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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To place flowers on the grave of someone I don't know?

266 replies

ChocChipOwl · 04/02/2023 08:59

There's a back story of course. I'm not a random weirdo!

My DH thinks I'm mad but I think this is a nice thing to do.

I like researching social and local history and I'll do it for the various places I've lived. I'll use online searches etc and research a place / person and it's all quite interesting

Anyway, I live in a very small village and was researching a local house when I found a postcard dated 1915 which was sent to a lady who lived round the corner from me. I researched more on her, the area etc

She died in 1917 and is buried 0.2 miles from my house in the churchyard

I've now finished this particular research and wanted to put some flowers on her grave. She has no living relatives as her daughters were both 'spinsters'

Only a three quid bunch of tulips. My husband thinks bonkers but I think just a nice token of .. appreciation? Esteem? Not sure

I'd remove them in a week so nothing festering in there

So. A weirdo? Or nice?

OP posts:
Johnnysgirl · 04/02/2023 09:54

Nosejobent · 04/02/2023 09:33

I think it’s a lovely thought and I feel odd that such nice gestures could be questioned as being weird.
There is a child’s grave near to my dads grave.
I sometimes leave a flower at this child’s grave from the flowers I’m leaving for my father. I don’t know the child’s family but it was so incredibly moving that when we buried my dad, there was a child’s grave near to it. It really put things in perspective and made me realise that my dad had a good full life, it was very helpful in the grieving process.
aside from that, my dad was so particular about being a good “neighbour”, it seemed something he would do if he could!

That's lovely.

Clovacloud · 04/02/2023 09:54

I think that’s a really lovely thing to do.

Johnnysgirl · 04/02/2023 09:54

ChocChipOwl · 04/02/2023 09:51

I'd consider myself fairly unsentimental too but maybe I'm not so much?

People help the people I suppose but she's not been alive for a long time so yeah it's a bit daft

It's not daft at all.

TomorrowAndTomorrowAndTomorrow · 04/02/2023 09:58

All these posts and nobody's mentioned the twitter thread about the guy putting flowers on the grave next to his dad....

www.distractify.com/p/flowers-strangers-grave-story

Johnnysgirl · 04/02/2023 09:59

How can anything that makes the world a little brighter be wrong?

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 04/02/2023 10:00

What a lovely sweet gesture OP!

Whatislove82 · 04/02/2023 10:01

Your dh thinks you’re “mad” and “bonkers” to putting a tiny bunch of flowers on a grave of someone you don’t know but have a connection to?

Well doesn’t he sound a peach? 🤔

OhFFS! · 04/02/2023 10:01

Sounds lovely to me

MissMarplesbag · 04/02/2023 10:02

Lovely gesture but if you want to make a more discreet gesture then a charity donation instead of a fiver on flowers.

Whatislove82 · 04/02/2023 10:02

How sad that your husband makes your second guess yourself

ZestFest · 04/02/2023 10:03

Yes, I think it's a really lovely gesture 😘

louise5754 · 04/02/2023 10:03

Whatislove82 · 04/02/2023 10:01

Your dh thinks you’re “mad” and “bonkers” to putting a tiny bunch of flowers on a grave of someone you don’t know but have a connection to?

Well doesn’t he sound a peach? 🤔

My dh things I'm a saddo for researching my family tree. Some men don't care about things like that.

bigbluebus · 04/02/2023 10:04

Can't see the problem if there's no living relatives.
Someone placed a single flower on my DDs grave once and I've never found out who it was. I was touched but curious - it will remain one of life's great mysteries.

CrazyCorgi · 04/02/2023 10:06

Not weird. I went and placed my wedding flowers on some sad looking graves in our local cemetery. We used to go for walks there sometimes as I liked the history and knew that a lot of them never got any visitors as they were from so long ago. I also made up two big bags of cakes and niceties that were leftover from our evening buffet and gave them to two random homeless guys. Sharing is caring 💗

tinselvestsparklepants · 04/02/2023 10:07

I have no kids and I'm the youngest in my family, so I'll be her one day. I think it's a lovely thing to do. A primrose that'll come back would be even nicer!

VintageThoughts · 04/02/2023 10:07

I can't think of a single reason not to.

It's just a kind gesture. And if it makes you feel happy, then even better.

MrsMikeDrop · 04/02/2023 10:08

I think that's lovely

louise5754 · 04/02/2023 10:08

bigbluebus · 04/02/2023 10:04

Can't see the problem if there's no living relatives.
Someone placed a single flower on my DDs grave once and I've never found out who it was. I was touched but curious - it will remain one of life's great mysteries.

That's the thing if someone did do this I'd like to know it was. Although a nice gesture it can be confusing / concerning for the family. I think dying over 100 years ago is different.

SoShallINever · 04/02/2023 10:09

I think its a nice thing to do.

AmigoDogs · 04/02/2023 10:09

TomorrowAndTomorrowAndTomorrow · 04/02/2023 09:58

All these posts and nobody's mentioned the twitter thread about the guy putting flowers on the grave next to his dad....

www.distractify.com/p/flowers-strangers-grave-story

I've just been googling to find a link to the same story 😀

Whatislove82 · 04/02/2023 10:10

louise5754 · 04/02/2023 10:03

My dh things I'm a saddo for researching my family tree. Some men don't care about things like that.

Show quote history

yes and there will be things you don’t care about it.

but when you love someone, you generally do not make them second guess what you care about it by making it clear they think it’s “bonkers” “madness” “saddo”

louise5754 · 04/02/2023 10:11

@Whatislove82 It's not that deep. The op will presumably do it whether her husband approves or not,

QueefQueen80s · 04/02/2023 10:11

It's beautiful. Some miserable fuckers on here

Original poster
ChocChipOwl · 04/02/2023 10:12

@Whatislove82 ha ha. You're projecting.

It's no exaggeration to say he's the best husband on the world!

OP posts:
Whatislove82 · 04/02/2023 10:15

ChocChipOwl · 04/02/2023 10:12

@Whatislove82 ha ha. You're projecting.

It's no exaggeration to say he's the best husband on the world!

Oh dear! 😬