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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to insist on exclusive breastfeeding

299 replies

closingtime101 · 02/02/2023 17:00

Hi all. My daughter is 6 months old and so far I have exclusively breastfed her. I have been out a handful of times in those six months, and each time I have left expressed milk in a bottle for her. She does tend to get quite upset on these occasions so it is rare for me to leave her. I like breastfeeding and I am lucky that it has been easy for me.
The issue is that my daughter is very attached to me and reliant on breastfeeding for comfort & sleep. It has led to my husband feeling frustrated that he can’t settle her and my parents have said several times that they don’t feel she knows them very well or is comfortable with them “because she is breastfed”. In addition to this, she is very wakeful and wakes every hour and a half / two hours in the night wanting to be fed, which I do swiftly, often not waking my husband up. My husband thinks if she had a bottle she wouldn’t wake so often as many of the formula fed babies we know sleep through the night.
I have been feeling a bit of pressure to stop breastfeeding from my husband and my family. Nothing overt, but lots of comments like “it’ll be easier once she’s weaned” and “we’d love to babysit, but while she’s being breastfed it’s hard”. We started giving her food last week and she is not at all interested yet, which I think my husband is sad about as he felt he could get more involved.
I feel as though everyone thinks they would have a better relationship with her if I stopped breastfeeding her. I am worried that it is me being selfish wanting to continue breastfeeding because I enjoy it; I love the time with her and the bond I feel; selfishly it is a lot easier than sterilising bottles etc, and it’s cheaper. I am also the one who is with her all day and all night and breastfeeding always settles her - it’s the greatest weapon in my arsenal! I know my husband enjoys being able to feed her and he has asked me to express a bit more so he can. I know it sounds silly but it’s been so cold at home I haven’t wanted to sit in the expressing bra! But I know one solution would be for me to express daily so he could give her a bottle and feel more connected to her. Another solution would be to move to combi-feeding, but I am reluctant to do that as she hasn’t had any formula yet and I am weirdly proud I have managed to sustain her for so long. I know that last part sounds so stupid, but I’m being honest, it’s how I feel.
Am I being unreasonable? Should I move to combi-feeding or bottle-feeding so others can feel more connected to her?

OP posts:
ReamsOfCheese · 02/02/2023 17:02

It doesn't sound like the issue is your baby being fed breastmilk exclusively, but rather, that they can't get her to take a bottle (of breastmilk). In this case, putting formula in the bottle isn't going to solve their problem and I'm not sure why they would think otherwise, so YANBU.

LittleLegoWoman · 02/02/2023 17:03

Don’t. You don’t want to so you’ll resent everyone pushing you to move to formula/more expressing. Put your DH in charge of weaning instead. She will gradually get more interested in food.

picklemewalnuts · 02/02/2023 17:04

No, carry on breastfeeding. Any adult that wants to bond with your child will be able to find ways. DH did all the bathing and bedtimes, for example, as I have back problems.

Try and separate what they say from your emotional response to it.

If they say 'it will be easier to babysit when she's weaned', just say 'yes, I expect it will.' Don't accept any implied criticism- it may not actually be there and if it is, shrug it off.

VegMam · 02/02/2023 17:05

The benefits for mother and baby if breastfeeding up to 2 years are well documented. If you’re happy to continue I think it’s selfish of others to pressure you to do otherwise.

Burgoo · 02/02/2023 17:05

Do what you want, it's your body!
Personally I don't believe in telling women what to do re: this. I don't believe in shaming non-breast-feeding mothers but I also respect some mothers prefer to.

LittleLegoWoman · 02/02/2023 17:05

Even if she never has any formula at all, and you keep breastfeeding into toddlerhood, it will still get easier for other people to look after her over time as she eats more. You could choose to introduce cow’s milk in a cup when she’s 12months whilst keeping up the breastfeeding.

Burgoo · 02/02/2023 17:06

@VegMam

My daughter would have bitten my wife's boobs off!

MangoBiscuit · 02/02/2023 17:08

Oh ffs, she's only little. There's plenty of time for grandparents to babysit later. And as others have said, a bottle refuser is going to fuss whether it's expressed or formula.

strawberry2017 · 02/02/2023 17:08

Don't see the harm in expressing so your husband can feed her more.

Cileymyrus · 02/02/2023 17:08

You’ll be surprised how much easier it gets when she’s a bit further along with weaning. You’ll be able to leave her a bit longer, as her cater will be able to give cereal, yogurt etc if she gets hungry.

I remember my family saying the same, then I went back to work at 7 months, she was still ebf, and none of the separation anxiety etc they warned me about if I didn’t stop bf.

I’d also point out to your dh you don’t want to ff, he will have to get up in the night and do it. So he can choose, put up with the bf, or ff himself.

formula won’t make the difference they think it will.

I also don’t get why some people think bottle feeding is necessary to bond. There are plenty of other things they can do. I suspect feeding is easier than having play with the child or change nappies though …

Merryoldgoat · 02/02/2023 17:09

Well I think several things here are true.

Yes, she may not be as easy for them to babysit or settle because area currently breastfed.

So what? She won’t be forever and when she’s weaned (when it suits you and your baby) then they’ll be able to do more.

Also, that FF babies sleeping better stuff isn’t true and 6 months is very young for sleeping long stretches anyway.

My boys were FF - the oldest didn’t sleep through until he was nearly 4.

Childre · 02/02/2023 17:09

You don't need to stop at all, it doesn't sound like anyone is suggesting that. But for example your DH also wants that bond with her, the post seems to detail what you want and what you like and what you don't want and don't like. Personally, I think it would be nice for my DH to be involved too. Whether that's expressing, or combi feeds.

custardbear · 02/02/2023 17:09

Whilst I agree bf is beneficial, I think it's time to let others bond too. You could express more, and you could let others be more involved, and personally I'd say it's a bit selfish to make excuses. Express and have sone 'you time' so others can have sone baby time too

OMGidontbelieveit · 02/02/2023 17:11

strawberry2017 · 02/02/2023 17:08

Don't see the harm in expressing so your husband can feed her more.

it’s time consuming, a pita, some people can’t express, and can affect supply.

the child also doesn’t want to take a bottle.

but the husbands wish to bottle feed tops all that right?

Ponderingwindow · 02/02/2023 17:11

your family is trying to sabotage your breastfeeding relationship. I would tell them in no uncertain terms that the opinions are unwelcome and will not be heard.

there is no reason to add formula to the feeding mix unless you personally do not want to breastfeed or are unable to do so. Your baby will be eating more solid food in a matter of months.

You can continue to use breastmilk as the primary source of milk as long as you and your child want the relationship to continue. Those are the only two opinions that count.

Beseen22 · 02/02/2023 17:11

I felt a bit like this either my first, it does mean you have to be the one doing everything but it's such a short term problem. If you are happy to keep bf and do all the settling and it's working for you crack on. If you want some support then give your DH the chance to find ways to settle the baby (does she take a dummy? We found that if nursery bounced my son on a bouncer with a light scarf of mine to cuddle like a comforter worked). My DH is now much more hands on with our kids that they are passed that stage and the split is much more equal.

Ignore anyone else with the complaints. My mum always said "oh if you weren't breastfeeding I'd be able to help you with an overnight" "if he was on Cow and Gate I could take him out for you"...he's now 6 and not had breast milk since in 5 years and she's still never managed to take him for any time so I would take their claims with a pinch of salt!

GroggyLegs · 02/02/2023 17:11

Absolutely carry on breastfeeding but I think you're being a bit precious about the no formula stance at 6 months.

Shes going to start weaning onto solids very soon - you say you've already tried - and formula is only another type of food, plus it'll remove the PITA of expressing. Win-win.

You might want to consider getting her straight onto a soft spot cup BTW, rather than bottles - mine were bottle refusers & while frustrating at the time, it saved a job later!

strawberry2017 · 02/02/2023 17:12

@OMGidontbelieveit don't know which post you just read but seen as you have made up things I didn't say I'll assume it wasn't mine!

Clymene · 02/02/2023 17:13

You carry on feeding your baby the way you want as long as you want. It's best for her and if you're happy too, that's all that matters.

Stopping breastfeeding to let other people 'have a go' is the very worst reason for doing it.

Cileymyrus · 02/02/2023 17:13

custardbear · 02/02/2023 17:09

Whilst I agree bf is beneficial, I think it's time to let others bond too. You could express more, and you could let others be more involved, and personally I'd say it's a bit selfish to make excuses. Express and have sone 'you time' so others can have sone baby time too

She doesn’t need to express for others to bond or have “me-time”

the child is 6 months old. She can go out and others can bond giving her dinner, or a yoghurt.

or you know, they could play with the child and bond that way. They’re 6 months so fully capable of interacting.

Flowersintheattic57 · 02/02/2023 17:15

@Burgoo don’t be daft, babies are perfectly able to still breastfeed when they’ve got teeth. Two of my grandchildren did until they were three, and there was no biting involved.

Catsonskis · 02/02/2023 17:15

I’m really surprised people are saying you should express or ff so husband can feel closer.

I’ve ebf both my daughters and daddy is their favourite person! You bond over more than just feeding. Tbh when I’m feeding I’m 99% of the time on my phone! I bond by playing, singing, cuddling, pushing pram and chatting to them….same as my husband does.

also not everyone can express, I tried really hard last time and got fuck all, it made me sore and anxious. Then baby refused it anyway.

bussteward · 02/02/2023 17:16

Carry on doing what you’re doing. I breastfed my daughter til she was two and her dad started settling her once she was through the eight month regression; they bonded with bathtime, sling time, playing, feeding her solids. He didn’t need to feed her milk to bond with her.

Don’t let other people’s relationship with your daughter threaten your own: you’re the primary carer. Other people matter but not as much as the primary relationship. Also anyone trying to persuade me to stop breastfeeding for their own benefit would keep me breastfeeding for a decade, out of spite.

LittleLegoWoman · 02/02/2023 17:18

custardbear · 02/02/2023 17:09

Whilst I agree bf is beneficial, I think it's time to let others bond too. You could express more, and you could let others be more involved, and personally I'd say it's a bit selfish to make excuses. Express and have sone 'you time' so others can have sone baby time too

Nope. This is not a decision where anyone else except the mother gets a say. And sometimes the baby has very clear ideas on the matter too.

stairgates · 02/02/2023 17:18

Keep breastfeeding, guarantee if you wean her before your ready everybody will just pass her back to you anyway as the reality of entertaining a baby sets in and you will have lost that ability.