AIBU to insist on exclusive breastfeeding

[closingtime101]

Hi all. My daughter is 6 months old and so far I have exclusively breastfed her. I have been out a handful of times in those six months, and each time I have left expressed milk in a bottle for her. She does tend to get quite upset on these occasions so it is rare for me to leave her. I like breastfeeding and I am lucky that it has been easy for me.
The issue is that my daughter is very attached to me and reliant on breastfeeding for comfort & sleep. It has led to my husband feeling frustrated that he can’t settle her and my parents have said several times that they don’t feel she knows them very well or is comfortable with them “because she is breastfed”. In addition to this, she is very wakeful and wakes every hour and a half / two hours in the night wanting to be fed, which I do swiftly, often not waking my husband up. My husband thinks if she had a bottle she wouldn’t wake so often as many of the formula fed babies we know sleep through the night.
I have been feeling a bit of pressure to stop breastfeeding from my husband and my family. Nothing overt, but lots of comments like “it’ll be easier once she’s weaned” and “we’d love to babysit, but while she’s being breastfed it’s hard”. We started giving her food last week and she is not at all interested yet, which I think my husband is sad about as he felt he could get more involved.
I feel as though everyone thinks they would have a better relationship with her if I stopped breastfeeding her. I am worried that it is me being selfish wanting to continue breastfeeding because I enjoy it; I love the time with her and the bond I feel; selfishly it is a lot easier than sterilising bottles etc, and it’s cheaper. I am also the one who is with her all day and all night and breastfeeding always settles her - it’s the greatest weapon in my arsenal! I know my husband enjoys being able to feed her and he has asked me to express a bit more so he can. I know it sounds silly but it’s been so cold at home I haven’t wanted to sit in the expressing bra! But I know one solution would be for me to express daily so he could give her a bottle and feel more connected to her. Another solution would be to move to combi-feeding, but I am reluctant to do that as she hasn’t had any formula yet and I am weirdly proud I have managed to sustain her for so long. I know that last part sounds so stupid, but I’m being honest, it’s how I feel.
Am I being unreasonable? Should I move to combi-feeding or bottle-feeding so others can feel more connected to her?

No, she wouldn’t. Babies are sometimes born with teeth, they feed just fine. Average weaning age around the world is between 4 and 7. Baby teeth are called ‘milk teeth’ for a reason, because as we evolved the teeth would have fallen out and developed into adult teeth as children weaned - I is, much older. The NHS, WHO and AAP recommend feeding to ‘two and beyond’. Don’t make up things to frighten women off feeding. Breastfeeding rates in this country and very low due to lack of support.

OP - your baby, your body, your choice. You want to breastfeed exclusively? Go for it. You want to try expressing more? Go for it. You want to combi feed? Go for it. But do NOT let family pressure you into making any decisions you aren’t comfortable with. You will resent them. Breastfed babies bond with others perfectly well. My breastfed son will go off with my parents happily for hours. They’re blaming you and your breastfeeding for a child who just isn’t ready yet. Attachment has bugger all to do with breastfeeding. Do what you feel is right. As your child has more solid foods dad can get involved. Plus there are a million other ways for dad to get involved like bath time, walks, cuddles, playgroups. He just needs to find his own way. Breastfeeding isn’t the issue here.

I breastfed my first two and had such a strong bond with them, but as babies they wouldn't go to anyone else not even their dad, they just cried when he held them and settled instantly with me, which he found really tough. I'm pregnant again and am going to exclusively pump mainly for this reason (other reasons also) as I feel he should get a chance to bond with the baby. if I where you I would express and let him give your baby a bottle, if he thinks this will help with their bond, however some babies flat out refuse a bottle, my second did.

Also, waking every few hours is biologically normal. She isn’t hungry, she’s seeking comfort for a whole variety of other possibilities.

there is an amazing Facebook group called ‘Breastfeeding Older Babies and Beyond’, check it out, you’ll be supported as thousands of women on there have been through similar things. X

@kitcat15 means introducing solids I think. Not weaning off breastmilk entirely. As in they shouldn’t be exclusively breastfed at 6m because they should also be having solids alongside breastmilk.

Anyway, YANBU OP. A bottle refuser is a bottle refuser. In 6 months this will be far less of an issue.

She is 6 months old, so there are lots of other things your partner can do such as try and feed her food! Breastfeeding after 6 months can get a lot more flexible, as she starts to eat more food. I decided at this age that it no longer mattered if they had some formular since they ate food too, and as they didn't like bottles i introduced sippy cups for water and then milk. Now that your supply of milk is established it probably wont matter as much if you miss one feed, so you could use cups of milk for convenience eg when out.

Father yes, grandparents? No. they don’t get a say in how a baby is raised. It’s not ‘respect’, they aren’t the parent, they have no ‘say’. It’s between mum and dad.

There's more ways to bond then over milk FGS. My husband has had a strong bond with both my DC since birth. My eldest BF until 3 and my youngest is still BF at 19 months. In my experience the Dad's that claim they can't bond because of feeding wouldn't like the reality when you stop and leave you to do all the work either way. Then your left in a situation FF when you didn't want to. Feeds will become more sporadic soon anyway.

They will still have more milk than food till 1. Food is for taste till then.

And we wonder why not enough mothers breastfeed in this country.
'OP, you're being selfish.'
'OP, your baby is hungry!'
'OP, what about the baby's dad/grandparents/Aunty Pam/the woman down the road?'
OP, do whatever feels right for you and your child.

They will still be having more milk than food. Food is just for taste till 1. Milk is their main source of food

Meant to add milk is their main source of food till 1.

Same. DH felt they didn’t like him when they were young babies but once they hit the toddler stages and now at 5 and 7, it’s too much love and he needs a break 😂.

You need to wean at 6 months, and stick with it.
if your husband feels like a spare part then you should find ways to give him baby bonding time.
his feelings are valid. This is regardless of how you feed baby.

She doesn't have to is she doesn't want to. I didn't. His daddy can bond with him other ways.

They can fuck right off. You're giving your baby the food that is best for her and suits you best in terms of sleep and convenience etc.

You shouldn't change to suit other people. They're the ones being selfish, to try to interfere with feeding to please themselves.

Formula won't necessarily make a difference to sleep. 18 months ish is a more realistic time to start longer babysitting, overnight visits etc.

Why would you try to weaken the bond between a mother and her baby? Doesn't make sense.

Umm nothing? Why?

@Emmamoo89 the NHS says differently. Unless you know more than they do?

@CantStartaFireWithoutaSpark the NHS recommend breastfeeding till two and beyond. They don’t recommend weaning a baby off the breast at six months.

She doesn’t need to wean. She can start introducing solids but she does not need to wean.

Why does an under one need to stay away from home anyway? I'm not knocking anyone who chooses to do that but if you are happy with the situation why do people think you need to leave your child somewhere else overnight? It's a strange phenomenon where people are seen as weird for wanting their baby with them all the time

You're not being precious by not wanting to give formula or express. It is your body and up to you and your baby how long you bf for.
I combi fed my first (but pretty much FF from early on and she is a total mummy's girl) and bf my second until she was 4. She bonded with her dad/other relatives just fine and I never expressed/gave formula.

Your baby is still so wee it's natural she just wants you, if you are with her the most. Bonding with others and weaning will come in time.

🤣

@Flillyflally from the NHS website:
What is weaning?
Introducing your baby to solid foods, also referred to as weaning or complementary feeding, starts when your baby is around 6 months old. Your baby should be introduced to a varied diet, alongside their usual breast milk or first infant formula.

honestly! The boob brigade are out in force 🙄

the baby still needs milk. Duhhh!! But solids are introduced at around 6 months.

AsI said, introducing solids at six months yes. Your comment suggested she ‘had’ to wean - ie, wean off of milk. Wean to me (and to another commenter who replied to you) means coming off milk, clearly it’s something different to the NHS.

nothing to do with the ‘boob brigade’ (how utterly condescending) and everything to do with letting some parent how they want to. No need for the rudeness either, please don’t say ‘Duh’ to me. You don’t need an attitude to have a conversation.

Keeping going!

You've only just started introducing solids, it takes a month or so to get in the rhythm of 2-3 meals a day, you'll probably naturally drop a feed or two over the next month. And also I found around this time was when mine started sleeping through.

I think your DH and wider family are being shitty with their little snidey comments.

There is so much to do with a new born and ways of bonding with them, that quite frankly your husband sounds pathetic, it's like "oh my ego is damaged because the child needs you not me" - grow up!

I totally understand all your reasons for wanting to continue to breastfeed, but I'd try to listen to what your husband is telling you (in that he'd like to bond more with your baby) and think of ways to help him do that. Not by feeding her from a bottle necessarily, but maybe timing a walk out in the carrier / pram just him and her right after a feed so she's happy.

Fwiw - I had to formula feed as my milk never came in...got heaps of unhelpful comments the other way. In many ways, you can't win as a parent!