To have become terrified of dog walks

[GoneToday]

I absolutely adore my dogs and walks are (or were) the highlight of my day.
I walk them in a variety of lovely
places - very rurally, semi rural and also in large parks. I’ve walked dogs my whole life.
I mostly walk alone as I don’t live locally to any dog owning friends and I work shifts so it’s not easy to arrange regular dog walking friends as my times vary.
The last couple of weeks I’ve began to feel very uneasy on dog walks, the trees and fields that used to feel peaceful and beautiful have begun to feel ominous and almost foreboding.
I know there has been a poor missing woman who has vanished from a dog walk, plus a local sex attack in a very ‘safe and quiet’ village field in daylight.
However, I have heard horror stories before and although I’ve felt awful for the individual I’ve never felt personally under much threat.
My dogs are small, soft dogs and are no way physically protecting. I feel at my whits end.
I’m not prone to drama or excessive anxiety but Aibu to feel that dog walking as a lone female is not safe?
Maybe IABU, I just can’t shake the feeling and it’s genuinely ruining my life which sounds dramatic but I don’t know what to do with my dogs now as I spend walks feeling scared. I do have complex trauma history but that was decades ago and I’ve walked dogs happily for years since then.
Any thoughts welcome.

Personally I would tell someone about him. Tell your partner, family or friends about him. His height, hair colour, distinguishing features, where he comes out of the woods etc. Write it all down and just give it to them on the understanding that you'll probably never need it, but if anything happened, you'd want him to be looked into.

Genuinely, why do people suggest taking up martial arts classes or similar? Great for mental and physical wellbeing but not so much if a bigger/stronger male is intent on attacking you?

I’ve only got my friends and it would feel a bit intrusive texting them when they are at work to say I’m off for a walk!

If you tell them you’ve been feeling this way - not when they’re at work, obviously, but in conversation - I’d be amazed if they didn’t offer to have you text them anytime, or come up with a system.

My great-grandma would “give 2 rings” to her daughter (my gran) to let her know she was home safe - women alone have always been vulnerable, and other women have always understood and looked out for them.

I’d understand if you were my mate, OP. Don’t write it off.

I haven't felt safe walking my large breed dog in the dark for years.
And I know she will try to protect me should someone attack me.
She's never hurt anyone before but she's warned a few men off before that were following too closely, by barking at them.
She never usually barks at people so she probably sensed my discomfort.

I know for a fact we were followed on two occasions over the last 5 years, I took odd turns and doubled back on myself and they were still following. The first time I managed to turn a corner and hide. I could see him stop and look for us for a few seconds, before carrying on in the forward direction.
The second time I approached a woman who was smoking outside her front door and asked if I could stand with her as someone was following me, and I pointed to him. He heard and turned round and quickly walked away. Her husband walked me the rest of the way home bless him.

After the second time I stopped going for walks in the dark, even at 5pm in the winter.
I wonder how many men worry about being followed and attacked by women.

Not only that, but some people are just plain rubbish at it.
I was forced into Judo as a kid for "self defence". I was shit at it.

Stranger danger is, I guess like Red Riding Hood, a fear that is usually disproportionate and for me as a woman I will not let this keep me at home, or only ‘escorted’ to feel safe. I do understand that it can ‘feel’ more scary, but as women most of our risk comes from people we know, family and our relationships.

Stranger danger is more likely to be attacks men on men (and more violent).

I don’t walk my dog alone through the rural fields near me anymore. Last time I did it, I’m broad daylight, I felt so uneasy and fearful for the whole walk.

My Dad said of my first dogs ( Whippet and Lurcher) that they wouldn’t be able to defend me ( True) .
But they went ballistic one night when someone tried to break in, bless them!)
A local woman has a huge Doberman
Now that IS a useful looking dog for a lone female.
My dog is only about 11 kilos, and would not be able to defend..
Too sweet and gentle.
A good Well trained Malinois or GSD Dobe or Rottie is ideal if one can manage a heavy powerful dog.

Only 5% of women are murdered by a stranger
www.bbc.co.uk/news/explainers-56365412.amp

The text says 60% of women knew their suspected killer and the chart says 5% were killed by strangers BUT it also says that in 33% of cases no suspect was charged so the actual figure for women killed by strangers could be anywhere between 5 and 38%.

I agree with this. I don't blame anyone for taking whatever precautions they choose. But personally I'm not gonna let a very small risk, and media sensationalism, stop me doing something I greatly enjoy.

I would too, tbh.

Totally understandable OP!
I have a German Shepherd.... it eliminates alot of that anxiety for me thankfully!
How about a panic alert on your phone, wearing hi viz and a body camera?

I feel exactly the same, there are just too many weirdos about, you def don’t need to nip it in the bud as some are saying. It’s totally rational and your feeling like this due to totally natural and logical instinct. I’ve actually always thought women who walk alone for miles through woods and out into fields on their own are bonkers. Just do what feels safe to you.

However I do understand that it can feel vulnerable. I’ve travelled to risky places on my own (where there is a fair amount of stranger danger!), and if it helps anyone, these are things that I used to do:

• always be aware of your surroundings. Listen to headphones in a busy park in the day or in town, but take one headphone off if it’s quieter and light is low.
• if you ever feel in the least bit wary, trust your instincts. Attach yourself behind or near to other people as they are walking, change your path, go on your phone to a trusted person, keep away from anyone that you feel odd about. Walk confidently and with purpose.
• I have gone up and struck conversations with ‘safe’ looking people eg couples, even making something up like ‘I seem to have lost my watch can you see it?’ If I have ever felt unsafe about anyone else near me. Don’t be afraid to take immediate action.
• Avoid dusk or dark, avoid the same routes.
• Look at the local police website for hotspots of crime.
• Work out what you feel is safe and OK for you and don’t mind what anyone else thinks.

When I mean risky places - I mean going abroad! Not the local park.

I walk my dog and their predecessors where this lady has gone missing . You do feel very cut off and are out of earshot of civilisation and lots of trees and undergrowth along parts of the path so you are hidden (and people could hide) and its a place you can only walk onto and walk off , too rough for cycling even really. So no quick way of getting out of there and sometimes when its quiet and no other dog( or just walkers ) are around l have suddenly felt vulnerable there.
My immediate thoughts were someones clocked her same routine on her own with a 'soft' breed of dog. But no way of getting on or off there in a vehicle without walking out on foot to fairly busy open road or onto a car park along long little paths so what would they have done with her without being seen?
A lot of people are surprised the police have only asked for dashcam off the road around the time she entered the path from the road and not any time later same morning /day to establish if she was spotted to walk out in either of the only two exits (obviously without her dog at that point). If not then something obviously happened to her within that river walk area.

I walk my dog (whippet, so def not a guard dog type!) through some local woods during the day. It is quite isolating, but it’s also usual for me to come across at least two or three other dog walkers. I just feel that it’s very rare for a woman to go missing in the same circumstances as the poor lady in the news atm. That’s why these stories make the news - because they happen rarely.

Definitely agree. All sorts of people with criminal backgrounds in their own countries have come in here unchecked in the last few years and you don’t know who you’ll run into, even in sleepy villages and towns. I just think of Ashling Murphy in Ireland who was brutally attacked and murdered on the spot when out for a run around 4pm. There are many other similar happenings. I guess it’s our new normal.

Totally get this. I yearn to go for the long lonely dog walks i used to, but nowI feel too vulnerable. It seems to have worsened with age.
Sarah Everard scared me. I think it is an instinctual feeling and we should listen to it. Misogyny is rife.

I have very large dogs - 60+ kg each and I often feel uneasy walking them alone in the woods/fields near me. I like to think their sheer size would be enough of a physical deterrent but I always think of Lyn and Megan Russell who did have a dog with them. Sadly it doesn't always make a difference.

I’d agree- Men are so much more powerful than us.
My son at 13 could lift me off my feet like I was a feather-
A grown man would be much worse.

Self defence in terms of situational awareness is useful.
Always listen to gut feeling , they are always right.
If something just doesn’t feel right, go with that feeling, and get away.

Shouting and making a huge noise can help.

Green Places near towns can be a bit “Edgy”
for some reason.
Truly rural places feel safer( To me anyway) - literally touched 🪵 wood.

The PP who advised varying your routes and your times is spot on.

Dogs of that heft ought to keep marauders at bay.. Better than my little Whippet!

The last couple of weeks I’ve began to feel very uneasy on dog walks, the trees and fields that used to feel peaceful and beautiful have begun to feel ominous and almost foreboding.
..then in the last couple of weeks, something around you has changed. I've no idea what the danger is that you sense (as you don't), and it could be something perfectly innocuous, but you're definitely sensing something very wrong - you may never even know what it was.
In the meantime however, do not ignore this kind of intuition and I STRONGLY recommend changing your routine (definitely locations!) for a while, at the very least until the feeling passes.

Not to dismiss people's fear, because fear doesn't have to be rational, but statically isn't the biggest threat your husband/partner by a large margin? If so, you're literally much safer walking in the woods than you are at home.