To place flowers on the grave of someone I don't know?

[ChocChipOwl]

There's a back story of course. I'm not a random weirdo!

My DH thinks I'm mad but I think this is a nice thing to do.

I like researching social and local history and I'll do it for the various places I've lived. I'll use online searches etc and research a place / person and it's all quite interesting

Anyway, I live in a very small village and was researching a local house when I found a postcard dated 1915 which was sent to a lady who lived round the corner from me. I researched more on her, the area etc

She died in 1917 and is buried 0.2 miles from my house in the churchyard

I've now finished this particular research and wanted to put some flowers on her grave. She has no living relatives as her daughters were both 'spinsters'

Only a three quid bunch of tulips. My husband thinks bonkers but I think just a nice token of .. appreciation? Esteem? Not sure

I'd remove them in a week so nothing festering in there

So. A weirdo? Or nice?

It’s pointless but in a nice way.

Maybe you and she might meet in a future life or even just bump off each other as random atoms in the universe some time and feel a recognition.

No, the grave is almost 120 years old , no next of kin or anything

Nobody would know I've done it either - I'm not some sort of egomaniac who needs any recognition

Just thought it may be nice but of course -- who would actually know or care? But maybe Mrs Bedingfeld might have cared?

I agree about the bulbs that would be really lovely, but cut flowers are also nice.

'A man's not dead until the last time his name is spoken' I think that is Terry Pratchet.

I only get to see the family graves once or twice a year as I moved away from my home village.

I think I'd like to find flowers on them even if I didn't know who'd put them there.

I agree

I don't agree, I am warmed when I see someone has left flowers, so many came to his funeral it is lovely that people still remember him.

Just thought it may be nice but of course -- who would actually know or care? But maybe Mrs Bedingfeld might have cared?

You'd know and you'd care that you said thanks. If she died in 1917 then she'd been through 3 years of war - I bet she'd have loved the flowers to cheer her up.

Really doesn't matter if your husband thinks it's 'bonkers'. I bet if you thought hard enough you could find a dozen things he does that are equally bonkers but give him meaning, or pleasure, or both.
It's a lovely thing to do but more importantly you WANT to do it and there's no reason on this earth why you shouldn't OP.

I think it’s a lovely thought and I feel odd that such nice gestures could be questioned as being weird.
There is a child’s grave near to my dads grave.
I sometimes leave a flower at this child’s grave from the flowers I’m leaving for my father. I don’t know the child’s family but it was so incredibly moving that when we buried my dad, there was a child’s grave near to it. It really put things in perspective and made me realise that my dad had a good full life, it was very helpful in the grieving process.
aside from that, my dad was so particular about being a good “neighbour”, it seemed something he would do if he could!

And someone cared enough about Mrs Bedingfeld during a difficult time, to lay her to rest in her own/family plot, to pay for the headstone, I bet they would also have loved to know that sometime in the future, using technology they could not comprehend, people were 'remembering' her

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain that's a nice way of thinking about it

You've brought tears to my eyes. ❤

@SunsetandCupcakes well, I think I'd quite like someone to say my name again, over 110 years after I'd died. So that's one way of thinking about it

I think it's lovely 😊

I guess if it pleases you in some way then there's no harm, just seems like a waste of money and pointless plastic

I'm sure cellophane used to wrap flowers in is biodegradable, it doesn't last for years and years in landfill.

@Nosejobent that's so nice.

And we probably shouldn't question nice but pointless gestures.

I like the bulbs idea

@Oysterbabe no plastic, where did you get that from? And they're 3 pounds which I can afford

I think it's a lovely thing to do. In fact it's made me smile on this miserable day.

I bet they would also have loved to know that sometime in the future, using technology they could not comprehend, people were 'remembering' her

Oh absolutely this. My brother has done years of research on our family tree and I wonder sometimes if those aristocrats and farmers could have realised that someone would find out about them and remember them, what they'd have thought.

One of the graves I look after is a little girl with the same name and the same age as one of my GGMs. I'm trying to find out more about her.

We have a grace in our local churchyard of a very, very young soldier who died in 1916 we pit flowers on it every year.

Sorry, cheap bunches of flowers usual come in plastic so it was an assumption.

If it will make you happy in some way then do it 💁I'm a very practical and not in any way sentimental person, so I don't see the point.

It doesn’t mean that the person isn’t thought about. I’ve never visited a grave if a family member. It’s not a thing in our family. My dad leaves a wreath once a year at his parents grave, but that’s it. We remember the people. This might make you feel better about it!

Because it's a lovely thing to do. Where does plastic come into it?

Sounds nice.

I'd consider myself fairly unsentimental too but maybe I'm not so much?

People help the people I suppose but she's not been alive for a long time so yeah it's a bit daft