To have become terrified of dog walks

[GoneToday]

I absolutely adore my dogs and walks are (or were) the highlight of my day.
I walk them in a variety of lovely
places - very rurally, semi rural and also in large parks. I’ve walked dogs my whole life.
I mostly walk alone as I don’t live locally to any dog owning friends and I work shifts so it’s not easy to arrange regular dog walking friends as my times vary.
The last couple of weeks I’ve began to feel very uneasy on dog walks, the trees and fields that used to feel peaceful and beautiful have begun to feel ominous and almost foreboding.
I know there has been a poor missing woman who has vanished from a dog walk, plus a local sex attack in a very ‘safe and quiet’ village field in daylight.
However, I have heard horror stories before and although I’ve felt awful for the individual I’ve never felt personally under much threat.
My dogs are small, soft dogs and are no way physically protecting. I feel at my whits end.
I’m not prone to drama or excessive anxiety but Aibu to feel that dog walking as a lone female is not safe?
Maybe IABU, I just can’t shake the feeling and it’s genuinely ruining my life which sounds dramatic but I don’t know what to do with my dogs now as I spend walks feeling scared. I do have complex trauma history but that was decades ago and I’ve walked dogs happily for years since then.
Any thoughts welcome.

I fell in the woods and broke my ankle while walking alone with my dog. I hobbled home in agony and was laid up for months..
Since then I've felt very vulnerable and realise how easy these accidents can happen. I only stick to local pavements and local park for walks now.

I'm more worried about out of control off lead dogs than I am about dangerous people.

I'm a dog walker and I'm out on my own for 5-6 hours a day. I've never once felt scared because of a person but I've had multiple dicey encounters with dogs who won't recall from my terrified, reactive on lead dogs.

YANBU. Being a woman is shit, frankly. We are scared all the time. With good reason.

On dog walking - go to a different place every day, well lit. Stick to parks and suburban neighbourhoods if needs be.

On anxiety- to stop it getting worse tell your GP and seek therapy. You don’t want it spiralling.

I must admit that this last week, since the lady went missing on a dog walk, I’ve felt more aware of how vulnerable I am as a woman walking alone.
I walk my dog early, often before sunrise at this time of year, and through woods and on a common. It’s quite rare to see anyone else at that time and if I do it mostly seems to be females out walking dogs.

We’ve also had some incidents in our area where groups of men have tried to steal dogs out who are out walking with their female owners, this isn’t Facebook gossip as it happened to a neighbour. One of her dogs was actually picked up and carried away before her other dog intervened and went on the attack which caused the man to release it.

I feel the same, op.
We have fields and woods two doors down from our house and I often take Dd, 4 and the dog there, but only to the wide open part (only into the woods when Dh comes with us)
But now I’m even worrying about our short walk across the field, there’s a dirt road that runs near it to the beach, a few cars come down, but aside from that it’s really quiet. I really resent it making me feel like this though as we love these walks and Dd likes to climb trees and pick flowers etc. I feel like carrying something with me, so horrible to have to think this way

I'm often happier when the weather is crap...cos I tell myself the weirdos, pervs & thugs are less likely to be arsed to venture out & loiter. Very rural where I live and I drive to different woods/fields/beach etc.

But...I always 'trust my gut' and will turn round and get straight back in my car when I occasionally get that odd, creeped out feeling.

But big, off lead dogs are my main worry.

Hi OP,
I live in a very rural, small village.

People meet at the crossroads every day for walks at 9am and 3pm sharp - if you want to come, you turn up on time. With dogs or without, men or women - we all know each other - it's not "advertised" anywhere. It works great. We go where none of the older women would go on their own. There is a disused railway track which is a nature walk 15 miles long which you have to traverse to go further, but unfortunately there are very occasionally dodgy people there, especially in summer. I have a fear of gangs of male youths hanging around from being a little child and I can't stand them.

Could you organise something like that? You don't even need a man with you if there isn't one - just safety in numbers. I've lived in the country much my life but would no longer go up into the wilds on my own as I can't outrun or fight any attacker any longer. I'm too old.

That's actually decent advice. I cringe when women talk about learning self defence. I kickboxed for 10 years and I don't care how good you are, outside of being sporting etc in the gym, a 15 stone man will just walk through the kicks of a lighter woman. We played with stuff in the same space of the gym, and the strength and weight difference is huge - so much that workouts and techniques don't mean that much.

Not trying to be a downer. I just thing it is best that people are realistic.

Your husband needs to look at the stats. Older and even elderly women get attacked too. It’s not about sex, it’s about power.

It's not safe. I wondered why this ladies husband didn't say to her he felt unsafe with her walks.
To document it on fb as well. Very risky.

I think that the perceived danger and the actual danger are quite different. Statistically, it’s no more dangerous than it has been in the past - it’s just easier to report crimes now; and media penetration (especially social media) mean we hear about it more and more. And algorithms target your media based on your demographic, so it isn’t surprising that you’d hear a lot about women being attacked, since you are a female. Also, confirmation bias - you have an intrusive thought about being attacked, then you hear news stories about women being attacked, and it sticks in your mind because you already believe you are at risk.
One thing I would say is make sure you are savvy about what you do - alternate your route, don’t be distracted, and all that jazz. Apparently the missing lady frequently posted the route she walked on Strada, along with photos - and had taken a photo exactly where her phone/dog were found.

Could you bring a walking stick or some spray that could be used in self defence?

I walk in a country park, which isn’t very busy but I might see five or so other walker, some of whom I know. It’s an on-lead park which I prefer.

Last week at the local park a dog was attacked and a man was bitten trying to grab the attacking dog.

I’ve got a K9 dog defence spray which you can get from the police supplies website. You can get a lanyard and clip it to your bag so it’s easy to grab. I did have a separate one for humans but I decided that I’d mix them up in an emergency so I just carry the dog spray and I’d use that for humans too. I’m still wary but it gives me a bit more confidence. One of my little dogs would make an awful lot of noise if anyone threatened me so hopefully that would help a bit.

I worry about my mum, she is 70 and walks rurally on her own, everyday. Different routes but still. She will not listen to my concerns however.

I'm also quite twitchy at the moment, the town where we live has really rough elements and I feel tense everytime a man walks up fast behind my toddler and I. Everything feels more threatening at the moment.

This is rubbing me up the wrong way. It’s not her husbands place to police her movements - she wasn’t doing something inherently dangerous. Millions of women - and men - do the same thing each day. Let’s blame the attacker (if there is one - although admittedly it does look likely, sadly) rather than the woman or her husband.

Im with you on the posting it on social media thing though, it’s the point that her husband should have somehow stopped her that is annoying me.

This is something that I often worry about while walking my dog in the woods behind our house. I’m usually alone with her and sometimes I just feel uneasy. After Sarah Everard I bought a rape alarm and it lives in my ‘dog walking bag’. I had stopped taking it for a while but I think after this incident I will be making sure I take it out again. It’s terrible that we live this way as I’m sure men rarely, if ever, worry about something as simple as coming home safely from walking the dog. Very sad times.

I don’t have a dog but know what you mean about walking; ever since Aisling murphy was killed out jogging INTHE DAY I’ve felt way more aware of my vulnerability. It’s depressing and means I’m much more limited with walks, particularly in winter after clocks change…
am in ireland www.midwestradio.ie/index.php/news/63963-a-year-ago-today-offaly-teacher-aisling-murphy-was-killed-while-jogging-in-tullamore

Exactly. Was going to say the same.

People are not put off by dogs Rachel Nickel was attacked with a toddler and a dog.

I think I must be different somehow to others here. I always feel safer when I'm somewhere isolated and alone with the dog.
In my head, it makes sense.
The dangers of life mostly come from human beings, places with less human beings, risk of harm goes down. So I'm happiest up the hills or in the forests with just the dog and no one for miles, of I go to town or a pub or club that's when I feel vulnerable and anxious.

When I was younger, my partner at the time bought me 2 gifts because he was concerned about my walks. A big torch made of metal that security guards carry and an alarm with a cord you pull out and it lets out a high pitched alarm.
How much help they'd ever be, no idea, but I hung the torch from my belt and kept the alarm in my pocket...just in case.

Right…but my point is the chances of anything happening are tiny. These become massive news stories because they are so rare and unusual. If it was happening every day or even every week it wouldn’t be newsworthy at all.

It depends on the dog. Neither of my dogs were aggressive but both have barked on command, which would perhaps make someone more likely to let me go - again, it would depend how remote the dog walk was as to whether realistically someone would hear us.

Oh come on, a man could just overpower you.
Just don't go walking on your own out of the sight of the public.

This.

And too many others too.

I moved to somewhere rural because I was attacked in London. I was followed home from the train station, along a busy main road at 6pm, and was grabbed from behind. I felt uneasy on the walk home (10 mins from station to my house) and kept turning round to check behind me but they must have kept hiding in hedges etc as I didn’t see them. I told myself I was being silly and then I heard footsteps getting closer and closer behind me. It still terrifies me now remembering it.

Anyway, so I moved somewhere rural thinking I’d be away from all that and yet the fear has stayed some 20 years later. I don’t walk anywhere where there aren’t other people now. I only enjoy the fields etc with my husband and other people. It’s a very ruined life. Ruined by some worthless piece of shit. But the fear is very real. I don’t know the point of me posting really but I guess I’m saying, I understand.

Why is it annoying you what's wrong with a man worrying about his wife, when she's doing lonely dog walks.
Even if I wanted to do it which I don't I'm sure my partner would say he didn't want me doing that.
He would probably offer to come too.
Nothing wrong with looking out for your loved ones.