To place flowers on the grave of someone I don't know?

[ChocChipOwl]

There's a back story of course. I'm not a random weirdo!

My DH thinks I'm mad but I think this is a nice thing to do.

I like researching social and local history and I'll do it for the various places I've lived. I'll use online searches etc and research a place / person and it's all quite interesting

Anyway, I live in a very small village and was researching a local house when I found a postcard dated 1915 which was sent to a lady who lived round the corner from me. I researched more on her, the area etc

She died in 1917 and is buried 0.2 miles from my house in the churchyard

I've now finished this particular research and wanted to put some flowers on her grave. She has no living relatives as her daughters were both 'spinsters'

Only a three quid bunch of tulips. My husband thinks bonkers but I think just a nice token of .. appreciation? Esteem? Not sure

I'd remove them in a week so nothing festering in there

So. A weirdo? Or nice?

What was the reason your do thought it was a mad and bonkers idea? And were you this twitchy and defensive with him?

@MyCousinsNotVinny thanks for replying. I think this really must be a cultural difference thing to be honest.
I'm irish & we, perhaps, have a different approach to death & memorial from what I've experienced in the UK.

When I'm home & travelling around I might make a point of visiting a relatives grave if I'm in that area. I would leave a small bunch of flowers. It wouldn't occur to me to write notes or try to contact other living family members - I would have even know where to start with doing that to be honest, especially in the case of the grave of a great grandparent etc

And, for me, its a little far fetched that a) some other family member will arrive to a long abandoned grave in time to see these tulips (which have a lifespan of mere days), b) if someone did spot them that they'd immediately jump to a suspicious conclusion rather than the infinitely more common occurance - that some passing friend or family had visited too, c) that random flowers might trigger fears that the deceased person had been adulterous....

None of that really seems all that plausible to me.

I do agree with a pp who observed that people seem so afraid of causing any offense, however slight the chance, that they'd rather do nothing at all. It's a sad way to live.

@TheDead yes, I have Irish friends and family and their approach to death is rather different and how you describe

@HufflepuffRavenclaw ha yes. The equivalent of our WhatsApp-ing and PM ing. People wrote so frequently and they'd use postcards to say a few lines, adding they'd be writing later.

I'd be prepared to take the risk as well.

When I read the title I thought that the recently deceased DP would presume that they had a secret person in their life and had been having an affair. When it’s this old and with no known relatives I think it’s lovely. Maybe leave a card sort of explaining the link.

I looked him up on Wiki.

I thought he sounded OK.

Better than a few other bishops I've come across in my theological career, I can tell you. There's some weirdos and some bumholes wearing purple out there. (I quite like the weirdos)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Hicks_(bishop)

I'm sure James Joyce and Nora Barnacle (whom he later married) used to correspond by postcard and short notes several times a day. It was practically like the old "every-15-minutes" bus services we used to have.

@Emotionalsupportviper fascinating! I wonder why the locals didn't think much of him?

I'm sure James Joyce and Nora Barnacle (whom he later married) used to correspond by postcard and short notes several times a day. It was practically like the old "every-15-minutes" bus services we used to have.

Yes - because there was a second post every day. - in other words two postal deliveries to your home every day.

I have postscard from great-great relatives that say things like 'sorry I'm running late today I'll be there by 4pm'. There are loads like that involving communications about meeting times same day or the following day. It was how people communicated pre- telephones.

These days you are lucky if you get a big heap once every 3 or 4 days. You'd have to write 'sorry I'm running late. I'll be three weeks late' to bother sending that by post.

It's a lovely thing to do 😊
To me it shows you're a kind thoughtful person and not a shallow person.

I've been doing Ancestry for a while now (both my own and friends' family trees) and am on some FB ancestry sites, and you'd be amazed how often there are family links when people feel drawn to a particular house, or a particular person. It may be that you are distantly related to this lady. After all, if both your families have lived in the same area for several generations they may well have intermarried. So yes, I think you feel a connection to her and there may be a reason for this. It would be very special for you to put flowers on her grave

I have found this too.
I think we sometimes feel the connections to people and places.

@Pocketfullofdogtreats we are not related however yes, I can now see the connections so thanks for that insight.

I mainly enjoy researching social history and it's not usual for me to research an actual person so much. And I definitely have a favoured time ... Victorian, give or take but nothing past about 1920 and probably nothing much before 1800. No idea why that is!

@MyCousinsNotVinny I remember clearly the days when we had a second post! Wasn't that long ago!

I think it sounds a lovely thing to do.