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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have become terrified of dog walks

213 replies

GoneToday · 02/02/2023 22:07

I absolutely adore my dogs and walks are (or were) the highlight of my day.
I walk them in a variety of lovely
places - very rurally, semi rural and also in large parks. I’ve walked dogs my whole life.
I mostly walk alone as I don’t live locally to any dog owning friends and I work shifts so it’s not easy to arrange regular dog walking friends as my times vary.
The last couple of weeks I’ve began to feel very uneasy on dog walks, the trees and fields that used to feel peaceful and beautiful have begun to feel ominous and almost foreboding.
I know there has been a poor missing woman who has vanished from a dog walk, plus a local sex attack in a very ‘safe and quiet’ village field in daylight.
However, I have heard horror stories before and although I’ve felt awful for the individual I’ve never felt personally under much threat.
My dogs are small, soft dogs and are no way physically protecting. I feel at my whits end.
I’m not prone to drama or excessive anxiety but Aibu to feel that dog walking as a lone female is not safe?
Maybe IABU, I just can’t shake the feeling and it’s genuinely ruining my life which sounds dramatic but I don’t know what to do with my dogs now as I spend walks feeling scared. I do have complex trauma history but that was decades ago and I’ve walked dogs happily for years since then.
Any thoughts welcome.

OP posts:
TheGuv1982 · 02/02/2023 22:09

Is it possible to vary where you walk them, perhaps drive to somewhere a little more busy that doesn’t feel as isolated and foreboding?

Greenqueen40 · 02/02/2023 22:10

I suddenly realised during a walk throught the woods with headphones in how bloody vulnerable I am. The lady missing at the moment has made it worse. Maybe I'm being silly though, who knows!

TheWy · 02/02/2023 22:11

I've stopped walking in the enclosed fields now. I take my dog to the park instead.

I felt the same. Just... scared. No idea why, it suddenly just seemed unsafe. :(

Moonface31 · 02/02/2023 22:15

I'm not sure it's any more dangerous now than it's always been... However I do stick to the better lit roads on my 6am dog walks through the winter when there's no daylight. I can't foresee any time when there won't be predators, if we change our behaviour too much because of them, they've won. Grim though isn't it.

Sazzling · 02/02/2023 22:15

Plus the whole Andrew Tate thing, angry Incels. It feels like a scary time. Like, probably nothing will happen on any given day, but what if it does one day?

On one of my regular walks, I sometimes see a guy. I think there is something odd about him and he scared me a few times, especially as he was sometimes off the path and would join it from the woods. I've seen him enough now that I don't pay him much mind, but I still think he is an oddball.

But what do you do?

arghtriffid · 02/02/2023 22:16

I do feel uneasy walking in the woods sometimes. I vary the time I walk and the route I take through them. I am always aware of my surroundings. I have cut a walk short if I feel spooked and have even run back to the car a couple of times. Just an off feeling on the carpark and I will leave it that day.

Original poster
GoneToday · 02/02/2023 22:17

Interesting, and really depressing, that others are all feeling the same at the moment. It’s just shit isn’t it.

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 02/02/2023 22:18

I walk my dog in the day, and it is a local park where there are usually families and other people anyway.

afinishedkiss · 02/02/2023 22:18

I understand completely OP.

RichardOsmansXraySpecs · 02/02/2023 22:19

I feel uneasy walking the dog now because of who maybe lurking in the bushes but also other people's dogs - you never know if any of the dogs are dangerous. Bad times indeed.

AnnieSnap · 02/02/2023 22:20

I understand how you feel. Most of the time DH and I walk our dogs together. The other day we were walking along the river, a lovely area with lots of trees. We go there because it’s beautiful. The trees are wonderful, but obscure visibility. I turned to my husband and said, it would be risky for a woman walking alone in an area like this and women should be able to just go about their business. I reminisced that when I had a Rottweiler bitch years ago, I could go anyway, feel and be safe. I would be walking with her sometimes with large groups of men coming towards me. Due to her, I never needed to divert from math path. They would keep coming without giving way (as groups of young men tend to do), but part like the sea in the bible just before reaching us. Walking my two Toy Poodles is a very different experience. We shouldn’t need a Rottweiler to feel safe. I hope that woman is found safe, but I fear the worst for her.

sageandrosemary · 02/02/2023 22:22

I understand and feel much the same. I do feel like I'm being dramatic but I just don't feel generally safe walking around alone, especially at night. I just don't feel safe as a woman, really, maybe it's all the news...

Swimswam · 02/02/2023 22:22

Could you do a self Defence class. Or learn a marital art?
C arry a rape alarm - at the least it makes a noise and may startle an attacker
And something to spray in an attackers face.

misslonglegs · 02/02/2023 22:24

Sazzling · 02/02/2023 22:15

Plus the whole Andrew Tate thing, angry Incels. It feels like a scary time. Like, probably nothing will happen on any given day, but what if it does one day?

On one of my regular walks, I sometimes see a guy. I think there is something odd about him and he scared me a few times, especially as he was sometimes off the path and would join it from the woods. I've seen him enough now that I don't pay him much mind, but I still think he is an oddball.

But what do you do?

In this case I’d probably change route/times

OldSkoolLikeHappyShopper · 02/02/2023 22:25

I think for your own sanity, you need to keep it in perspective. Yes very occasionally something awful will happen to a lone female walker, but think of the millions of women every day walk alone without incident, the chances of anything bad happening are tiny.

I think the media creates a moral panic about this kind of thing but it’s up to you how you respond to that. A bit like the perceived risk of child abduction being greater, thanks to the media, when in fact it’s no higher than it was in the 70s. Statistically, a child would have to sit on a wall for 10,000 years before someone abducted them, that’s how rare it is.

Also, if there is some weirdo lurking around planning a murder or sex attack, the fact that you have dogs (no matter how small and fluffy) works in your favour. If you’re a weirdo sat in the bushes waiting to pounce, then someone with a dog is never going to be such an appealing target as someone without a dog, so it makes sense to wait for an easier option.

Don’t be afraid to life your life. The chances of anything happening to you are far less than the risk you take driving your car, for example.

SapphireEyes88 · 02/02/2023 22:26

I understand, but I think you need to nip it in the bud. If allowed to spiral, this could make life very difficult for you. Additionally, you may transfer your anxiety to your dogs, which would create a whole other host of problems. Please look into local mental health services as I think you'd benefit from some CBT for your anxiety.

Olidora · 02/02/2023 22:29

I always walk my dog in local parks .We do have beautiful countryside around here but I have never felt safe on my own .

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 02/02/2023 22:29

I feel the same. Live rural, no dog owning friends to walk with and 99 % of the time very rural forest and beach and mountain walks. Never ever bothered me and being doing it for years and years but lately been walking leas and feeling vulnerable. Always drop a location pin and share tracking with my sons now just in case.

raffegiraffe · 02/02/2023 22:31

I've started to feel like this too. I've started to worry someone might work out my routine and follow me. I saw someone in the car park where I park to walk in the woods and instantly had that thought. A few days later on .y walk, a jogger came quite close behind me and I jumped out of my skin. This is before the lady went missing. Not sure why I'm suddenly feeling more vulnerable.
I spoke to my husband. He said yeah you're right, you're probably too old to get attacked but you look young from a distance

PeanutButterSmoothie · 02/02/2023 22:32

Do you think you'd feel as scared if you'd never read anything online and only reacted to real life experiences or things communicated to you in person?

I often think the media doesn't help at all.

MrsAvocet · 02/02/2023 22:33

I understand your feelings. I don't have a dog but I go out for a walk or bike ride on my own most days and I have been feeling a bit nervy recently. I live in a very low crime area and it's very quiet, which is nice, but also a bit worrying sometimes. The other day a white van drove passed me a couple of times and then on the third pass stopped. Of course they were just lost and looking for a house where they were going to do some work (no house numbers in our village so it's a common problem) but it dawned on me that had they wanted to abduct me then there would have been nobody to even notice, never mind help me.
But I know logically that i am unlikely to come to any harm so I try to take sensible precautions, choosing where and when I go with care, and try to put it put of my mind. I do have a tracker on my phone. I know they are not popular here and of course they have their limitations, but once when I had an accident it was really useful as it made it very easy for DH to find me. We can't live our lives in constant fear of everything that could happen though and I benefit a lot from going out regularly, so I try not to worry. But I do understand your anxieties OP and sympathise.

Original poster
GoneToday · 02/02/2023 22:33

I agree with posters that I probably do need to try and nip it in the bud and the statistics are reassuring but it’s hard to rationalise against fear. Thank you for the practical advice and tips too. I had not considered spray and an alarm they are good suggestions. As is sharing tracking although I’ve only git my friends and it would feel a bit intrusive texting them when they are at work to say I’m off for a walk!
I just think it’s horrifying as females how much our daily experiences are curtailed through threat of male violence.

OP posts:
NoseyNellie · 02/02/2023 22:34

I second the pp who said to take a self defence class - I’ve done a couple over the years but the best one was a couple of hours long and the first hour was dedicated to risk assessment, preparedness and (believe it or not) practicing shouting. As women we are raised to be quiet and it really does help to get into the habit of making noise (I find car journeys pretty good for shouting without scaring the neighbours). Walk tall, be aware of your surroundings - carry something that would allow you to create distance (umbrella, walking stick).

HareAndBear · 02/02/2023 22:36

I realised how isolated one of my walks is. We have to remember how rare this is and yhtabwe don't know what happened.

Minfilia · 02/02/2023 22:36

I don’t walk my dog in the dark.

I go along main roads/paths where there are other people.

I wear one AirPod instead of two.

Can you do these things to feel a bit more safe?