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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset my NCT group

298 replies

Wellybobs0 · 05/02/2023 17:38

Name change so outing and I know they occasionally come on here

group of 6 mums on a group chat, we all did nct together but only a few have continued to meet up due to work commitments etc. Our toddlers are now 17 months, and my little girl has only been walking since 15 months. I posted on the what’s app if anyone else’s child is struggling to walk in wellies as it’s so muddy but she just falls over.

A few replied. A few days later one of them messaged to say they think I’d been insensitive considering one of the children in the group had recently been a paediatrician due to delayed milestones (not walking at 17 months and not cruising apparently)

Apparently the mum is really upset with me for being insensitive. I didn’t even know!

AIBU to think this is so silly and petty? We only chat on their now and again about random things really, we never share personal info

OP posts:
Original poster
Wellybobs0 · 06/02/2023 21:48

One of the other mums in the group messaged me first, which obviously means they’re talking about me behind my back, followed by the mum I’d upset not long after basically repeating the same thing.

OP posts:
Johnnysgirl · 06/02/2023 21:48

Tandora · 06/02/2023 21:46

I don’t think other woman did text her first- unless I have misunderstood.

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Jesus, you've spent the entire thread arguing the toss without actually understanding what happened 🤯

redbusbeepbeep · 06/02/2023 21:49

I don’t have a child with a developmental delay , I’m just capable of basic levels of empathy

So you don't think they have been unreasonable to the OP over a question about wellies? Blush

TiaI · 06/02/2023 21:49

Apologise briefly. I do think she’s being over sensitive but that’s often the way with child development concerns

apologies ive no knowledge of where the kids are with their walking, wouldn’t want to upset you. X

Tandora · 06/02/2023 21:49

BadNomad · 06/02/2023 21:47

@Tandora

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Ah ok, I missed that update. That’s more fair enough then. Although missing the context of what the upset mum said.

Johnnysgirl · 06/02/2023 21:49

Tandora · 06/02/2023 21:47

I don’t have a child with a developmental delay , I’m just capable of basic levels of empathy.

Show quote history

Or pitifully low levels of self esteem.

Original poster
Wellybobs0 · 06/02/2023 21:50

I’ve read so many comments on this thread I’m starting to get confused what’s happened myself. Off to bed 😂

OP posts:
Johnnysgirl · 06/02/2023 21:50

Wellybobs0 · 06/02/2023 21:50

I’ve read so many comments on this thread I’m starting to get confused what’s happened myself. Off to bed 😂

😂

BadNomad · 06/02/2023 21:51

Wow I'm upset that I can't go to bed yet. Apologise please.

Johnnysgirl · 06/02/2023 21:53

Trigger warning required.

Original poster
Wellybobs0 · 06/02/2023 21:54

I’m sorry but it’s not my fault you can’t go to bed yet

OP posts:
redbusbeepbeep · 06/02/2023 21:54

Wellybobs0 · 06/02/2023 21:54

I’m sorry but it’s not my fault you can’t go to bed yet

Grin
BadNomad · 06/02/2023 21:56

Tandora · 06/02/2023 21:49

Ah ok, I missed that update. That’s more fair enough then. Although missing the context of what the upset mum said.

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She said what the friend has said. I'm guessing something like "I'm really upset at your insensitivity. My child has a developmental delay and can't even walk yet so your question about walking in wellies has really upset me."

mynamesnotMa · 06/02/2023 22:00

Ffs
They sound mad.

Tandora · 06/02/2023 22:01

BadNomad · 06/02/2023 21:56

She said what the friend has said. I'm guessing something like "I'm really upset at your insensitivity. My child has a developmental delay and can't even walk yet so your question about walking in wellies has really upset me."

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OK if upset mum texted OP what you just wrote here first/ unprompted/ out the blue , then I take it back - OP did not pick the fight, and she was not unreasonable in sending a defensive response.

BankOfDave · 06/02/2023 22:09

I think you’ve outgrown a group WhatsApp if you haven’t seen some for 12 months, just stop posting to everyone.

You didn’t know so there’s nothing malicious here and I think the other person is very sensitive. Between now and your children being 21 there will be SO MANY things where one child surpasses the other and vice versa. Even with a PFB, this thing where some people think the world revolves around them and their struggles and their perspectives makes me want to vomit tbh, it’s so self absorbed.

YANBU

No point name changing as totally outing if your group are on here.

Calphurnia88 · 06/02/2023 22:10

I'm sure @Wellybobs0 can sleep easy now that she has your approval @Tandora

🙄

lljkk · 06/02/2023 22:11

That is nuts, you can't post anything that implies your child is ahead of others' milestones. wtaf. If anyone is struggling to conceive, no one can announce a pregnancy? If X just got dumped, no one can announce a wedding? If Y can't speak, no one can post a video of their kid saying something funny? If Z wont' eat vegetables, no one can mention their kid loves carrots? Utter madness.

SnoozyLucy7 · 06/02/2023 22:12

Tandora · 06/02/2023 21:41

You really didn’t. There are many posters who have said the same, even people who generally agree with you. If you genuinely think that’s an apology you have some work to do in your social skills.

“A true apology does not include the word “but” (“I'm sorry, but …”). “But” automatically cancels out an apology, and nearly always introduces a criticism or excuse. A true apology keeps the focus on your actions—and not on the other person's response.”

pcdcounseling.com/9-rules-true-apologies/

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She absolutely did nothing wrong. The OP is not psychic and her remark was innocent.

OP you are better out of this group, and if you see this lady again, do not apologise to her for a second time.

Calphurnia88 · 06/02/2023 22:14

lljkk · 06/02/2023 22:11

That is nuts, you can't post anything that implies your child is ahead of others' milestones. wtaf. If anyone is struggling to conceive, no one can announce a pregnancy? If X just got dumped, no one can announce a wedding? If Y can't speak, no one can post a video of their kid saying something funny? If Z wont' eat vegetables, no one can mention their kid loves carrots? Utter madness.

Exactly!

I asked my NCT group this week if they had any baby friendly recipes they could recommend as we're getting bored of the same meals. Should I be worried now in case one of them is struggling with weaning?!

Thankfully I don't throw my toys of the pram whenever one of them mentions they had a bad night.

Changemaname1 · 06/02/2023 22:19

No OP you must apologise for not being psychic and for daring to mention the word walk

MaggieFS · 06/02/2023 22:21

Sounds like you are better off out of it and just keep seeing the ones you want to!

How someone can get upset when they haven't told you speaks volumes about them rather than you.

Tandora · 06/02/2023 22:42

Calphurnia88 · 06/02/2023 22:10

I'm sure @Wellybobs0 can sleep easy now that she has your approval @Tandora

🙄

I mean there’s really no need at all to be gratuitously rude.

Tandora · 06/02/2023 22:44

Tandora · 06/02/2023 22:42

I mean there’s really no need at all to be gratuitously rude.

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But that seems to be your MO 💁🏼‍♀️

Calphurnia88 · 06/02/2023 22:48

You've gone on and on about sensitivity and empathy throughout this thread (even linked an article on how to deliver a proper apology), but ironically failed to acknowledge that OP herself might be upset by the fact that members of her NCT group are clearly talking about her behind her back.

For someone as sanctimonious as you appear to be, it seems a bit of a miss, no?

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