To have become terrified of dog walks

[GoneToday]

I absolutely adore my dogs and walks are (or were) the highlight of my day.
I walk them in a variety of lovely
places - very rurally, semi rural and also in large parks. I’ve walked dogs my whole life.
I mostly walk alone as I don’t live locally to any dog owning friends and I work shifts so it’s not easy to arrange regular dog walking friends as my times vary.
The last couple of weeks I’ve began to feel very uneasy on dog walks, the trees and fields that used to feel peaceful and beautiful have begun to feel ominous and almost foreboding.
I know there has been a poor missing woman who has vanished from a dog walk, plus a local sex attack in a very ‘safe and quiet’ village field in daylight.
However, I have heard horror stories before and although I’ve felt awful for the individual I’ve never felt personally under much threat.
My dogs are small, soft dogs and are no way physically protecting. I feel at my whits end.
I’m not prone to drama or excessive anxiety but Aibu to feel that dog walking as a lone female is not safe?
Maybe IABU, I just can’t shake the feeling and it’s genuinely ruining my life which sounds dramatic but I don’t know what to do with my dogs now as I spend walks feeling scared. I do have complex trauma history but that was decades ago and I’ve walked dogs happily for years since then.
Any thoughts welcome.

@NoseyNellie As if self defence poses & kicks are going to help against a strong man throwing his arms around you tightly and dragging you powerfully and quickly! Come on....

I agree with sticking to daytimes but what hasn't helped my anxiety is that this poor missing woman went at 9:30am! 😳

I'm lucky enough to have a GSD so don't feel nearly as vulnerable while walking. She hates anyone walking behind us...she stops, turns and watches while growling. That's usually enough to put anyone off stalking us. But on a night walk, in the park, I'll carry a can of pepper spray. I know it's illegal, but I have it anyway. I also have a small baton hanging from the treat bag. That's in case we're attacked by a dog and can't get it away.

No, of course not - and most men would also be caught out by a sneak attack. The point I was making was about victimology and reducing your risk (since eliminating risk totally is impossible). The attacker is ideally looking for someone quiet & compliant - they don’t want fuss or noise. As women were encouraged to take up as little space as possible - to be polite - to not challenge men. I distinctly being told when I was a young teen that if I was attacked I should ‘let him do what he wants - better to be raped than dead’… Well f*ck that - I will go down fighting and if I do end up dead I work at least have the bastards dna under my fingernails.

I have been feeling as you do for quite some time. Due to my own lived experiences and news items reporting of women who have been attacked, I will not venture out walking on my own, unless on residential streets, and then only in daylight hours.
Its such a shame, but what is the point of walking somewhere like a park, field, or in woods, if you can’t relax and enjoy it.

I walk my dog in very isolated places as he doesn't like other dogs but he is an enormous German Shepherd and I'm lucky that I feel very safe with him. Do you have any dog owning friends that you could walk with? Maybe walk in busier areas? Hire out an enclosed dog field? The ones I use you can drive in and lock yourself in.

I spend a lot of time on (calm) rivers. As soon as I saw that river in the telly footage I knew it had to be a suspect.

YANBU to feel that way at all. Just this week the place I often walk my dog (giant breed) had a guy acting strangely in the distance (daylight hours, around 12pm, no one else was around at this point so I did a U turn and went a different route - followed my gut instinct and walked towards a woman with two small dogs.) I just won't walk in a park if there's no one else around. I never walk in isolated areas on my own either.

Meant to add that I deliberately vary the route and time of day I walk my dog but still feel same way as OP. Makes no difference.

I walk my friends boerboel who is about 65kg and a unit of a dog. I walk him (on lead) in a very remote area fields with a ruined mansion house because he's still growing and not good etiquette with other dogs but we're getting there. There are farms that i can see close by. I'm still unsure but he would 100% protect me as I'm part of his family if that makes sense. There had been someone sleeping rough in the ruined stable block, he sensed them before me and had his hackles raised. I thought he'd seen a deer or rabbit. He was puffing and making a noise, not growling, he positioned himself in front of me and stopped dead, the chap emerged and saw us and went back into the ruin. I was glad I had him with me.

There was someone murdered whilst walking their dog in a completely random attack in my village.

I still walk my dog day and night alone. How could you live in fear of others? You'd never do anything.

I think you should seek help for your anxiety OP.

Completely understand. Sad fact. I too used to walk my dogs in local woodland but no longer. Just realised how vulnerable I am. Ditto local fields. I now stick to roads and well used areas and don't walk early on dark winter mornings.

The police news conference today sounded like the current case of the missing woman doesn't involve another person and is sadly a tragic accident (involving the river).

I understand the fear though. I live near lots of green space but don't feel confident going anywhere isolated on my own. I'm not fit enough to outrun most men or strong enough to defend myself physically. There have been a few local incidents and assaults in recent years, so it doesn't feel like an unfounded fear.

Nothing is ‘safe’, but dog walking is not a highly risky activity. Don’t let fear rule your life.

I don’t own a dog but I do like going for walks. I have stopped walking on quieter residential roads or secluded quiet parks and woodlands, I park up in a busy area and walk there. Too many weirdos and not enough law enforcement or harsh sentences has meant an increase in crime overall.

Completely understand the fear, I feel the same now after being followed on a dog walk by a man, who I found hiding in a hedge spying on me in the middle of no where. Yes really. Could have been an innocent explanation, but I had a bad feeling and picked up my dog and ran back to the car as fast as my legs would carry me. Could you drive to a more populated area or join a local dog walking group etc? Not read the full thread so sorry if those have been suggested already.

You are not allowed to buy or carry any spray like pepper spray however a very effective and legal alternative is hairspray.

I sympathise with you. I will never innocently go for a walk, as I think of all the dangers out there after my own experience too. All because of one sick f*cker trying to intimidate me because I am female. It really does make you angry.

My dog weighs in at 65kgs, she is huge. But even still I don't feel completely at ease on walks during the day unless there are other dog walkers in the vicinity.

You’re quite right. I believe dogs have a sixth sense for danger. I was waiting at a traffic light and my whippet started pulling the lead and biting it and barking. There was a man at the other side of the crossing I then realised it was him he stressed about. I pulled him to the side of the road and let the man cross and waited, my dog was shaking and his mouth was going up and down. I’ve never seen him act like that before. The man wasn’t bothering me and I didn’t feel threatened in the slightest but there was something that my dog didn’t like about him. Needless to say he walked off hurriedly in the other direction (probably perfectly innocent thinking my dog was an arsehole!)

Have you not seen the news though? They don’t think it’s foul play at all. They think she’s drowned in the river. On her own no attack involved at all.

I remind myself that attacks happen in broad daylight in built up areas so walking through the forest is no riskier.

I listen to my instincts but equally am not going to make my own prison through fear.

Relying on a fierce dog is also irrational, mind. I have my own story where that failed for my mother, but I don't want to feed the thread fear.

This is apparently true. A lot of dogs that fail the police dog tests do so because they're not willing enough to bite simulated criminals - and this is German shepherds that are generally quite well suited to guarding/protection etc.

A lot of dogs will bark but not actually attack.

My sister moved back in with me after a break up she came with her puppy in tow. We walk her every night in the Forrest. Me my sister and DD9. The dog is a scaredy cat so no protection from her. My DD was not feeling good tonight so my sister said she would walk the dog alone (both have done the walk alone in the day) she was about to leave without her phone and I was like please take it and the torch. She called me a few minutes later and I shit myself. She said she felt a bit creeped out tonight on the walk so she done the 'short' walk she had no idea why she felt that way. The dog isn't good walking near roads or cars and is scared of every human so this walk is ideal for her. Its so scary these days xx

Alongside BJJ, I think Kali is perhaps the best form of defence. It teaches you to fight effectively with a knife and you practice full speed with face/arm guards and wooden/blunt metal knives.

It's legal to carry a knife with a blade up to three inches long. Not much use to the typical stabby chav as far too short, and also likely to fold in on your fingers with stabbing motions (lock knives are illegal over here).

However, a decent Kali practitioner will be very proficient in slicing attacks, also from up close and if grabbed, and in worst case scenarios stand a fair chance of opening an artery/neck etc. For standard defence, slashing at the face would be a pretty good deterrent, especially if you can cut the forehead and cause them to bleed into their eyes. If they grab you, quickly slash their wrist etc.

Nasty but very effective stuff.