Upset my NCT group

[Wellybobs0]

Name change so outing and I know they occasionally come on here

group of 6 mums on a group chat, we all did nct together but only a few have continued to meet up due to work commitments etc. Our toddlers are now 17 months, and my little girl has only been walking since 15 months. I posted on the what’s app if anyone else’s child is struggling to walk in wellies as it’s so muddy but she just falls over.

A few replied. A few days later one of them messaged to say they think I’d been insensitive considering one of the children in the group had recently been a paediatrician due to delayed milestones (not walking at 17 months and not cruising apparently)

Apparently the mum is really upset with me for being insensitive. I didn’t even know!

AIBU to think this is so silly and petty? We only chat on their now and again about random things really, we never share personal info

This^ today's parenting over sensitive.

You haven’t seen these people i
for a year, why are you asking them
mundane questions about wellies? I don’t think you did anything wrong per se because obviously you didn’t know but continuing to message when it’s obvious that ship has sailed is a bit odd. Just leave the chat and move on.

I read that as she “didn’t know” this mum was upset, as it follows the statement “apparently the mum is upset with me for being insensitive”. Definitely wasn’t clear , warranted clarification.

Surely it’s just kind of those things and she shouldn’t be so sensitive?! I wouldn’t apologise as that most likely will validate her bat shit perspective.

I would say this is typical NCT behaviour from my experience. I'd ignore and move on. Meet some mum friends who have more going on in their life that making an innocent comment about their situation.
I honestly wouldnt worry.

*You haven’t seen these people i
for a year, why are you asking them
mundane questions about wellies?

i often see 2 of them, and we have casually chatted on the group chat for the last year. We often talk about sleep issues, nursery etc so why wouldn’t I ask about wellies?

Just
leave
the
group

I think it's petty. My toddler is delayed with speech and struggled a lot with eating, I'd feel disheartened seeing my mums WhatsApp group full of messages about how much theirs are chatting or they're eating loads and always hungry but I'd never be upset with them, it's not their problem!

Are you not allowed to bring anything up until all children have met that milestone? That's absurd.

It’s a perfectly normal thing for a mum to be sensitive about- especially a first time mum. These things are very sensitive. There’s no point in telling someone they shouldn’t feel what they feel.

People can feel what they feel, quietly inside their own home to their partner or their mum or whoever.

It doesn't need to be a full WhatsApp drama.

Obviously you didn’t do anything wrong if you didn’t know but if you’re bothered about smoothing things over, just message the upset mum to say you weren’t aware and are sorry if she’s upset. If I’d unintentionally hurt someone, I’d apologise even if technically I’ve done nothing wrong. Doesn’t cost me anything to do so.

Ok I have a disabled child. You were absolutely not insensitive and if she’s upset that’s on her. She will have days where she feels like that. As a parent of a child with physical disabilities it’s hard seeing others children where you’d hope yours were. But and it’s a massive but you can not take it out on other parents for asking questions about their children.

I hope someone can be gentle with her and tell her she’s being unreasonable. You did nothing wrong.

It’s just made me feel like shit really. I just wanted a bit of friendly advice about bloody wellies. The message I got from her and the other mum just seemed so frosty for such an innocent thing to ask. I’ll just apologise and move on

This. How utterly ridiculous. So no-one in a whole group can ever talk about walking because one isn't. What happens if another develops serious allergies. Is food talk then banned too? Why does one person get to dictate this!

She’s projecting her very understandable worry and sadness onto you. If her child has developmental delays then she is going to need to learn some resilience and I say this as the parent to a child with disabilities.
Youre fine, OP don’t worry.

Oh god OP, life's too short to hang out with people like this, I'd just remove myself they sound awful.

This reminds me a bit of When my dd was newborn I went to ds school play . Got there and was immediately cornered by a mum who said ‘why are you here? With the baby? You need to go as x will be here soon’ I was totally confused and said i didn’t understand and she was shocked I didn’t know that another mum whose baby was a couple of weeks older than mine had sadly died due to Sid’s a few days earlier. I explained I didn’t know and she told me ‘well you can still go over there and STAY in that area at the back so you don’t upset her’
I went and sat where I wanted and she never spoke to me again.

The mum who had lost her baby was lovely, a week or so later we had chatted I don’t think she would have had an issue and I don’t think she even knew what the other mum had done (she just got a bee in her bonnet about it clearly) but sometimes people will jump in maybe thinking they are helping but they aren’t

That's what I would do in your situation.

It’s ridiculous behavior. The group is supposed to be for supporting each other. I mean my son is autistic and struggles at school but I don’t kick off if my friend mentions they are worried about their child having an argument with their friends. Just because you are struggling doesn’t mean none of your friends must ever speak about their life. It’s self absorbed to think that way.

A lot of toddlers struggle in wellies by the way! I’ve worked with loads of kids who can’t do it when they’re little. I don’t know why. Maybe it is having the legs restricted so it feels awkward?

I'd be tempted to leave the group and just contact the ones you actually meet up with. I'm quite crap at apologizing for things I don't feel bad about though. You've done nothing wrong here. As PP said it was a perfectly reasonable topic of conversation.

Life is too short in consuming yourself with touchy people, walking on egg shells wondering when you will next upset someone. Don't feel shit.

Ridiculous imo. This is clearly why I struggle to make friends....so many women seem to be so hyper sensitive to such innocuous things.

It’s not only silly and petty it’s also bloody pathetic. Sensitive about milestones? Jesus yes just a bit, and then some.
Does the woman also just never open her eyes in public in case anyone has a small child walking?
OP, I’d not even deign to reply to it to be honest, someone being so precious about absolutely nothing is not worth your time or energy.

@Tandora lm not saying actually say it to her but people will have thoughts about these things. That is allowed!

I had a lot of allergies when l was a child but myself and my parents got through other children’s birthday parties (often no cake for me), meals out etc. Some how we all coped and lived to see another day.