To have become terrified of dog walks

[GoneToday]

I absolutely adore my dogs and walks are (or were) the highlight of my day.
I walk them in a variety of lovely
places - very rurally, semi rural and also in large parks. I’ve walked dogs my whole life.
I mostly walk alone as I don’t live locally to any dog owning friends and I work shifts so it’s not easy to arrange regular dog walking friends as my times vary.
The last couple of weeks I’ve began to feel very uneasy on dog walks, the trees and fields that used to feel peaceful and beautiful have begun to feel ominous and almost foreboding.
I know there has been a poor missing woman who has vanished from a dog walk, plus a local sex attack in a very ‘safe and quiet’ village field in daylight.
However, I have heard horror stories before and although I’ve felt awful for the individual I’ve never felt personally under much threat.
My dogs are small, soft dogs and are no way physically protecting. I feel at my whits end.
I’m not prone to drama or excessive anxiety but Aibu to feel that dog walking as a lone female is not safe?
Maybe IABU, I just can’t shake the feeling and it’s genuinely ruining my life which sounds dramatic but I don’t know what to do with my dogs now as I spend walks feeling scared. I do have complex trauma history but that was decades ago and I’ve walked dogs happily for years since then.
Any thoughts welcome.

I live rurally and used to walk dogs alone on rather unknown footpaths. I never met anyone ever and therefore felt safe but this has changed since the lockdowns and the increase in people working from home. I think new places and routes have been discovered and there has been a noticeable increase in the number of single male hikers about.

OP have you considered looking into apps so a partner, friend or relative can see your walk in real time, and see whether you arrive back as planned?

There are probably other apps that do this, but I use the Strava running app which has a "beacon" feature - it allows you to nominate a few contacts who get a text with a link to follow your journey in real time (they don't also need to have the app, as they get your journey as a web link).

I use it if I am going for a run in an isolated area, or even if I am just walking home solo at night. I know it seems a bit OTT, but it takes away that "it would be an hour or so before anyone noticed I was missing" fear.

I regularly walk on vast deserted beaches and hills.
I have been unnerved recently when out in isolated areas to discover a single male in the far distance who starts walking towards me.
There would be no reason for anyone to approach me.
In both instances I started to zig zag about randomly and the male continued to try and catch up with me.
It would have been obvious that I was trying to elude him.
I felt each time that he realised that I was bothered by his presence and was trying to scare me.
Fortunately although I’m middle aged I am fit and I ran away, although feeling rather foolish.
Each time there was no possible reason why a man in the far distance, in the middle of nowhere, would suddenly want to track a lone female and her dog.
There are some very unpleasant men about. I have started to stay in more populated areas for my walks. This makes me feel both furious and impotent!

It fucks me off so much that I think like this. The 89752 TV shows and movies that depict a woman being followed or found dead in a wood doesn't help.
I do hold one of my dogs when people (men) walk past and we are alone and say to the dog "it's alright be good" and say to the bloke "don't worry I'll put her on the lead". Stupid dog just wags but it makes me feel better and thye often speed off!

I'm surprised that so many of you wear ear buds while off walking in isolated areas.

How would you hear someone coming, even someone safe like a cyclist or runner?

It’s vile that this happens.
It’s power.
Bloody creeps

Your story on the beach reminds me of the old film “ Oh whistle and I’ll come to you, my lad”

A solitary figure when we are otherwise alone that’s following is indeed infuriating.
And Alarming.

So sad that women have to think and live like this. I wish that there was a solution 😞

I turn the noise cancelling off, I can hear other people quite well, I have to be able to because there are lots of cyclists/horseriders/runners in the forest where I walk.

I was out walking with my children the other day we go along a fairly well used track for walking/cycling. But it got to 4 o’clock and started to get dark as the walk had taken longer than expected. We had to pass single male on two occasions - coming towards us. And both times I was so scared. I wanted to turn back and go a different way. But I wasn’t sure what to say to the children I don’t want them to feel the world in a scary place. They were completely oblivious chatting away and as he got closer and closer I felt worried and then so relieved once he had passed. It’s awful we have to feel this way. He was probably a perfectly nice man, but you just feel you can’t be sure.

Off to buy a can of hairspray as my hair needs some hold..

YANBU. I sometimes watch women walking tiny york or maltese dogs and it's my thought exactly that in fact you're in charge to protect the dog. If something happens you're screwed. I wouldn't be too worried walking German shepherd or other big and protective dog though.

She was a ‘Dog Walker’ walking 6 dogs. So they were not her own and tragic as it is, it was irresponsible to be walking so many together. She couldn’t be in control.

Impressed by your self defence knowledge @PeanutButterSmoothie interesting videos!

My son did get attacked a few years ago by a stranger. He takes more taxis now but it doesn’t stop him going out, and I would be sad if it did.

For my own part, some of the nice moments of my life are taking walks in the country, and I am usually on my own or with my dog. I’d hate to think that I could no longer do this. I don’t judge others who won’t, but I do think we still tell women that they are more unsafe ‘out there with strangers’ and that this discourages our freedom, when actually it is statistically more likely that men are attacked (by other men, like my son) and we wouldn’t tell them to stop going out.

On a practical note, on the rare occasion that a random stranger attacks, I’m not sure there is much we could do (women or men). I felt that when my son was attacked, nothing he could do he was overpowered quickly. But I have had men try and either mug me or attack me a few times and avoidance and quick action did save me. So it’s worth acting!

For example, twice I’ve been grabbed, once abroad I was grabbed in broad daylight in a foreign city, in daylight, and pushed against a wall by a man. It was near a touristy area but in an alleyway type place.

I absolutely screamed my head off in a really aggressive way, shouting ‘fire’, ‘get off me’, and I wriggled and moved around as much as I could. It felt really weird to do it, even then in a way my body was not wanting to be so dramatic as I’m quite a quiet, introverted person. But what I think it does is spell ‘trouble’ to the would be attacker. Who knows I could have been unlucky and my attacker would not have stopped, no matter what I did.

But I think many attacks are ‘escalations’ - so I think being a very difficult ‘victim’ who attracts possible attention, or makes it difficult to even be grabbed in the first place (running/avoiding) raises the risk for the attacker and that might be just enough for them to decide that I am not a good ‘victim’. Some attackers do seem to look for easy prey - so don’t be easy prey.

I’m sorry but this is unfair to all women. How can we say what is/isn’t safe? One woman has gone missing which is utterly heartbreaking, but if God forbid something terrible has happened to her as a result of a third party then it certainly isn’t her fault or responsibility. It’s the fault of the criminal who hurt her (although I’m still hoping against hope that isn’t the case).

One woman going missing doesn’t mean that all women should never venture outside alone again. I walk or run outside most days. I have dogs but they are older now and can’t/won’t walk as far as I do. While I agree with trying to stick with busy/populated routes that isn’t practical when you live in the back end of beyond. I’m busy and it’s already difficult enough to fit my outdoors time in around the daylight (there are no streetlights anywhere nearby) so if I had to drive to go for my walk or to run it probably wouldn’t happen.

I’ve had a few moments when I’ve scared myself with the sound of wood cracking, trees rustling or the odd ‘strange’ (but usually perfectly lovely) man on the same path as me but I truly love and need this time in fresh air so I’ve had to think logically and accept that the chances of anything happening to me are tiny. And fwiw, my dh was far more worried about me running alone when we lived in a city. He doesn’t think twice about it now because it’s so peaceful and rural.

I’ve read the advice from a pp to take a self defence class and I think that may be useful, I use a tracker in case of accident and I’ll continue to wear my Aftershox so I’m aware of my surroundings. But I refuse to stop spending time on my own in beautiful surroundings. Bottom line for me is that even with the anxiety it can bring, I do feel better outside than sitting at home. And surely my first duty is protect my own mental health so that I am able to support my loved ones to
the best of my ability.

No. But I have a large German Shepherd that is very alert to strangers and looks the part, so I'm not worried.

I understand because I try not to go running in the dark for this very reason. I drove past a woman running in the dark (only 5pm but obviously dark at this time of year) a few weeks ago and she was running through a really dodgy area alone with headphones on. She also had dark clothing which isn’t the safest. I wasn’t sure whether she was brave or stupid, veered towards the latter. I tend to run in daylight and stick to main roads.

Do have to remind myself that random attacks are vanishingly rare, you’re most at risk from your own partner statistically.

Can I ask why it’s likely? I thought the police had said they don’t suspect foul play. Tbh will know a lot of stuff they haven’t realised so I think the fact they’ve said this makes it very unlikely.

I feel the same, having been attacked over 30 years ago, plus having quite a few nasty experiences since.

Women shouldn’t have to live like this, but what on earth can be done about lone weirdos hanging about? They are and have always been a fact of life; the car enabled them to spread their evil around whereas in past times they would have been “known” in their area.

I agree wit pp that since lockdown there are far more walkers and joggers: sadly a lone male always puts me on high alert. Poor ds enjoys a walk but says he feels for women and does a big thing of crossing the road/giving them a wide berth if he encounters anyone. Mind you, a young fellow in the street randomly punched him last week so I suppose we are all vulnerable

Your lovely Whippet might surprise you.

I was once walking our two very soft and very daft small dogs in the dark near our old home. It was rural but definitely a residential area with pavements, mostly covered by street lights and several houses along the route so I felt quite safe.

I was just coming up to a particularly dark section of the route when the softest, daftest of the two went absolutely ballistic barking, snapping and pulling to get at something behind me. Other daft dog quickly followed suit. I jumped out of my skin and turned around to come almost face to face with a runner who got far too close (at least that was the assumption I made at the time, I’m not so sure now). I hadn’t heard him coming at all and couldn’t believe he’d managed to get so near without me noticing. Whether he was a danger to me or not, my usually over friendly dogs terrified him and I think he’d think twice now.

Up until that point I’d always thought that if something went wrong I was on my own with that pair. It was very reassuring to be proved wrong.

I was visiting my parents last summer and took my 4 or 5 month old baby out for a walk through some fields. I had him in my arms and the whole time I was walking I wasn't enjoying this time with my son, I was thinking of Julia James. Men are scary.

I grew up watching crime thrillers where it was a female victim and male stranger most of the time. As a result I have never felt able to walk alone in countryside so will always stick to open busy parks and streets. I also hate walking after dark and limit it as much as possible It is worth noting that the risk is very small but if it happened would be so catastrophic I won't risk it. This is part of being female for me which I think men just cannot understand.

I do dog boarding, so I always have lots of dogs to walk. You just need to be sensible. My winter routine is different to my summer routine. In the summer, I do my first walk at 7am. In the winter, the first walk is much later, as late as 830am, because I won't go out in the dark. In the summer, dogs have their dinner at 5pm, followed by a walk. In the winter, dinner time is 330pm, so the dogs can be walked whilst it's still light. I don't go in to the woods alone. There's absolutely no need. Stick to well lit, busy places. You can always find grassy areas that are over looked by houses.

Ignore your gut at your peril OP.

I'm terrified of my elderly mother walking her dog. She won’t hear of my concerns though, laughs them off! She goes through woods and everything!