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AIBU?

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Original poster

To place flowers on the grave of someone I don't know?

266 replies

ChocChipOwl · 04/02/2023 08:59

There's a back story of course. I'm not a random weirdo!

My DH thinks I'm mad but I think this is a nice thing to do.

I like researching social and local history and I'll do it for the various places I've lived. I'll use online searches etc and research a place / person and it's all quite interesting

Anyway, I live in a very small village and was researching a local house when I found a postcard dated 1915 which was sent to a lady who lived round the corner from me. I researched more on her, the area etc

She died in 1917 and is buried 0.2 miles from my house in the churchyard

I've now finished this particular research and wanted to put some flowers on her grave. She has no living relatives as her daughters were both 'spinsters'

Only a three quid bunch of tulips. My husband thinks bonkers but I think just a nice token of .. appreciation? Esteem? Not sure

I'd remove them in a week so nothing festering in there

So. A weirdo? Or nice?

OP posts:
Chrysanthemum5 · 04/02/2023 09:01

I think it sounds kind. I'd make sure you remove the plastic wrap in case you forget to remove them later

PacmanIsLost · 04/02/2023 09:03

I think that’s really nice, you should do it

passwordnotsecure · 04/02/2023 09:03

No one will know, she won't know but if you feel you want to pay your respects in this way as a thank you for being part of your research and story, then it's up to you.

Hobbesmanc · 04/02/2023 09:04

Awww that's really sweet. I get really sad when I see fairly recent graves that are obviously neglected. Flowers would be a lovely thoughtful gesture.

Oysterbabe · 04/02/2023 09:04

What's the point?
I guess if it pleases you in some way then there's no harm, just seems like a waste of money and pointless plastic.

Yika · 04/02/2023 09:05

Nice gesture.

Helpyou · 04/02/2023 09:08

Oysterbabe · 04/02/2023 09:04

What's the point?
I guess if it pleases you in some way then there's no harm, just seems like a waste of money and pointless plastic.

I feel so sad that even flowers are frowned upon these days. I know that birthday cards / christmas cards are dying out because of the environment etc... but flowers? Come on. Flowers are a lovely gesture. We can't do anything nice these days.

Applesandcarrots · 04/02/2023 09:12

Oysterbabe · 04/02/2023 09:04

What's the point?
I guess if it pleases you in some way then there's no harm, just seems like a waste of money and pointless plastic.

Hey joyful.

Where did the plastic come from? I reread it 4x to see mention of anything plastic

Original poster
ChocChipOwl · 04/02/2023 09:12

There is no plastic involved and I'm not sure why anyone may think that? 3 pounds - tulips- not plastic wrapped - from the local garden centre

OP posts:
Applesandcarrots · 04/02/2023 09:13

Do it. I can see why he thinks it's weird but I can also see why you want to do it. Since there are no loving relatives it shouldn't freak anyone out

pictoosh · 04/02/2023 09:14

If you like. I'm not sure on the purpose of doing it as there is no one to 'gesture' to except yourself...the woman is dead...but fine.

butterpuffed · 04/02/2023 09:15

That would be a lovely thing to do 😊

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 04/02/2023 09:16

Hobbesmanc · 04/02/2023 09:04

Awww that's really sweet. I get really sad when I see fairly recent graves that are obviously neglected. Flowers would be a lovely thoughtful gesture.

I do volunteer gardening for a local church where the burials stopped early in the 20c and families are either dead or have moved away. We tidy up, weed, clear ivy off the gravestones and plant flowers; it's a haven for wildlife and a peaceful place, and a lot of people have said to the vicar how much they appreciate what the volunteers do. I think the flowers is a very nice gesture.

faffadoodledo · 04/02/2023 09:16

Lovely. Even if you just picked some daffs from your garden.
What's the point of keeping gravestones in the landscape of it's not to occasionally remember?

ShillyShallySherbet · 04/02/2023 09:17

Sounds like a lovely thing to do.

rainbowstardrops · 04/02/2023 09:19

I think it's lovely too. A lovely mark of respect for contributing to your research.

staceyflack · 04/02/2023 09:19

Sounds lovely to me 💐

SirVixofVixHall · 04/02/2023 09:20

Lovely OP.
I have done the same, at the grave of a young girl who I discovered was born and died in my house. I have planted flowers that grow around the house on her grave, and sometimes go and clear the brambles that tend to trail over her headstones and those of her parents and family, (they are in an overgrown area of an old churchyard).
It is nice that someone is still thought of.

Mossball · 04/02/2023 09:22

Instead of a bunch of flowers could you buy some daffs or primroses that are flowering and put them in? They'll come back year after year and they'll be available at the garden centre now really cheaply. Great for the environment too as well as making you feel like you've paid your respects to the dead.

KangarooKenny · 04/02/2023 09:22

I think it’s lovely. I put flowers on the grave of a relative of mine who I never met, it’s just a way of showing that they’re not forgotten.

honeybeeandme · 04/02/2023 09:23

That's such a nice thought OP. Definitely do it! Kindness comes in many waves

WunWun · 04/02/2023 09:23

I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I thought you were going to say a modern grave that people might be visiting, which wouldn't be good.

CaptainMyCaptain · 04/02/2023 09:23

Its a nice thing to do.

Usou · 04/02/2023 09:24

Absolutely a wonderful thing to do.

Mittens1717 · 04/02/2023 09:25

I think it's a lovely gesture

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