AIBU to insist on exclusive breastfeeding

[closingtime101]

Hi all. My daughter is 6 months old and so far I have exclusively breastfed her. I have been out a handful of times in those six months, and each time I have left expressed milk in a bottle for her. She does tend to get quite upset on these occasions so it is rare for me to leave her. I like breastfeeding and I am lucky that it has been easy for me.
The issue is that my daughter is very attached to me and reliant on breastfeeding for comfort & sleep. It has led to my husband feeling frustrated that he can’t settle her and my parents have said several times that they don’t feel she knows them very well or is comfortable with them “because she is breastfed”. In addition to this, she is very wakeful and wakes every hour and a half / two hours in the night wanting to be fed, which I do swiftly, often not waking my husband up. My husband thinks if she had a bottle she wouldn’t wake so often as many of the formula fed babies we know sleep through the night.
I have been feeling a bit of pressure to stop breastfeeding from my husband and my family. Nothing overt, but lots of comments like “it’ll be easier once she’s weaned” and “we’d love to babysit, but while she’s being breastfed it’s hard”. We started giving her food last week and she is not at all interested yet, which I think my husband is sad about as he felt he could get more involved.
I feel as though everyone thinks they would have a better relationship with her if I stopped breastfeeding her. I am worried that it is me being selfish wanting to continue breastfeeding because I enjoy it; I love the time with her and the bond I feel; selfishly it is a lot easier than sterilising bottles etc, and it’s cheaper. I am also the one who is with her all day and all night and breastfeeding always settles her - it’s the greatest weapon in my arsenal! I know my husband enjoys being able to feed her and he has asked me to express a bit more so he can. I know it sounds silly but it’s been so cold at home I haven’t wanted to sit in the expressing bra! But I know one solution would be for me to express daily so he could give her a bottle and feel more connected to her. Another solution would be to move to combi-feeding, but I am reluctant to do that as she hasn’t had any formula yet and I am weirdly proud I have managed to sustain her for so long. I know that last part sounds so stupid, but I’m being honest, it’s how I feel.
Am I being unreasonable? Should I move to combi-feeding or bottle-feeding so others can feel more connected to her?

I would be trying to cut down the night feeds, if possible get her to settle without the boob. This is so that she takes more milk/food in the day and so that she and you and your DH get better sleep. It’s not great for anyone (including DD) waking up every 1.5 hours and she would ideally start having food soon (not loads by any means but some).

Nothing to do with being able to pass her to others which is entirely up to you and not a problem if you don’t want to.

Keep doing what you’re comfortable with. She’ll be eating solids soon enough and they can take her a bit more then. Tonnes of ways to bond that don’t involve feeding

This was me totally, you're not being unreasonable. I don't think giving formula is a magic cure all tbh. Just keep doing what you're doing if you're happy. A bottle won't aid bonding if your baby isn't wanting it.

To bond I let my hubby do every bath time and nappy after he got home from work 🤣

I did 3.5 years of waking every 2 hours, another year of waking just twice and just before I was ready to die of sleep deprivation he slept through just before he was 5. Phew.

Good luck!

Don't be pressured into stopping breastfeeding your baby. She will be weaned when she is ready. Get DH to bath and do bedtime routine then hand over to you to feed. Ignore grandparents remarks.

BAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Ah she’s still so tiny. I think they’re being a bit unfair, albeit they’re coming from a good place. She is forming a gorgeous bond with you and will feel so safe and connected to you (of course formula fed babies can do the same, but it just sounds like this is working so well for both of you), and there’s plenty of time, all the time in the world, for her form very strong bonds with other family members, there is no rush!

She will naturally start doing that anyway, even if you keep breastfeeding. And when it’s just you and her, like you say, this is what works for you both- I was always the same in that I found it so much easier not sterilising bottles, not having to actually get up in the night, having a very easy way to comfort her wherever we were. I’d say stick to your guns and keep breastfeeding. Dad can find other ways to bond than giving her a bottle, she’s not a cute baby lamb that’s fun to feed, the priority should be what works best for you and her! Good luck OP x

I had similar experiences to you and kept feeding over 2 years. My two have a brilliant relationship we their Dad and close to their grandparents. Don't doubt yourself, keep doing what you're doing .

@LittleLegoWoman - families bring up babies, there's nothing wrong with discussion about a baby from a father or grandparents. It's called respecting others opinions for their baby /grandchild for discussion.

If she takes a bottle of expressed milk, just express lots more so others can help. If my son had taken a bottle, I would have let him have formula but he didn’t! I felt very much alone and I struggled with lack of sleep! But it sounds like you enjoy it. But to make it fair for your husband (I wouldn’t worry re other family members), provide a bit more milk for him to use!

Fucking weird discussions on this thread.

Expressing is a massive pain in the arse. Keep feeding her. Dads and grandparents will/do bond just fine without.

@custardbear
Families get to have whatever opinions they like. Only the parents’ opinions actually count for anything. And a small number of decisions are made by the mother alone because they concern her body. - Choosing to keep a pregnancy/terminate a pregnancy, all medical decisions during pregnancy, all decisions concerning the birth AND all decisions concerning breastfeeding. Everything else can be a joint decision between both parents. Choice of childcare, baby equipment, diet (other than milk), school, hobbies, routines, discipline, treats, toys, traditions, holidays, screen time, rules and expectations, homework, medical care. All of it is a joint decision between both parents. Breastfeeding/formula feeding/any combination of the too is not.

Babies have absolutely no biological or emotional need for anyone except their birthing mum.
Everyone else could be there to support mum. Once your child is over 3 years old there will be plenty of opportunities for them to bond with a child without you if you choose.
This should be about the benefits of the baby and not the adults.

Exclusively breastfed my 4, including twins, for 9 months. They never had formula or expressed milk. My choice. Loved it.

@LittleLegoWoman - in YOUR opinion!
Plus they're asking, not forcing her ffs!

Don’t give up bf. The pressure to stop at the six month point is always huge from people. Don’t give formula if you don’t want to, what’s the point of introducing a bottle when in a few months you’ll want to be moving to cups and cows milk.

By the time your baby gets to 8 months you’ll be able to leave them most of the day if you want and they’ll be fine. You can start trying different cups anytime now to find a type that suits for water.
I type this as my two and half year old is helping herself to a bf.

DD wouldn't take fluid from a bottle, but she did take first from a spoon and then a sippy cup. Have you tried either of these ? As much as I enjoyed breastfeeding myself, it was a relief to know there was an alternative way to get fluids into her. And DP and others could feed her too.

One thing we did notice - I stopped breast feeding at about 9 months (DD was very bity with her teeth coming through) and moved onto formula and she slept much better through the night.

They shouldn’t be asking. She’s feeling pressured because of it. And yes, I very strongly disagree with YOUR OPINION. What actually matters here is OP’s opinion. And she wants to keep breastfeeding and not stop and not add in formula and not increase the amount she is expressing. Her family should respect that.

Sounds to me like your husband is desperate to do similar bonding, why cant you express more in a warmer room so he can do maybe one bottle in the evening while you have a soak, and one in the morning while you sort yourself out.
Youve no idea how lucky you are, theres lots of mumsnetters on here would love a bit more help.

My DD never had a bottle, 100% from
the breast to 26 months. I couldn’t express a drop and wasn’t giving formula.
Your family and husband sound awful. Stick
to your guns if you are happy.

You don't want to stop. Baby doesn't want you to stop.

Only other adults around you want it to stop, for their own selfish needs.

Please continue and do what's right for you and baby. You will never get this time back x

Omg do not stop breastfeeding if it’s working for you and baby. Tell your husband you are not a cow to be milked with a pump so he can “have a turn”.

I think you and your family are confounding a couple of things.
Some of what you describe is the result of feeding to sleep, not the result of breastfeeding. Unless she’s very small, she’s probably waking because she’s not joining her sleep cycles up because she’s not falling asleep on her own, rather than because she’s hungry. You might want to consider working on that because it will make your life easier, but up to you.
If you ff you won’t necessarily change her sleep habits and she may still want you when she sleeps.
At this stage the odd bottle of formula won’t make any difference but if she’s anything like mine she won’t like it if she’s not used to it.
Feeding a baby that also eats solids is very different and not nearly as much of a bind as feeding a young baby. Things will change in the next 6 months anyway.
Your in-laws are very odd to think this is any of their business though.

'They shouldn't be asking...' 🤯

Bloody hell what's wrong with you 🤯

Expressing is hard work. Feeding a baby doesn’t have to be “fair”. If it does have to be fair, for every minute OP expresses, the husband has to do press-ups.