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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset my NCT group

298 replies

Wellybobs0 · 05/02/2023 17:38

Name change so outing and I know they occasionally come on here

group of 6 mums on a group chat, we all did nct together but only a few have continued to meet up due to work commitments etc. Our toddlers are now 17 months, and my little girl has only been walking since 15 months. I posted on the what’s app if anyone else’s child is struggling to walk in wellies as it’s so muddy but she just falls over.

A few replied. A few days later one of them messaged to say they think I’d been insensitive considering one of the children in the group had recently been a paediatrician due to delayed milestones (not walking at 17 months and not cruising apparently)

Apparently the mum is really upset with me for being insensitive. I didn’t even know!

AIBU to think this is so silly and petty? We only chat on their now and again about random things really, we never share personal info

OP posts:
blackbeardsballsack · 05/02/2023 18:04

The other mum can be upset, but I have no idea why the OP should be sorry. She's done absolutely nothing wrong. Nobody would ever be able to talk to anyone about anything if we all behaved like the other mum in this group.

FlounderingFruitcake · 05/02/2023 18:05

Wellybobs0 · 05/02/2023 17:53

*You haven’t seen these people i
for a year, why are you asking them
mundane questions about wellies?

i often see 2 of them, and we have casually chatted on the group chat for the last year. We often talk about sleep issues, nursery etc so why wouldn’t I ask about wellies?

So just 2 talk to the 2 you actually see??

A group chat with people who haven’t seen in a year, so presumably are likely to never see again, who are so sensitive you can’t actually ask for ‘friendly advice’ without upsetting someone. And now you’re now talking about having to apologise for such a mundane question is so bloody pointless. These things fade out, it’s normal. If you don’t ditch now then when? And no you shouldn’t apologise, what utter madness when you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong.

Original poster
Wellybobs0 · 05/02/2023 18:06

I’ve left the group chat!

OP posts:
PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 05/02/2023 18:06

Blueflag22 · 05/02/2023 17:50

I accidentally pressed yabu. You haven't done or said anything wrong.

You can change your vote if you want, just select YANBU and it will switch.

OP YANBU.

Loics · 05/02/2023 18:06

Don't apologise - you've done nothing wrong, and all that's doing is effectively telling her that her over-sensitivity over a completely normal thing to say is valid. Feeling upset her child isn't reaching their milestones yet is valid - behaving this way and creating drama is not.
One of mine has a significant speech delay - I wouldn't dream of berating anyone for mentioning how much their child is talking at the same age, should no one mention speech in case I take offence?!

FlounderingFruitcake · 05/02/2023 18:07

Well done OP!

Original poster
Wellybobs0 · 05/02/2023 18:07

@FlounderingFruitcake i agree! Until now it’s been really nice to have a chat with people who have children the same age of mine, but I agree that ship has obviously sailed now

OP posts:
Choconut · 05/02/2023 18:15

If her child has a developmental delay then they may be behind in several areas, is no one ever allowed to bring up any less serious issues they have that may fall under any of those areas?

Teen DS has ASD and has all sorts of social struggles, but all the time I have friends talking about their kids dating issues or their really good friendship group falling out or their issues with their friends on social media. At no time would I tell them they are being insensitive because what's the point? This is what is happening for their kids and I'm happy to hear about it, a little sad for DS of course but he is so great in other ways and very happy as he is. I don't want people to have to tip around me because they might upset me by talking about their kids experiences

She is projecting her upset about her child onto you. It's unreasonable and totally unfair as you weren't even aware but she's obviously very upset about her child so just apologise and maybe set up a new little group just with the people you keep in touch properly with.

LakeTiticaca · 05/02/2023 18:16

I couldn't be doing with this much drama over an innocuous comment about wellies. Bin them off and move on

Awakeallnight · 05/02/2023 18:18

Sounds ridiculous to me. I'm on NCT and our kids are same age as yours - 18mths

All the kids have reached milestones at different times, everyone just celebrated each thing as we went.

Even if you did know I don't think it's insensitive. The conversation doesn't grind to a halt because one kid is last to do something. Nor should people automatically assume you're being goady if your kid is the first to do something.

Sorry you've had this experience.

ladymacbeth · 05/02/2023 18:19

Wellybobs0 · 05/02/2023 18:06

I’ve left the group chat!

Why? One person says you've done something wrong over a misunderstanding, and rather than correct it you've flounced?

Viviennemary · 05/02/2023 18:19

You didn't know so it wasn't your fault. Send an apology just the same. Its the kind, polite and sensible thing to do. IMHO.

museumum · 05/02/2023 18:21

I would reply directly to the one mum saying “I am so sorry to hear about your concerns for <name>. I had no idea. It must be such a worry for you.” Showing empathy and concern but not specifically apologising because I don’t think you did anything wrong.

Changingplace · 05/02/2023 18:23

Tandora · 05/02/2023 17:47

Where does it say that clearly? It wasn’t clear to me, just says the only message occasionally about personal things and don’t meet up that often.

Show quote history

Try reading it again…

Apparently the mum is really upset with me for being insensitive. I didn’t even know!

VladmirsPoutine · 05/02/2023 18:23

Don't apologise. Leave the group and let go of all the angst.

Margot78 · 05/02/2023 18:23

Well done OP. Best thing I ever did was sack off the NCT mob. Nest of judgy vipers. There are better mums out there I promise you, you won’t regret it.

honeyrider · 05/02/2023 18:24

TheChosenTwo · 05/02/2023 18:02

It’s not only silly and petty it’s also bloody pathetic. Sensitive about milestones? Jesus yes just a bit, and then some.
Does the woman also just never open her eyes in public in case anyone has a small child walking?
OP, I’d not even deign to reply to it to be honest, someone being so precious about absolutely nothing is not worth your time or energy.

I agree with this. Whatever about the mother of the baby that's not walking but the second mother who messaged you sounds like a drama lama who wants to create drama and be in the middle of it and probably has wound up the other mother to message you. She's not your friend.

Antsinmypantsneedtodance · 05/02/2023 18:24

NCT is full of precious parents who are generally clueless .Usually over competitive with each other and then offended when their child isn't the first.

YANBU. I'd just dump the group off and speak to the few you actually like.

Note re wellies...try baby bogs.

BlueLabel · 05/02/2023 18:25

Honestly it's a lot of fuss for an innocuous question about wellies. The other mum can be upset, but that's not your fault or something you should be apologising for if you don't even know it had the potential to be a sensitive topic.

It's probably just as well you left the group and focus on the friendships with the 2 you are closer to.

VladmirsPoutine · 05/02/2023 18:25

Wellybobs0 · 05/02/2023 18:06

I’ve left the group chat!

Good going!!

DemBonesDemBones · 05/02/2023 18:26

She is ridiculous. From a mum who's child is non verbal at 6.

Whyisitsososohard · 05/02/2023 18:27

FlounderingFruitcake · 05/02/2023 17:52

You haven’t seen these people i
for a year, why are you asking them
mundane questions about wellies? I don’t think you did anything wrong per se because obviously you didn’t know but continuing to message when it’s obvious that ship has sailed is a bit odd. Just leave the chat and move on.

MN is so nuts. What are you talking about continuing to message when that ship has sailed? Its fairly clear from the op that teh chat has been ongoing sporadically about child related stuff. What a random take on the situation. Like purposely looking for the worst. So unpleasant.

Justcallmebebes · 05/02/2023 18:30

Leave the group. They sound bat shit

TheLizardQueen · 05/02/2023 18:30

My DD didn’t walk until 20 months. I would have no problem with your message 🤷‍♀️

Princesspollyyy · 05/02/2023 18:32

Sucessinthenewyear · 05/02/2023 17:45

If you you knew then you were in the wrong.

Another one not big on reading? Clearly says in the opening post that she DIDNT KNOW