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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask if you regret NOT having children?

202 replies

notetakerforlife · 28/01/2023 20:36

Posting here for traffic.

Looking for responses from those who either chose not to or ideally chose not to pursue fertility help when it didn't happen naturally.

It hasn't happened naturally now for four years and I just don't know if I can go on. Don't know if I want to go on - not sue if having kids will even bring me the joy that is expected.

I'm really not looking for advice here mainly people that have lived through this experience and decided not to do IVF - have you regretted it?

I'm asking because I'm really not sure whether to go through it but worried about the regret later.

So I'm looking for experience responses thanks in advance

OP posts:
DarkNurseries · 01/02/2023 06:11

SilentNightDancer · 01/02/2023 05:03

Posted too soon.

I'm surprised so many people seem to get hassled over having kids. I didn't get pregnant until I was in my very late 30s and didn't get any hassle about it at all. Most people didn't actually care.

Occasionally someone would ask 'do you want kids?' and I would say 'not sure - maybe someday' and that would be the end of the conversation.

I'm not saying it doesn't happen but I always find it interesting how so many women seem to get grief about it, as it was just never my experience. Perhaps living in London makes a difference - lots of women either start families late or don't have children at all.

The living in London thing definitely makes a difference, purely, I imagine, because you just meet such a variety of people whose life experiences and ideas of ‘normal’ are so different.

I was never hassled about not having children at all when I was living there, only after I moved to a village in the Midlands which was deeply insular and where it seemed the entire population had the same, strong but completely unexamined ideas about ‘normal’ involving marriage, a 3-bed semi, and 2.4 children. There I frequently got questions from total strangers, neighbours, people at parties etc, and while I actually had DS while living there, aged 40, the questioning then switched pretty much overnight to when I was having my next, and when I said I wasn’t going to, there were frequent cries of disbelief, accusations of selfishness etc.

Lottapianos · 01/02/2023 06:29

'The living in London thing definitely makes a difference'

Hadn't thought about this before, but you may well be right. I've lived in London for 20 years, and only been asked a handful of times if I have kids / want kids. I can only remember 2 or 3 people reacting with horror!

I joined a new work team 4 years ago, and not one person asked me whether I had kids, which I was immensely grateful for. I guess they never even thought about it, or noticed that I never mentioned kids, and worked it out from there!

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