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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset my NCT group

298 replies

Wellybobs0 · 05/02/2023 17:38

Name change so outing and I know they occasionally come on here

group of 6 mums on a group chat, we all did nct together but only a few have continued to meet up due to work commitments etc. Our toddlers are now 17 months, and my little girl has only been walking since 15 months. I posted on the what’s app if anyone else’s child is struggling to walk in wellies as it’s so muddy but she just falls over.

A few replied. A few days later one of them messaged to say they think I’d been insensitive considering one of the children in the group had recently been a paediatrician due to delayed milestones (not walking at 17 months and not cruising apparently)

Apparently the mum is really upset with me for being insensitive. I didn’t even know!

AIBU to think this is so silly and petty? We only chat on their now and again about random things really, we never share personal info

OP posts:
Nicedayout22 · 05/02/2023 18:35

YNBU: life can be tough if you don't fit usual experiences (like any Ill health or disability). But that's part of coping with that,that other people won't experience that. Just have to take it on the chin,if it's just from non close friends or family I'm afraid.(and sometimes even from people close to you).

Original poster
Wellybobs0 · 05/02/2023 18:36

Why? One person says you've done something wrong over a misunderstanding, and rather than correct it you've flounce

It was 2 mums in the chat who brought up my ‘insensitive’ comment, I only meet up with 2 of them so like others have pointed out, what’s the point? I’m not walking on egg shells around them. I also messaged the mum to apologise but also said I really don’t think I said anything wrong

OP posts:
cadburyegg · 05/02/2023 18:37

My DS2 was under paeds and physio because he didn't walk until he was 22 months. My friend's DD1 is 10 months younger and she walked before he did!

You weren't being insensitive at all. It's a perfectly normal question to ask. The mum is entitled to feel whatever she feels but she doesn't get to blame you for it.

RoseGoldEagle · 05/02/2023 18:37

That’s ridiculous. I wouldn’t even message her about it, she presumably knows you didn’t know.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 05/02/2023 18:40

NCT groups are often very good when you are pregnant, and have a very small baby, the time when everyones baby is by far and away the biggest focus in their lives. This is the thing that an otherwise random bunch of strangers have in common - and for a while it's a biggie! Once everyone starts going back to work, the babies start growing up a bit etc, then that joint interest shifts and the people who don't really have that much in common drift. If you've not spoken to this person for the thick end of a year, then you are really not that close. Apologise, and move on.

CatJumperTwat · 05/02/2023 18:41

If you find the group generally helpful then ignore them and carry on as you are.

If you don't get anything out of it then leave the group.

I wouldn't be apologising.

Original poster
Wellybobs0 · 05/02/2023 18:41

My husband has just pointed out that said mum posted a video of her son doing animal noises in our group chat a few weeks back, and I actually said to him, ohhh DD doesn’t do that. Didn’t even cross my mind to be upset with her and I’m half tempted to point this out! (I won’t)

OP posts:
Justalittlebitduckling · 05/02/2023 18:41

Life is too short to bother with this. I think you’ve done the right thing to bow out and move on.

SeasonFinale · 05/02/2023 18:42

Tandora · 05/02/2023 17:47

Where does it say that clearly? It wasn’t clear to me, just says the only message occasionally about personal things and don’t meet up that often.

Show quote history

It says "I didn't know!"

i don't think she can be any clearer

eighteenthirteen1 · 05/02/2023 18:43

Wellybobs0 · 05/02/2023 17:58

It’s just made me feel like shit really. I just wanted a bit of friendly advice about bloody wellies. The message I got from her and the other mum just seemed so frosty for such an innocent thing to ask. I’ll just apologise and move on

Get crocs wellies, they're really light and very comfy

CatJumperTwat · 05/02/2023 18:43

Missed your update. It's a shame you've left but I'm sure you can get advice elsewhere.

sweetsuzie · 05/02/2023 18:44

NCT groups are shit they are always mums comparing this and that. Mine was in Richmond and we had all these old mums as in they were all so called successful career women that had their first baby in late 30s, whereas I was in my late 20s. The sooner you meet more like minded people and move on from these condescending cows the better. Just because you popped out kids around the same time does not mean you have anything else in common and since they are clearly non supportive it’s good riddance to make time for people that will care about you and your child.

ShimmeringShirts · 05/02/2023 18:45

I don’t personally get why it’s a crime to have posted about what you did even if you had known another child was struggling to reach a milestone. I’m all for being supportive of the other mother but that doesn’t mean anyone else can’t ask for advice or support either.

sweetsuzie · 05/02/2023 18:45

Try music classes playgroups and soon enough the nursery too.

Highdaysandholidays1 · 05/02/2023 18:48

It's not a shame to have left, it served a purpose, you met two lovely friends, time to move on and message them directly. Groups which have to police members are going to be very stressful; if you were friends with them, they would have told you about the developmental delay and also imputed good motivations to you as a friend anyway. you are not friends, and they like shaming people. Move on with the two you've found.

Sucessinthenewyear · 05/02/2023 18:49

Boneweary · 05/02/2023 17:49

MN comprehension at its finest again, I see.

Apparently the mum is really upset with me for being insensitive. I didn’t even know

I’d just be gracious about it and say how awful for you, so sorry, blah blah.

This could also mean she didn’t know the other Mum was upset. The OP isn’t very clear.

Original poster
Wellybobs0 · 05/02/2023 18:49

Thanks everyone, I feel so much better. I have found and ordered some crocs wellies from Vinted :-)

OP posts:
Nicetoseeyou1980 · 05/02/2023 18:50

Where does it end? My son is nearly 16.
Has learning disabilities and is autistic, I would never have a go at anyone else talking about what their child can and can not do.
Absolutely ridiculous, OP you are not in the wrong!

eighteenthirteen1 · 05/02/2023 18:50

Wellybobs0 · 05/02/2023 18:49

Thanks everyone, I feel so much better. I have found and ordered some crocs wellies from Vinted :-)

👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

DemBonesDemBones · 05/02/2023 18:51

It sounds like this was only a support group for one member of the group.

GneissGuysFinishLast · 05/02/2023 18:51

This is why I hate mum groups, in general. They are either full of people bragging they their child is the most advanced child ever to grace earth, or people concerned over every single tiny thing. Not walking at 17 months is not massively unusual. My son is 1 in a few days and has only just started crawling, he’s the last one in our group but at no point did I worry about that or make anyone else feel bad that their kids is crawling or anything, because that is ridiculous.

My daughter was always really advanced in terms of language but behind in her physical milestones. She’s now older and average for language but still not the most physical kid.

Tinkerbyebye · 05/02/2023 18:51

I would go back to whoever messaged you and say the mothers being an idiot, is she really expecting no one to talk about kids walking because hers have difficulties. As someone with disabled family members I can tell you she is going to have to toughen up

GneissGuysFinishLast · 05/02/2023 18:53

sweetsuzie · 05/02/2023 18:44

NCT groups are shit they are always mums comparing this and that. Mine was in Richmond and we had all these old mums as in they were all so called successful career women that had their first baby in late 30s, whereas I was in my late 20s. The sooner you meet more like minded people and move on from these condescending cows the better. Just because you popped out kids around the same time does not mean you have anything else in common and since they are clearly non supportive it’s good riddance to make time for people that will care about you and your child.

I find that NCT groups attract a … certain demographic. Which is fine if that is what you are into.

worried4698643 · 05/02/2023 18:53

How ridiculous. I wouldn't give it a second thought.

I tend to fine NCT mums in general very precious about everything.

In response to your actual welly issue. They are heavier and clunkier than trainers. Kids usually struggle for a while. Try putting them on in the house for practice.

romdowa · 05/02/2023 18:53

Sounds like those too women are absolutely barmy. My son has hearing loss and I'm not upset at other people when they mention their children love a certain sound etc because it would be utter madness