To have become terrified of dog walks

[GoneToday]

I absolutely adore my dogs and walks are (or were) the highlight of my day.
I walk them in a variety of lovely
places - very rurally, semi rural and also in large parks. I’ve walked dogs my whole life.
I mostly walk alone as I don’t live locally to any dog owning friends and I work shifts so it’s not easy to arrange regular dog walking friends as my times vary.
The last couple of weeks I’ve began to feel very uneasy on dog walks, the trees and fields that used to feel peaceful and beautiful have begun to feel ominous and almost foreboding.
I know there has been a poor missing woman who has vanished from a dog walk, plus a local sex attack in a very ‘safe and quiet’ village field in daylight.
However, I have heard horror stories before and although I’ve felt awful for the individual I’ve never felt personally under much threat.
My dogs are small, soft dogs and are no way physically protecting. I feel at my whits end.
I’m not prone to drama or excessive anxiety but Aibu to feel that dog walking as a lone female is not safe?
Maybe IABU, I just can’t shake the feeling and it’s genuinely ruining my life which sounds dramatic but I don’t know what to do with my dogs now as I spend walks feeling scared. I do have complex trauma history but that was decades ago and I’ve walked dogs happily for years since then.
Any thoughts welcome.

In terms of self defence I'd agree that trying to learn to fight men is pointless due to the massive strength (and usually aggression) disparity.

I've studied quite a few martial arts over the years - MMA, Krav Maga, Kali/Filipino boxing were the ones I got half decent at. Have done a lot of hard sparring with head gear/gloves, often against men. The first two styles are mixed styles so I also learnt techniques from Brazilian jujitsu, western boxing, and Thai boxing, etc.

For pure 'self defence' (not the same as 'fighting') I think things like Krav Maga are the most effective as they focus on things like situational awareness and drilling quick and effective 'dirty' techniques like ramming fingers right into the eyes, headbutting, and then legging it. But really you won't get proficient unless you commit the time and train with intensity (and lots of schools are pretty shit too tbh).

IMO the most effective art by far for women is Brazilian jujitsu because it's 99% rolling around on the ground and controlling your opponent, so very good at helping avoid getting pinned and raped, especially if you incorporate dirty techniques like biting/pulling ears and clawing/poking eyeballs.

You'd think grappling would favour physical strength more than striking arts do, but whilst it can certainly help sometimes, especially with beginners, BJJ is actually designed to use leverage and allow a weaker individual to fight somebody heavier. When the UFC was style vs style (before everybody started cross training in 'mixed martial arts') the Gracie brothers who created BJJ went undefeated for eight years straight.

There's a video online of one of the early BJJ masters defeating a huge aggressive 250lb bodybuilder whilst weighing only 150lb himself. He smothers the guy's punches and tires him out pretty easily.

A lot of women would likely be put off rolling around with men and the high amount of close bodily contact. However, generally clubs don't tolerate dodgy guys and if you find a good club where you feel at home it can be a really good experience. Alternatively, you could maybe try and mainly train with women but also spar with your partner/husband, but as with most things you need to put in loads of effort to get good. Probably more effort than most women are prepared to commit, but if you want to answer to dealing with men then this is probably it.

One vs one it's pretty much the best single art but not good against multiple attackers. Hence, men are usually advised not to take a street fight to the floor due to the risk of attacker's friend kicking them in the back of the head etc. But for women the main risk imo is being raped.

A few links. Ignore the egregious claim that you can learn it online (surprised to see somebody clearly so proficient claim this and really they should be ashamed)

I wanted to mention the addition of a lighter.. But thought the post would be removed!

There is a risk of ''blowback'' if that's the right term, so probably not that safe.

Knowing my luck, I'd set myself on fire.😆

It’s very scary being a female, it shouldn’t be but it is.
I think it’s scarier now than it ever used to be, simply because we’re more aware of what does happen thanks to the news.

I don’t know if it’s been suggested OP, but have you thought of carrying an air tag? It might help knowing that you’ll be traceable, not that we should have to resort to airtags!

Our small and slender Mum when she was in her Forties escaped a Military would be rapist by biting him HARD on the shoulder.

She said she was pinned down, next to a ravine {South of France}..she had tried to talk her way out of it {She speaks French} but the man was having none of it.
Mum said she was very clear headed, and thought ''I must stay alive, and not fall down the Ravine''... She wanted to mark him in case she was killed.

After the hard bite that broke the skin, he got up and rode off.
Mum was so lucky that he didn't hurt her in retaliation.

The bite probably needed medical attention.

Once one is on the floor, one is at a huge disadvantage, so the techniques you mention sound good..but as you say, physical fitness and practice is necessary.

There's that lady missing but then they go and put the Rachel Nickell doc on tonight who was on a dog walk. Bad timing I thought.

Attack happened in the Massif De l'Esterel. Mum was out walking, taking pictures of wild flowers.

Wow, sounds like he didn't expect her to take the initiative.

Yes, in terms of BJJ (and martial arts in general) there isn't really any shortcut. But they do work, with the caveat that no two encounters are the same and an individual that would win 9/10 times can get poked in eye/kneed in groin/bump head whilst falling etc.

BJJ really is a great art though. I did struggle to put submissions (joint locks etc) on most men tbh due to their strength, but they also struggled to submit me as a decent practitioner is a bit like an octopus as you can see in the video. Hard to pin down and hard to punch as they smother you - obviously these videos weren't involving striking but when used in mma matches it still works as striking doesn't have much power when your opponent is basically hugging you.

Even now, having not trained for a few years, I'm pretty confident the large majority of men would struggle to rape me as I'm good at tangling people up. In a real situation you'd do something like use your bodyweight/leverage to force their arm out the way and ram your thumb right into their eye socket. With untrained people this would often be quite easy as they're totally unused to how to grapple and usually try and push against you rather than use leverage.

The odd thing is that grappling usually doesn't look as flashy to the uninitiated as stuff like kung fu (which ironically usually isn't anywhere near as effective as plain old boxing). But there's a lot of technique/strategy going on, even if it's admittedly not as fun to watch as striking arts.

A really basic example would be the little girl in first video at the 55 second mark. The boy is trying to get around her guard, presumably into 'mount' position (sitting on chest), but she keeps spinning and using her legs to keep him away, pushing on his hips. This is really basic but is the kind of thing that would stop a rapist getting on top of you and possibly allow you to get out or trip them up etc.

I hear you. Stories like the poor lady missing is worrying when you walk your dogs alone. But remember how many women walk dogs daily with no concerns. I have an attack alarm hanging off my dog walking bag which I can pull the cord on if need be. Thankfully for me even though my dog isn’t a huge vicious breed he would definitely try and attack anyone who tried to hurt me.

I rarely walk alone now, met a local lady in the park one day 5yrs ago and we are great friends now. We walk daily on the weekends. If I do walk alone I avoid the woods and stick to the open fields. I wouldn’t go deep into the woods alone personally.

The only way I enjoy my walks anywhere is having a massive dog. Without one, I don’t think I would really walk anywhere that wasn’t very public!

My favourite thing to do is go for a long ramble with my dog. We properly explore, going off the beaten path and finding new areas together. Noone knows where we are and it doesn't bother me one bit.
I'd never let fear prevent me from doing something so good for the soul.

Remember, the person who is statistically most likely to harm you is the man you live with.

But what do you do?

You remind yourself of facts.
Women being assaulted, raped and/or murdered are overwhelmingly done by men they know.
So if your not afraid of your dad, boyfriend, husband, sons (there is a rise on sons killing their mothersamp.theguardian.com/society/2023/jan/15/women-killed-by-sons-violence-children-parents-britain-abuse) , male friends or co- workers, then why be scared of men you don’t know?
Statistically you’re mire safe around men you don’t know.

nij.ojp.gov/topics/articles/most-victims-know-their-attacker

www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1994-01-31-mn-17362-story.html

Weird, I have had dogs all my life ( I'm in my 50s), and never felt anxious about walking them. I actively avoid it now, this is due to being wary of other untrained dogs/ aggressive owners ,and perceived threats. It's very strange I don't know where it's come from but it seems that since the pandemic there's been a change in people s behaviour,

Extremely irrational to decide that because One woman in <decades of dog-walking> goes missing while dog walking that therefore now dog walking is inherently too hazardous.

Relying on a fierce dog is also irrational, mind. I have my own story where that failed for my mother, but I don't want to feed the thread fear.

There's no chance I'd carry on this route.

I agree with you, self defense is great for confidence and for tips on how to stay safe but if you're attacked by a man then honestly it won't be much help. Men are physically far stronger and physically resilient. 😞

I haven’t read the whole thread so apologies a) if someone else has suggested this and b) for it being a bit left field but could you be menopausal, OP? I’ve found that I’ve lost so much confidence and spend time second-guessing and overthinking things I would have done without a second thought a few years ago.

Not that YABU to be influenced by tragic media cases or the epidemic of VAWG, but just wondering if you’re feeling more vulnerable generally now, and that’s why these particular recent events are playing on your mind more than the (sadly, rage-inducingly) endless reports of women being attacked or abducted that have preceded them throughout your life.

Actually that's sadly not true there have been several, but also many people haven't said its been fuelled by NB but over the past few weeks/months have felt generally more uneasy. I know you seemingly think its enjoyable or gives you a feeling of superiority to belittle or mock people, but perhaps actually read what they post first?

Absoutely - perhaps the men should keep women behind closed doors all the time. Just to be safe after all. 🤔

No. Women should not be imprisoned and restricted for the behaviours of men. Your focus on change should be on the men's behaviour - men are responsible for these attacks, not women, not their family members - every attack is a decision made by a man to attack a woman.

Curfews and trackers on men perhaps?

You're not alone, I have two soft dogs (great description and very apt) also feel unsafe walking them so I joined a local garden garden/parkland where dogs are allowed. Is there somewhere not too far from you that you could join? Otherwise carry a walking pole and a small can of hairspray!

Keep walking, don't lose the habit. If it helps choose slightly more populated areas but how about looking for other "women walkers" who might also like a bit of company until your get past this anxiety? I doubt you are the only one feeling a bit unnerved by the attack.

Leonbergers! Such gorgeous dogs ❤

OP you are not being unreasonable. I walk a lot too, alone, with earbuds. I live sonewhere that is considered 'safe' but still, I always try to have my wits about me. I feel pretty safe though where I walk...so far.

It's shit isn't it, the feeling of not being safe.

They were often on my mind when my daughters were smaller. I would be out walking with my dog and daughters and suddenly think of Lynne Russel, and feel absolute horror and fear.
The stats feel meaningless really, it either will be you, or it won’t. I know it is highly unlikely that I will come to harm while out walking , but over the years I have been followed, both as a child and as an adult. I have been flashed at several times, and groped. In my twenties I was attacked by a boyfriend in my own home, the most likely dangerous scenario for women. I live rurally and ironically felt safer out walking in cities, with people always about, but the Sarah Everard case has changed that too.
I often feel jealous of DH, who walks a lot at night with the dog, and doesn’t worry, while I feel uneasy even being in my own garden late at night if DH is away. I am definitely more fearful since having my daughters because anything that happens to me also would hurt them. This feels like a primal fear to me, the need to stay safe to also protect my children.
As I now have teenager daughters, there is also the fear for them as they go out and about in the world.

@Scalottia the Leos would do nothing but run away if something happened but I think the sheer size would put most people off.

I do have a little German shepherd tucked behind them though which tends to do the trick if I do come across any weirdos 😄