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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to insist on exclusive breastfeeding

299 replies

closingtime101 · 02/02/2023 17:00

Hi all. My daughter is 6 months old and so far I have exclusively breastfed her. I have been out a handful of times in those six months, and each time I have left expressed milk in a bottle for her. She does tend to get quite upset on these occasions so it is rare for me to leave her. I like breastfeeding and I am lucky that it has been easy for me.
The issue is that my daughter is very attached to me and reliant on breastfeeding for comfort & sleep. It has led to my husband feeling frustrated that he can’t settle her and my parents have said several times that they don’t feel she knows them very well or is comfortable with them “because she is breastfed”. In addition to this, she is very wakeful and wakes every hour and a half / two hours in the night wanting to be fed, which I do swiftly, often not waking my husband up. My husband thinks if she had a bottle she wouldn’t wake so often as many of the formula fed babies we know sleep through the night.
I have been feeling a bit of pressure to stop breastfeeding from my husband and my family. Nothing overt, but lots of comments like “it’ll be easier once she’s weaned” and “we’d love to babysit, but while she’s being breastfed it’s hard”. We started giving her food last week and she is not at all interested yet, which I think my husband is sad about as he felt he could get more involved.
I feel as though everyone thinks they would have a better relationship with her if I stopped breastfeeding her. I am worried that it is me being selfish wanting to continue breastfeeding because I enjoy it; I love the time with her and the bond I feel; selfishly it is a lot easier than sterilising bottles etc, and it’s cheaper. I am also the one who is with her all day and all night and breastfeeding always settles her - it’s the greatest weapon in my arsenal! I know my husband enjoys being able to feed her and he has asked me to express a bit more so he can. I know it sounds silly but it’s been so cold at home I haven’t wanted to sit in the expressing bra! But I know one solution would be for me to express daily so he could give her a bottle and feel more connected to her. Another solution would be to move to combi-feeding, but I am reluctant to do that as she hasn’t had any formula yet and I am weirdly proud I have managed to sustain her for so long. I know that last part sounds so stupid, but I’m being honest, it’s how I feel.
Am I being unreasonable? Should I move to combi-feeding or bottle-feeding so others can feel more connected to her?

OP posts:
BabyOnBoard90 · 03/02/2023 10:02

Cileymyrus · 03/02/2023 10:00

Imo those who express are gluttons for punishment. It’s double the work, and for what?

just to “be kind” to those who, let’s face it, aren’t doing the day in day out drudge of baby care, and just want to pick the nice easy bit where they get to sit on the sofa, taking one of mum’s only opportunities for a sit down away from her.

Show quote history

For what? So one can spend brief time apart from the baby and the baby can still receive BM.

BabyOnBoard90 · 03/02/2023 10:05

Chimna · 03/02/2023 10:01

With respect, from previous threads babyonboard90 sleep trained at 4.5 months, has suggested that other posters leave 6mos to cry it out and suggested another poster needs to give a 5mo more solids. She's also claimed on this thread that her own baby would forget her in a day. Not someone I would take advice from.

And judging by your recent posts, that doesn't surprise nor insult me. I wouldn't take advice from you 🤨

Chimna · 03/02/2023 10:06

No, you clearly would not.

Cileymyrus · 03/02/2023 10:10

BabyOnBoard90 · 03/02/2023 10:02

For what? So one can spend brief time apart from the baby and the baby can still receive BM.

Show quote history

You can have “brief time” away from the baby in between feeds. By six months they can be left for a few hours as they can have solids to keep them happy.

I personally would rather not spend my “brief time” away from baby expressing, washing up and catching up on chores. Which is ineivetably what happens as it won’t get done if dad is sat feeding.

purpledalmation · 03/02/2023 10:11

At 6 months you will be weaning and she won't be so dependent on you. Likely it will be a little breastfeed just to settle at night or when she is unwell. She won't switch to formula milk now, or take happily from a bottle, just no chance on that. Just carryon and ignore.

BabyOnBoard90 · 03/02/2023 10:13

Cileymyrus · 03/02/2023 10:10

You can have “brief time” away from the baby in between feeds. By six months they can be left for a few hours as they can have solids to keep them happy.

I personally would rather not spend my “brief time” away from baby expressing, washing up and catching up on chores. Which is ineivetably what happens as it won’t get done if dad is sat feeding.

Show quote history

On your first point; doesn't apply to all babies, appetite can even vary day to day.

On the second point; that's your preference, do as you please

phoenixrosehere · 03/02/2023 10:17

just want to pick the nice easy bit where they get to sit on the sofa, taking one of mum’s only opportunities for a sit down away from her.

That’s how it looks, doesn’t it. All the other activities that can be done and the concentration is on what is typically the easiest at this stage. I’d be annoyed if the only thing my DH and parents wanted to do was feed our sons where they usually fall asleep afterwards. Are some so lazy that they can’t do a game of peekaboos, sing a song, play with toys, actually engage the baby, instead of watching them eat? All those things help build skills that are necessary for their development.

knittingaddict · 03/02/2023 10:27

I still remember 10 years ago when my tiny grandson fell asleep while I was holding him. I was looking after him while his mum went for a shower and no feeding was involved. It's still a treasured memory.

A week after they all left her abusive husband (same grandchild was 5 years old) he was sitting on my husband's lap and fell fast asleep in a room full of family and friends. My husband had never fed him with a bottle and yet the bond was most definitely there. You just need to be a loving, stable and trustworthy part of their lives, not make ridiculous and unnecessary demands of the mother.

PinkSyCo · 03/02/2023 15:36

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minipie · 03/02/2023 16:37

Agree with pp that they just want to do the nice bit. BF was one of the few bits of looking after babies that I enjoyed, not a job I needed taking off my hands.

If they want to bond why not take on winding after a feed, cleaning up the posset, nappy changes (especially the explosive ones) or trying to get baby to nap in cot… those all really help cement the relationship… 😬

SleekMamma · 03/02/2023 16:41

You are the mum. You are the boss. What you say goes for your tiny new baby. Everyone else gets the rest of their lives with your child, this is important and exclusive mum & baby time.
Do what you think is right for your baby.

SleekMamma · 03/02/2023 16:42

Plus you can tell them they get all the fun of the trying out foods with baby.

Calphurnia88 · 04/02/2023 16:50

BabyOnBoard90 · 03/02/2023 09:37

I do agree with them. It doesn't take long to build a milk supply.

Some mums just want baby attached at the hip.

Show quote history

Clearly you're not one of these since I regularly see you promoting sleep training to other mums and relishing in how it's 'demonised' on MN, as well as leaving snarky comments on threads posted by people seeking gentle ways to move away from cosleeping.

For FWIW I see sleep training frequently promoted here, but of course it's going to illicit a negative response from some parents as it works by limiting your responsiveness to your child when they're in distress. That isn't judgement, that's fact.

Out of interest, did you develop this attitude before or after you posted on here that no one had been to visit your new baby?

BabyOnBoard90 · 04/02/2023 18:20

Calphurnia88 · 04/02/2023 16:50

Clearly you're not one of these since I regularly see you promoting sleep training to other mums and relishing in how it's 'demonised' on MN, as well as leaving snarky comments on threads posted by people seeking gentle ways to move away from cosleeping.

For FWIW I see sleep training frequently promoted here, but of course it's going to illicit a negative response from some parents as it works by limiting your responsiveness to your child when they're in distress. That isn't judgement, that's fact.

Out of interest, did you develop this attitude before or after you posted on here that no one had been to visit your new baby?

Show quote history

What a weak attempt to trigger 🥱

You have time to go through my posts and obsess over them. I have already forgotten your username after pressing post

Squamata · 04/02/2023 18:24

Calphurnia88 · 04/02/2023 16:50

Clearly you're not one of these since I regularly see you promoting sleep training to other mums and relishing in how it's 'demonised' on MN, as well as leaving snarky comments on threads posted by people seeking gentle ways to move away from cosleeping.

For FWIW I see sleep training frequently promoted here, but of course it's going to illicit a negative response from some parents as it works by limiting your responsiveness to your child when they're in distress. That isn't judgement, that's fact.

Out of interest, did you develop this attitude before or after you posted on here that no one had been to visit your new baby?

Show quote history

Sleep training works by changing their sleep cues and associations. You still respond to their needs throughout the day, you respond to distress at night, you just might not go in and pick them up/feed immediately if they wake and gringe a bit. I'd say it changes your response to distress but doesn't mean you don't respond.

Emmamoo89 · 04/02/2023 18:27

purpledalmation · 03/02/2023 10:11

At 6 months you will be weaning and she won't be so dependent on you. Likely it will be a little breastfeed just to settle at night or when she is unwell. She won't switch to formula milk now, or take happily from a bottle, just no chance on that. Just carryon and ignore.

My baba is nearly 10 months and still breastfeeds 11 times during the day. Sleeps through the night tho. Think it varies with all babies

Lcb123 · 04/02/2023 18:28

if bf is working for you and baby then keep going. I don’t think they’re pressuring you to stop - they are making a fair point that baby will be more attached to you-inevitably. I personally want my husband to feel equal and therefore do a mix of breast and bottle (expressed)

Calphurnia88 · 04/02/2023 18:38

Squamata · 04/02/2023 18:24

Sleep training works by changing their sleep cues and associations. You still respond to their needs throughout the day, you respond to distress at night, you just might not go in and pick them up/feed immediately if they wake and gringe a bit. I'd say it changes your response to distress but doesn't mean you don't respond.

Show quote history

I said it limits responsiveness, not that it removes it altogether.

For me that's enough to know it's not for me, but I can understand why people do it.

Calphurnia88 · 04/02/2023 20:06

BabyOnBoard90 · 04/02/2023 18:20

What a weak attempt to trigger 🥱

You have time to go through my posts and obsess over them. I have already forgotten your username after pressing post

Show quote history

Of course, because trolling people who are having sleep issues is a much better way to spend your time.

🤡

BabyOnBoard90 · 04/02/2023 20:12

Calphurnia88 · 04/02/2023 20:06

Of course, because trolling people who are having sleep issues is a much better way to spend your time.

🤡

Show quote history

Clearly it must be considering you enjoy it so much why you're delving into all my posts.

Have fun perusing. I care more about my next bowel movement than whatever you think

gamerchick · 04/02/2023 20:43

BabyOnBoard90 · 04/02/2023 20:12

Clearly it must be considering you enjoy it so much why you're delving into all my posts.

Have fun perusing. I care more about my next bowel movement than whatever you think

Show quote history

If that were true, you wouldn't be engaging...

tripletrouble · 04/02/2023 20:51

When I exclusively breastfed, my DH took over the bathing so he could bond with the babies in his own way. That way we both had our special time with them - that worked for us.

BabyOnBoard90 · 04/02/2023 20:56

gamerchick · 04/02/2023 20:43

If that were true, you wouldn't be engaging...

Show quote history

That doesn't make any sense.

Responding to a stranger on the Internet does not mean I give shyt what stranger on the Internet thinks.

89redballoons · 04/02/2023 21:11

I combi feed my baby. He is 9 months old now, EBF until 4 months, now on 3 bottles of formula a day, plus solids, plus breastfed first thing in the morning and at night time. Guess what? Unless he's really, really hungry, he only takes a bottle from me Hmm

Your baby taking a bottle will not mean that other family members can magically bond with her. They need to put the work in and find their own ways to bond - playing, bathing, rocking to sleep, taking her out for walks etc etc.

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