To have become terrified of dog walks

[GoneToday]

I absolutely adore my dogs and walks are (or were) the highlight of my day.
I walk them in a variety of lovely
places - very rurally, semi rural and also in large parks. I’ve walked dogs my whole life.
I mostly walk alone as I don’t live locally to any dog owning friends and I work shifts so it’s not easy to arrange regular dog walking friends as my times vary.
The last couple of weeks I’ve began to feel very uneasy on dog walks, the trees and fields that used to feel peaceful and beautiful have begun to feel ominous and almost foreboding.
I know there has been a poor missing woman who has vanished from a dog walk, plus a local sex attack in a very ‘safe and quiet’ village field in daylight.
However, I have heard horror stories before and although I’ve felt awful for the individual I’ve never felt personally under much threat.
My dogs are small, soft dogs and are no way physically protecting. I feel at my whits end.
I’m not prone to drama or excessive anxiety but Aibu to feel that dog walking as a lone female is not safe?
Maybe IABU, I just can’t shake the feeling and it’s genuinely ruining my life which sounds dramatic but I don’t know what to do with my dogs now as I spend walks feeling scared. I do have complex trauma history but that was decades ago and I’ve walked dogs happily for years since then.
Any thoughts welcome.

A decent self defence class isn't just about physical defence, but making you more aware of your surroundings and how to ùtilise your voice etc to give you more confidence in situations. When I worked in London I worked for a company who paid for us to have self defence classes- mostly women but men were able to go too. It was brilliant, obviously it isn't a magic solution but I'd recommend them.

OP I don't know if it's the weather, the general mood with the problems with the cost of living etc but there does seem to be a gloomy cloud about imo. I've had a few instances recently where I've found myself feeling uncomfortable in places Ive never thought twice about going before. I'd say there is a balance between following your instincts and acknowledging at what point it might tip into anxiety etc that you'd want to nip in the bud.

It's almost 20 years back, but I remember when Abigail Witchalls was stabbed whilst out walking with her young child. She was pregnant as well and luckily her baby was OK. Abigail is paralysed. She seemed as though she is/was the nicest person anyone could hope to meet.

I walk with my dog in places where there are people. I never go in the fields/woods alone with the dog - always with dh. My dog would try to protect me but he is small so he would not be able to.

If I want to go a walk myself, I’ll do it, regardless if my partner wanted me to or not. And if he suggested he came with me I’d say no. He can do his own damn walk.

Walking alone isn’t inherently dangerous. Rapists/murderers are dangerous. And thankfully, there aren’t many of those around, no matter what the media makes you think.

I've always felt pretty invincible, but much less so recently. Completely understand that the risk hasn't increased, I'm normally very logical about actual v perceived risk, but I just feel uneasy out walking now.

Are you perimenopausal/menopausal? A sense of fear/impending doom/heightened anxiety is a symptom.

@GoneToday I have never owned “Physically protective” type dogs , either.
In fact, my Lurcher attracted trouble from gangs of Travellers.

I too nearly always walk alone.
I had a young man stalk me once in the woods adjacent to fields -
My gut instinct said “ Get away”.

I did.

Avoid woodland if you feel unsafe

I saw a flasher in on a sunny Sunday afternoon, It made me jump- I shouted “ Hey Mark! There’s a pervert! A PERVERT!!
( As If I was with someone)
and doubled back.

It’s a great shame we can’t arm ourselves with CS gas or bear spray like people in USA can.

Mum was nearly raped in the South of France one sunny afternoon walking on her own near the house -

She bit her attacker hard- and amazingly he stopped and rode off ( He was on a small motorbike)

( Military dressed)

It’s alarming being a woman.

When one gets older, the hassles hopefully ease off.

Always follow your instincts.
In an altercation, go for the eyes.

But be mindful of your surroundings.

Sunny afternoons seem particularly bad in my experience.

You have a duty to your partner and family to try and keep safe if that means no rural walking alone then so be it.

It's not safe it's been proved, a family is in the position where they Don't know where their loved one is tonight.

Op you can’t worry about things that may happen, you’d never go anywhere otherwise. I take my dog out alone at night all the time , I don’t worry about anything happening because I know it is highly unlikely , I live in a city for context but run where it’s nice and quiet for my dog to be offlead. I hate that women are looked at as weak creatures that are scared of their own shadow. It’s no more dangerous now than the past. Please enjoy walking your dogs and getting fresh air it is good for your mental health.

I shudder to think what might have happened to her. What might be happening. But we just have to carry on, right?

I feel the same. I like to walk my dog down by the river, but although it is close to a road it can very suddenly be extremely quiet. I feel uneasy there if there are no other dog walkers about.
I do know a tiny woman in her early seventies who quite fearlessly walks her dog there alone in the dark , and I wish I felt so at ease but I don’t.

I don't have dogs and am rarely out walking somewhere terribly isolated on my own, but I've definitely become much more anxious about situations like this over the past few months. There seems to be a constant stream of terrifying news stories, including local ones. Was this all happening 20 years ago but I felt it would never affect me, or has there actually been an increase in these awful situations? I don't know, but it's all giving me a real sense of unease.

We have young kids and as a result I find I don't get a chance to socialise with friends as much as I used to. But I met up with friends for a rare night out over Christmas and I actually asked DH to pick me up and to get someone in for an hour to sit in the house with the kids, as I felt really uneasy getting a taxi home on my own (we live a bit out of town and in the opposite direction to friends). That would never have bothered me before.

Actually I feel more comfortable lately - out more after dark which I would not have done a few years ago when I first moved to my rural location. I think once you start to have the idea that something is dangerous it is hard to snap out of.

And if you come across a lone police man on or off duty you just can’t trust them anymore

So sorry you feel this way.
i understand you. Could you do more daytime walks in residential areas? Or maybe walk with others? Even a group,of you?

I don’t have dogs but I do constantly risk assess as best I am able walking alone. But I shouldn’t have to do it. Men don’t. However one practical solution might be to try to set up a local dog walking/chat/coffee group?

:(

This is all too common and it’s just horrific.

I was followed once and I can still recall the fear now.

I was attacked in a bakery by a random FEMALE stranger.
( Again, sunny afternoon)
While recovering, I watched a load of self defence videos
Situational Awareness is vital.

If someone looks dodgy or is giving off vibes, get the heck away.

ASP on you tube shows many videos of attacks ( caught on CCTV) from around World) and how situational awareness really can help prevent such things.

I do carry a short blackthorn stick on walks now- ( Heavy) it gives confidence.

Men do have to worry actually.

It’s all about the balance of risk. I will happily mooch about in local nature reserves/woods with our large black greyhound (who is generally soft but has teeth like a chainsaw and could easily knock someone over) but I hope would defend me - and is likely to put off attackers who might confuse him with a Doberman….I don’t walk far off road in the pitch dark and leave that to sons/husband. Luckily I’ve never felt at risk in nearly 3 years of dog walking.

Agreed.

Not as much or in the same way as women.

Everything is dangerous to a certain extent. You need to strike a balance between living your life in fear and living your life.

The vast, vast majority of people are perfectly safe when they go a dog walk. Actually, you are at more risk staying at home, because you are significantly more likely to be attacked by your own partner than you are to be attacked by a stranger.

news.sky.com/story/off-limits-who-is-most-likely-to-kill-you-11734990

Men are significantly more likely to be murdered than women.

Only 5% of women are murdered by a stranger
www.bbc.co.uk/news/explainers-56365412.amp

I've had about ten times in my life walking in this country and abroad where I have seriously feared for my life, with very good reason. The most recent was 6 years ago, down a country track near where I live, three strange men in a car drove past slowly , disappeared, doubled back, pulled up and tried to drag me into the car. I lost 4 teeth in that encounter and ran like the wind over the fields of crops and hid. I have more horrible experiences like that because I have been on the planet a long time.
It is dangerous being a lone female all over the world, and always has been. Everyone knows it and that's why all tribes since time began have protected the women, whether they want or like it or not.

We are not allowed in this country to carry anything for real self defence. When I was young, women carried a handbag size can of Elnet. Masturbating flashers and perverts were very common then, even at school the men would come to the back of the athletics fields and do it there. Horrible when you're only 12 or 13 to see that.

If you feel fear or unease, don't medicalise it! Trust your gut instinct because it's there to save you.

We live near woods - ideal place for walking/jogging/biking exercise. But I've never felt safe so never use them without my husband alongside. And then only rarely. Once upon a time, I might have felt safe walking solo with a large dog - we had Alsatians as kids- but not these days with the untrained macho pit bull type animals about. Sad reflection of the times we live in.

Oh come on. Yes men do get attacked but if we’re talking about lone people being attacked/sexually assaulted and potentially murdered then women are virtually always the victim.

My husband doesn’t have to worry when walking down the street at night. I do. It’s as simple as that.