AIBU to insist on exclusive breastfeeding

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Hi all. My daughter is 6 months old and so far I have exclusively breastfed her. I have been out a handful of times in those six months, and each time I have left expressed milk in a bottle for her. She does tend to get quite upset on these occasions so it is rare for me to leave her. I like breastfeeding and I am lucky that it has been easy for me.
The issue is that my daughter is very attached to me and reliant on breastfeeding for comfort & sleep. It has led to my husband feeling frustrated that he can’t settle her and my parents have said several times that they don’t feel she knows them very well or is comfortable with them “because she is breastfed”. In addition to this, she is very wakeful and wakes every hour and a half / two hours in the night wanting to be fed, which I do swiftly, often not waking my husband up. My husband thinks if she had a bottle she wouldn’t wake so often as many of the formula fed babies we know sleep through the night.
I have been feeling a bit of pressure to stop breastfeeding from my husband and my family. Nothing overt, but lots of comments like “it’ll be easier once she’s weaned” and “we’d love to babysit, but while she’s being breastfed it’s hard”. We started giving her food last week and she is not at all interested yet, which I think my husband is sad about as he felt he could get more involved.
I feel as though everyone thinks they would have a better relationship with her if I stopped breastfeeding her. I am worried that it is me being selfish wanting to continue breastfeeding because I enjoy it; I love the time with her and the bond I feel; selfishly it is a lot easier than sterilising bottles etc, and it’s cheaper. I am also the one who is with her all day and all night and breastfeeding always settles her - it’s the greatest weapon in my arsenal! I know my husband enjoys being able to feed her and he has asked me to express a bit more so he can. I know it sounds silly but it’s been so cold at home I haven’t wanted to sit in the expressing bra! But I know one solution would be for me to express daily so he could give her a bottle and feel more connected to her. Another solution would be to move to combi-feeding, but I am reluctant to do that as she hasn’t had any formula yet and I am weirdly proud I have managed to sustain her for so long. I know that last part sounds so stupid, but I’m being honest, it’s how I feel.
Am I being unreasonable? Should I move to combi-feeding or bottle-feeding so others can feel more connected to her?

Weaning is the introduction of complementary foods. Eg you're STARTING to give food that COMPLEMENTS (not replaces) milk.

The gut can't process food for quite a while, it needs to develop the right bacteria to break down plants etc as until then it had only needed bacteria that break down milk. So to begin with the food just passes through and the body slowly gets better at extracting the nutrients.

Keep breastfeeding as long as you like, op. I bf my dd until almost 2, and my son for 15 months. It was a godsend when they were ill and gringey dropping naps etc, instant mollification!

I get the NHS uses this terminology, where I’m from weaning means weaning OFF the breast. Apologies for the confusion on my part.

@Flillyflally I do tend to follow professional guidance and use the terms they use. At 6 months, you wean, which means introduce food. It’s not a new concept.
I can’t be rude for correcting a really silly comment, about a very very very well known term for babies when you tried to correct me first with inaccurate information.

You're not being precious op - you're doing something amazing! I'd stand your ground. After all it's best for the baby and that should be the priority.

My ten month old never has and never will have formula or a bottle. It's my choice. Anyone who doesn't like it can fuck off! Plenty of other ways to bond with a baby.

Plenty of other ways to bond... and breastfeeding will not be forever..

I don’t think you should stop if you want to carry on - of course not! But waking every 1-2hrs would worry me she was hungry to be honest but you have to trust your gut and if you are confident and happy and she is well settled then don’t stop to please others; it’s your choice x

@Sussexlass84 I get where you're coming from, but why is op responsible for her dh's bond with the baby? You're putting the onus for the emotional labour on her.

Aw op I'm really sorry they're pressuring you, it can be so hard to hold firm when you've got multiple people saying it to you!!

I'm of the opinion that you should continue to breastfeed for as long as you want to! Now that your dd is starting to wean she should be able to be left for periods of time without needing milk in the fairly near future and your oh will be able to have that time with her then, and learn to settle her in other ways.

I'm still bfing my nearly 1 yr old (she also feeds for sleep and comfort and feeds a lot through the night to get her back off to sleep). She's always refused a bottle so expressing wasn't even an option for us. I went out in the evening for the first time when she was 9 months and she was fine for her dad, settled well while cuddling him and had no milk at all (due to refusing bottles). I fed her when she woke after I got home. Since then I've been fine going out for the evening/few hours in the day on occasion and she's absolutely fine with her dad every time. Obviously wouldn't really be possible if she wasn't eating a good amount of food and drinking water as she'd be hungry/thirsty, but she is and it works for us.

Please don't stop bfing if you don't want to. It really is such a short time that they need you this much, and your partner and parents will have plenty of time with her when this period is over. And they can absolutely bond right now in so many other ways that aren't feeding her milk! Dp plays with our dd, baths her, dances with her, reads to her, feeds her food etc and has a beautiful bond that has happened regardless of the fact that I breastfeed and she's very attached to me.

Does she take a bottle easily? If so then I dont think a bit of formula will hurt given she will be eating yoghurt and other dairy soon anyway

However, I'm not sure it will have the effect they are looking for. You are the primary caregiver and have the closest bond with the baby and that is not likely to change any time soon. She is quite young for babysitting for more than a couple of hours in any case (unless you particularly want to do this). And even if you did want to give up breastfeeding tomorrow, then youd have to do thos gradually for the sake of your boobs (like deop one feed every week or something).

One thing though, a 6 month old does not need feeding every 90 min at night. I had one like this and it was total comfort and habit feeding and there was a really strong sleep associaiton. she didnt eat any proper food til we sleep trained as she was getting all her calories at night. If you're fine with that then that's fine but it definitely wore me down

A silly comment? As I say, where I’m from weaning means something different. Apologies that I don’t know your terminology, but we don’t all come from the same backgrounds. Jeez.

Like others have said, it’s not an issue if it works for you and your child. Encourage your DH to bond with her in other ways during the day and they will develop their own thing in time. I think babies who are a bit shy/unsure breastfeed more than more confident babies, and then people blame it on the breastfeeding unfairly.

I think there are so many other ways to bond with a baby other than the method of feeding. Especially as they get older, that first 6 months they really just want to constantly feed.
My EBF 13 month old would never take and bottle and I really totally wish he would. We tried every single bottle. It's much easier now he's eating solids as he doesn't feed as often and can leave him with his dad or my mum etc.
Just bare in mind if she doesn't keep having a bottle she may forget how to take one and not have one in the future. That's only an issue though if you are planning transitioning to bottle feeding.
If you are 100 percent happy breast feeding I really think people should respect that and more so, support you!!
There's so many other things your husband could be doing... bath time, play time, meal time now weaning has begun.
My son and partner have an amazing bond and mines never had a single bottle in his life!
I did get some comments when he was younger off family too about "get him on the bottle then we can have him over night " , these kind of comments. I never wanted to spend a night without my baby, no matter how sleepless it's been, but people mistake when you are having a moan about being tired that you want a break from the baby.
Sounds like you are doing great 👍
YANBU

Both my DS's were bf and I'm still feeding DS2 who will be 1 shortly.
It has not affected my husbands ability whatsoever to bond with either of them nor his grandparents!

Simply put your DH needs to find his own way of settling her and thats not going to be the same as you! So feed before you go out then leave them to it he needs to learn his own way be it singing, sling, walk etc etc.

The they sleep better with formula is a complete myth by the way! DS2 had formula overnight when I was very ill at Christmas he woke up more and was harder to settle!

Don't feel pressured into stopping feeding and it's absolute rubbish that it stops other family members from bonding!

YANBU. I breastfed my daughter, who never took a single bottle, until she self weaned at 26 months. Her Dad fully supported me in this and decided that bath times could be his thing and he also sometimes carried her in a sling. He also spent plenty of time cuddling her in between feeds and once on solids, feeding her. Contrary to some opinions on this thread, me breastfeeding for so long, including at night, didn’t mean my life was over, nor that no one could ever babysit, nor that myself and my DH could never go out together. Not to mention the fact that my daughter has an amazing bond and relationship with her Dad.

If you are happy to continue BF OP, then suggest your husband finds his own way to form a bind with his child, it’s entirely possible and BF has huge benefits for you and her.

Quite right, @phoenixrosehere; it’s amazing that if all the ways there are to bond with a baby, the OP’s relatives are choosing to focus on the one thing they cannot do and trying to make the OP feel guilty about it.

Ignore them, OP. A successful breastfeeding journey is far more precious than others being able to give your baby the odd bottle now and then just to satisfy their own selfish cravings.

I breastfed my daughter until she was three, and for the first six months of her life she didn’t really want to go to anyone but me or her daddy. My mother-in-law used to constantly complain about my DD’s “unnatural” close bond with me, and used to always make disparaging comments about breast-feeding (she didn’t breastfeed any of her children). But as my daughter got older, she started exploring the world more, and became happy to go to other people, and DD and my MIL developed a very close relationship.

My husband bonded with DD when she was a baby by actively doing all the other things that you need to do for a baby: feeding me while I breastfed, changing the baby’s nappy, washing the baby’s clothes and nappies, bathing the baby each night. When DD got a bit older, 8 months or so, books became their thing. He would read to her all the time, and she would pick up a book and go looking for him. I didn’t start reading to her myself until she was about 5.

Really surprised to see some comments encouraging you to express if you don’t want to. My DD is EBF (not my choice, actually, she’s a bottle refuser otherwise I’d happily let her have a bottle of formula a day), and I’ve not expressed once this time around because I hate doing it so much. If someone suggested I express for the benefit of another adult I’d lose my mind.

YANBU.

You don't have to feed a baby to have a wonderful relationship and anyway it's not about them.

And it's not for much longer.

My daughter was just like this. I fed her until she was 16 months. I found expressing very difficult and she hated bottles and I didn’t want to leave her anyway. I sleep trained when she was about 14 months as she was waking all the time. She wasn’t keen on solids until she was about 14 months either. It sounds to me like you and your baby are doing brilliantly- your DH can get involved in other ways and everyone else should butt out.

I do think waking every 90mins at 6 months is excessive; either baby is hungry, or has a sleep association and has to be on the breast to fall asleep. If you can cope with this fair enough, it’s your baby and your choice at the end of the day.

Do you even know what exclusive breastfeeding means?🙄

I don't think you should stop BF but maybe consider combination feeding with starting to gently try to bottle feed if you can? I know the baby is refusing the bottle at the moment but maybe try a couple of different brands as it could be down to the feel of the teat? (I use MAM bottles). I started to combi feed my little one from day 3 but I started with just a bottle right before bed and iv built it up and I have found it positive because I still get to bond and baby still gets comfort but also loves a bottle and is guaranteed to be full up from it! Also my partner can feed the baby and I can go and have my own time and I get to sleep through the night because the baby is satisfied from getting the best of both worlds. It's each to their own and every baby is different but I would always advocate combination feeding.

I mean she's 6 months now so why don't they bond with her by giving her new foods to try now that she's eating?

Yes 🙄 but milk they need more than food till 1

Well it's not what my HV said. Milk is more important than food till 1. Food is only to taste. Milk is the main source

No advice on the breastfeeding but I can tell you the sleeping through on formula is a myth. My DS is 13 months old, has been on formula since 3 weeks old and has never slept through.