NCT friend who is currently going through something difficult. It’s not her fault, but she can still be kind.

Bloody hell if I'd got upset about people talking about sitting/walking I'd have been upset for months! Mine didn't sit till she was 10 months!

Seriously just ignore them.
even if you did know, so what?
can you not mention reading if you find some of them are dyslexic or never mention eating if some have allergies or struggle with food.
seriously people just need to get over themselves.