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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to insist on exclusive breastfeeding

299 replies

closingtime101 · 02/02/2023 17:00

Hi all. My daughter is 6 months old and so far I have exclusively breastfed her. I have been out a handful of times in those six months, and each time I have left expressed milk in a bottle for her. She does tend to get quite upset on these occasions so it is rare for me to leave her. I like breastfeeding and I am lucky that it has been easy for me.
The issue is that my daughter is very attached to me and reliant on breastfeeding for comfort & sleep. It has led to my husband feeling frustrated that he can’t settle her and my parents have said several times that they don’t feel she knows them very well or is comfortable with them “because she is breastfed”. In addition to this, she is very wakeful and wakes every hour and a half / two hours in the night wanting to be fed, which I do swiftly, often not waking my husband up. My husband thinks if she had a bottle she wouldn’t wake so often as many of the formula fed babies we know sleep through the night.
I have been feeling a bit of pressure to stop breastfeeding from my husband and my family. Nothing overt, but lots of comments like “it’ll be easier once she’s weaned” and “we’d love to babysit, but while she’s being breastfed it’s hard”. We started giving her food last week and she is not at all interested yet, which I think my husband is sad about as he felt he could get more involved.
I feel as though everyone thinks they would have a better relationship with her if I stopped breastfeeding her. I am worried that it is me being selfish wanting to continue breastfeeding because I enjoy it; I love the time with her and the bond I feel; selfishly it is a lot easier than sterilising bottles etc, and it’s cheaper. I am also the one who is with her all day and all night and breastfeeding always settles her - it’s the greatest weapon in my arsenal! I know my husband enjoys being able to feed her and he has asked me to express a bit more so he can. I know it sounds silly but it’s been so cold at home I haven’t wanted to sit in the expressing bra! But I know one solution would be for me to express daily so he could give her a bottle and feel more connected to her. Another solution would be to move to combi-feeding, but I am reluctant to do that as she hasn’t had any formula yet and I am weirdly proud I have managed to sustain her for so long. I know that last part sounds so stupid, but I’m being honest, it’s how I feel.
Am I being unreasonable? Should I move to combi-feeding or bottle-feeding so others can feel more connected to her?

OP posts:
ironhelp · 02/02/2023 18:32

I think that this shouldn't be about what you, your husband or your parents want. It should be about what is best for your baby. And that is breastfeeding.

DappledThings · 02/02/2023 18:35

I expressed for DC1 and we spent ages getting him to take a bottle some could go to one hen do. It was a massive faff and with DC2 I absolutely couldn't be arsed so she was EBF to 6 months then started some solids and I carried on bf to 14 months.

Me not wanting to express or faff about with bottles made no difference to DH's bond with her or her relationship with GPs. It's entirely up to you.

Childre · 02/02/2023 18:41

@custardbear next thing it will be you need to leave the bastard because he wants to give the odd bottle, that's how MN goes for you 🤣

WaitingOutside · 02/02/2023 18:41

I think I would discuss more with my partner about why they were feeling left out or felt they were missing bonding with the baby. I wouldn't stop breastfeeding if I didn't want to, but I would want to encourage/compromise/support my partner if they were feeling like this.

Cocobutt · 02/02/2023 18:44

Absolutely carry on BF if that’s what you want to do.

Although I do understand what your family mean by not being able to babysit if you are BF as it does make it more difficult for them but that wouldn’t be a reason for me to stop BF and in a few months you would have stopped anyway and then they can babysit all they want.

ThreeLittleDots · 02/02/2023 18:44

Utterly ignore them. You're doing an amazing thing that's vanishingly rar at 6mo.

Cleome · 02/02/2023 18:47

Feeding isn't the only way to bond. I exclusively breastfed, no bottles, no expressing and only fed from me until baby lead weaning from 6 months, and my husband and all grandparents have lovely bonds with our toddler. They all spent a lot of time with him. It's not all about feeding, and I didn't want to express (I barely get any milk with a pump anyway!)

Whydoitry · 02/02/2023 18:55

I'm still breastfeeding at 2yrs old.

My husband and parents could have said what they liked, but the baby was adamant in refusing a bottle. So there we go.

But neither felt like they were excluded or couldn't bond. My husband had zero desire to get up in the night!!! He was in charge of the nightly bath so that's their bonding time. Does your DH have anything like that which is his thing?

Stopping breastfeeding would have been a disaster. Nothing else got DC to sleep calmly. DC now goes to sleep really well for my DH - I was going out twice a week and he developed his own method - but didn't manage it until DC was 15 mo old. I didn't have to stop breastfeeding to achieve this.

Breastfeeding is really beneficial, I think your parents and husband are being selfish.

Emmamoo89 · 02/02/2023 18:55

YADNBU X

Emmamoo89 · 02/02/2023 18:56

custardbear · 02/02/2023 17:09

Whilst I agree bf is beneficial, I think it's time to let others bond too. You could express more, and you could let others be more involved, and personally I'd say it's a bit selfish to make excuses. Express and have sone 'you time' so others can have sone baby time too

Nope. Mothers decision

Emmamoo89 · 02/02/2023 18:57

kitcat15 · 02/02/2023 17:28

A 6 month baby shouldn't be exclusively breastfed...you should be weaning now

Erm nope. Breastfeed for as long as possible. I'll be breastfeeding till my son is 2

Emmamoo89 · 02/02/2023 18:59

ittakes2 · 02/02/2023 17:43

I am very sorry but your comment "she is very wakeful and wakes every hour and a half / two hours in the night wanting to be fed" does not sound like she is being sustained enough it sounds like she is a hungry baby.

Does not mean baby is hungry. Probably going through a growth spurt or teething

Emmamoo89 · 02/02/2023 19:00

Ihadenough22 · 02/02/2023 17:38

Stop listening to some of the mother's here who having you breast feeding till the child is school. You breast fed for 6 months and it better now if you start working towards getting your baby off breast feeding. It will be far easier now than when the baby is older.

The reality is that your baby is getting bigger, will be eating off a spoon soon and you given them a good start with the breast feeding. If they were bottle fed they would sleep longer at night.

Your husband is getting sick of been woken several times each night. I also say that he like a bit of baby free time now and again. You could meet friends, have a break or go away for the odd day when you feel like it.

It important to realise that yes you have a baby but that as a couple you need a bit of baby free time. If you have grandparents to mind them take the opportunity to have some time off.

One of my friends breast fed her child until they were 6 months old and after that she had them on a sippy cup. She was glad to stop breastfeeding then as she could have a bit of baby free time to do things she liked and it gave a chance for her husband/grandparents to spend time with the baby.

I'll be breastfeeding my son till he's 2. I love it and still have free time to do things

SwordToFlamethrower · 02/02/2023 19:00

You carried your baby for 9 months and then went through labour. If you want to continue to EBF, that's your call!

They should be over the moon that you have an amazing bond, can settle your baby so quickly and baby gets all those antibodies and nutrition from you.

They should be thanking you!

Emmamoo89 · 02/02/2023 19:02

Burgoo · 02/02/2023 17:06

@VegMam

My daughter would have bitten my wife's boobs off!

I perfectly breasfeed my son who has 8 teeth fine

moresugarpls · 02/02/2023 19:06

People can be really weird about breastfeeding ime.

Don’t let your family put you off it. It won’t be long til your baby moves on from breastfeeding and onto food full time.

There’s plenty of way for husband to bond with your baby. skin-to-skin contact, changing nappies, feeding her meals and playing with her

patsshopping · 02/02/2023 19:07

Your DD does not exist to make other people feel good. If exclusively breastfeeding helps her to feel happy and settled, then I see no reason why you should not do that. My babies never had a bottle so I am no expert, however, it seems that expressing and bottle feeding takes more time, involves more work for you and makes your baby less comfortable. Why would adults who love you both want that?

MelchiorsMistress · 02/02/2023 19:07

The baby is six months old and will have actual food as their main sustenance very soon so there’s no reason this needs to be an issue much longer.

ukMummyof1 · 02/02/2023 19:08

The only people being selfish are those around you. I know first hand exactly how this feels as I breastfed my DS and the in-laws didn't seem to like the idea as they wanted to 'help'. He is my child, I am with my child 24/7 so therefor will feed him in the way I found easiest. He/she isn't a toy, DH should be pleased you have bonded well with your baby. Please put your foot down, its not easy with all the pressure around you but you'll only regret it. My DP has just as easily bonded with out DS by helping wean, lots of cuddles, coming on days out and I don't believe breastfeeding is the only way to wean. You are doing a great job and sound like a fantastic mummy! Xx

MatronicO6 · 02/02/2023 19:08

I think it's absolutely your choice. There are many ways people can bond with baby. In the next few months baby is going to be a lot more active and should naturally leave longer gaps between feeding.

Although I will say I did express enough each day for one bottle for DH to give her each night before bed. I am really happy he was able to have those moments of closeness with her as well. And it actually has helped with bond as she is just as attached to him as she is to me now.

moresugarpls · 02/02/2023 19:08

FYI I breastfed 2 out of my kids and they both adore their dad.

Thinkbiglittleone · 02/02/2023 19:09

Of course they can bond with your DC. There are loads of ways to bond. Your DZC is still so tiny, if thru need you through the night and it's ok with you, then that's the way it is. DH can do the bath, book, he can do literally loads of things as can your parents. Your 6 month old doesn't need to be having sleepovers anywhere to "bond"

You should not give up breastfeeding until it either stops working for you or stops working out for your DC. It's no one else's choice.
I think it's incredibly selfish for them to even suggest it.

Harriettt · 02/02/2023 19:09

I mean forget about the grandparents, but I can fully understand Dad wanting to occasionally feed.

lemongirl1985 · 02/02/2023 19:12

I'm sorry your family isn't more supportive, I actually feel the same with mine.
My daughter is 14 months old now but ever since she was 6 months old any support for me breastfeeding her was gone when it comes to my mum and it infuriates me!
The pressure to start feeding her solids, the constant "your milk is not enough for her anymore" and the total confidence that she would sleep through the night if only I gave her a bottle of formula !!! The truth is my baby was born at 37 weeks and tiny 5lb - she's gone up from the 2nd to 50th centile and is just average size for her age.
Now she's older I only breastfeed her twice a day and she's loving her solids. I'm so glad I didn't listen to my mum, I loved every minute of breastfeeding and wish she kept her hurtful comments to herself.
I understand the need for bonding etc but honestly just do whatever you feel is best for you and your child because once you stop there's no going back and you don't want to regret anything!

phoenixrosehere · 02/02/2023 19:13

YANBU.

Good grief, the baby is only 6 months old! There is plenty of time to bond and have the baby when they are a bit older. Feeding isn’t the only way to bonf with a baby and it’s ridiculous people still think that. Do they not try to play with the baby? Why such a focus on feeding?

I breastfed both my sons til they were over two, teeth and all. Expressing took ages so I only did it when absolutely necessary and both boys could go without a feed for 3 hours at 6 months. My oldest hated formula when we did try it to the point of vomiting. Didn’t try formula with the second and he hated bottles which was more than understandable when he didn’t like pacifiers. He went straight to a sippy cup which made more sense since that is more like an actual nipple (flattened when nursing) than a bottle.

If you and baby are happy, no need to stop.