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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset my NCT group

298 replies

Wellybobs0 · 05/02/2023 17:38

Name change so outing and I know they occasionally come on here

group of 6 mums on a group chat, we all did nct together but only a few have continued to meet up due to work commitments etc. Our toddlers are now 17 months, and my little girl has only been walking since 15 months. I posted on the what’s app if anyone else’s child is struggling to walk in wellies as it’s so muddy but she just falls over.

A few replied. A few days later one of them messaged to say they think I’d been insensitive considering one of the children in the group had recently been a paediatrician due to delayed milestones (not walking at 17 months and not cruising apparently)

Apparently the mum is really upset with me for being insensitive. I didn’t even know!

AIBU to think this is so silly and petty? We only chat on their now and again about random things really, we never share personal info

OP posts:
Whatmarbles · 05/02/2023 18:54

I'd cut loose from the group. NCT seems to attract all kinds of weird 🥴

Johnnysgirl · 05/02/2023 18:56

It's quite odd for her to be devastated that you spoke about your toddler walking, even if you did know, tbh.

She knows the other kids of similar ages are walking whether she acknowledges it or not. I can see it must privately sting, but to put an embargo on this stuff on a group chat is ridiculous.

Anon300 · 05/02/2023 18:56

I'd bin them off. Having to watch what you say all the time would get on my nerves.

corcaithecat · 05/02/2023 18:57

They sound completely nuts, which isn’t uncommon with certain new mums and their PFB’s, to be fair. The good news is that within a couple of years, the majority of these ladies will realise how daft they were being and turn into nice normal mums. 😂

I’d mute the group for now and only keep in touch with the mum’s I actually get on well with.

Americano75 · 05/02/2023 18:58

Oh, for the love of God, how ridiculous. I would not be apologising, that kind of reaction should not be validated.

eighteenthirteen1 · 05/02/2023 19:01

Not sure why the offended mum sent her minions in to deal with the (non) issue anyway

WonderingWanda · 05/02/2023 19:01

Honestly you did nothing wrong even if you knew her child had a developmental delay. You asked a perfectly reasonable question. The parent of the child with a possible developmental delay might be struggling with it but how is pretending that the rest of your children aren't walking going to help?

Willyoujustbequiet · 05/02/2023 19:06

17 months isn't even that unusual at all so perhaps she is oversensitive in general.

AtrociousCircumstance · 05/02/2023 19:09

You don’t need this shit in your life OP.

FurAndFeathers · 05/02/2023 19:09

Tandora · 05/02/2023 17:52

I read that as she “didn’t know” this mum was upset, as it follows the statement “apparently the mum is upset with me for being insensitive”. Definitely wasn’t clear , warranted clarification.

Show quote history

If she didn’t know the mum was upset then why on earth would she be posting about it on mumsnet? That makes no sense.
the OP is clear

AllOutofEverything · 05/02/2023 19:14

I could not be bothered about this level of over sensitivity.

AllOutofEverything · 05/02/2023 19:15

Anon300 · 05/02/2023 18:56

I'd bin them off. Having to watch what you say all the time would get on my nerves.

This is my view.

drpet49 · 05/02/2023 19:22

Johnnysgirl · 05/02/2023 18:56

It's quite odd for her to be devastated that you spoke about your toddler walking, even if you did know, tbh.

She knows the other kids of similar ages are walking whether she acknowledges it or not. I can see it must privately sting, but to put an embargo on this stuff on a group chat is ridiculous.

I agree. The other mum is being ridiculous

Sososocold · 05/02/2023 19:22

IME NCT attract some batshit people. My NCT group had 2 batshit members who just created drama. My work colleagues group had a batshit member, my best friends group had 3 batshit members, a friend I made at playgroup also had batshit members in their NCT group. I left my group after 14 months as it became a borefest of the 2 batshit members constantly have drama and taking offense at stuff. Still in contact with 2 of the normal ladies.

Sososocold · 05/02/2023 19:23

Sorry, posted too soon. Ignore, leave the group and keep in contact with the people you've got regular contact with. Sack the others off. You did nothing wrong.

BrightSaturn · 05/02/2023 19:25

Even if she did know I don’t think she wasn’t in the wrong for asking that question really. It’s not an insensitive question to ask about wellies.

LemonSwan · 05/02/2023 19:25

Doesn’t sound a very supportive group. Would leave it tbh.

BasilPersil · 05/02/2023 19:26

DD didn't walk until she was 2 and I would not have been remotely bothered by this. Are you supposed to keep a running tally of all the other kids' milestones? Goodness me.

Deathbyfluffy · 05/02/2023 19:27

Tandora · 05/02/2023 17:47

Where does it say that clearly? It wasn’t clear to me, just says the only message occasionally about personal things and don’t meet up that often.

Show quote history

it literally says in the opening post, and I quote, ‘I didn’t even know’
How much more clear do you want it without it being in 70 foot tall letters?

HeyManIJustWantSomeMuesli · 05/02/2023 19:27

This is bonkers.
Maybe if you, the offended-mum and and just one other mum were in the group AND you knew about the delay then your question may have been a little bit insensitive but in the circumstances you describe you did absolutely nothing wrong, I can’t believe anyone thinks you did.

Busybody2022 · 05/02/2023 19:28

Donr apologise, you did nothing wrong. Mum will undortuantly need to learn how to manage her feelings. As a mum of two with additional needs she will drive herself crazy and needs to learn coping mechanisms

queenrollo · 05/02/2023 19:28

My child was born with a disability that affected his mobility and we also couldn't join in with things like the babyswim my NCT lot all did together.
Yes, I was emotional about navigating a totally different motherhood experience to the rest of them but I never got upset at them sharing their own worries when we all met up.

You didn't do anything wrong.

Newwardrobe · 05/02/2023 19:32

Why are the other mums wading in ? Sounds like they're enjoying stirring the pot.

PatientlyWaiting21 · 05/02/2023 19:36

In the kindest possible way, both of them are twats.

jacult · 05/02/2023 19:42

Wellybobs0 · 05/02/2023 18:41

My husband has just pointed out that said mum posted a video of her son doing animal noises in our group chat a few weeks back, and I actually said to him, ohhh DD doesn’t do that. Didn’t even cross my mind to be upset with her and I’m half tempted to point this out! (I won’t)

Exactly, just point out that you’ve been very concerned that your son doesn’t make animal noises and you were also upset about that. Point out what the hospital doctor said to you about how to correct the unsaying of animal noises and the surgery/exercise they will need to do to correct it.

that was obviously a bit blasé, but you didn’t know what was going on with that child and it does sound quite serious. Just apologise to the parents in question, I’m sure they will be understanding and may not know what the other parents have said to you. They may have assumed the other parents had told you about the issue. But, not making animal noises isn’t really in the same scale. My friend’s child didn’t walk at 2 and turns out she has a brain tumour.