To ask if you regret NOT having children?

[notetakerforlife]

Posting here for traffic.

Looking for responses from those who either chose not to or ideally chose not to pursue fertility help when it didn't happen naturally.

It hasn't happened naturally now for four years and I just don't know if I can go on. Don't know if I want to go on - not sue if having kids will even bring me the joy that is expected.

I'm really not looking for advice here mainly people that have lived through this experience and decided not to do IVF - have you regretted it?

I'm asking because I'm really not sure whether to go through it but worried about the regret later.

So I'm looking for experience responses thanks in advance

'I'm not a jet-setting, loads of holidays type of childfree person, but I do enjoy the small freedoms it gives in my modest life - when I am not working I can more or less do as I please, keep my own hours, go where I want without having to factor in children, eat what I wan when I want, not have to worry about whether media entertainment is suitable or whether I am setting the right example in the way I behave.'

These sound like small things, but the older I get, the more I see these things as incredibly precious. Invaluable actually. I agonised about having children on an almost daily basis for many years, so I absolutely get the enormity of the decision OP

I'm 43 now and don't have children. Some wistfulness, a bit of sadness from time to time (much less as I get older) but also a huge amount of relief, and definitely no regrets. As some others say, I think the pros of having children are massively outweighed by the cons

I had known fertility issues and decided I didn't want children as I didn't want to put myself through the heartache of IVF. I ended up having a baby via IVF at the age of 41 due to a dramatic change of heart! My sister had one unsuccessful round of IVF and then for various reasons stopped trying. She has dogs and a nephew and is very happy. We both made the right choice for ourselves.

I was always 50/50 about having kids.

Once I reached 32 I decided to let nature decide and tried naturally for 3 years. I got quite obsessed with it all - that was hormones I think. I was then diagnosed with fertility issues and offered IVF, but DH and I decided we definitely didn't want to go down that route.

I realised I didn't want a baby that badly and went on the pill for 6 months for a total break from the TTC rollercoaster.

I genuinely love my life; freedom, spontaneous trips away, work part time, lots of hobbies, about to move to a stunning area that would be impossible to live with kids, I have lots of friends my age without children and I think this helps my quality of life. I feel very fulfilled.

I've noticed friends with kids are just under so much stress, worries about school, the climate, cost of living, generally frazzled. There's a saying 'you're only as happy as your unhappiest child'.

I still have the odd pang of 'did I do the right thing' but in my heart I know I did.

If it helps, the decision wasn't an overnight one. Don't pressure yourself too much - take each day as it comes and you will get there.

Quite snarky here lol

This might help. I used similar when learning
www.pdfdrive.com/english-unlimited-pre-intermediate-b1-students-book-e187308780.html

Op, I am childfree by choice.
The thing is I have never wanted them so for me the decision was not difficult. You are in different situation and it's a hard place to be because you did want them and possibly still do. I think maybe take a break and think about it well. Do you have anyone bar your DH to speak to? Or more like them listening because writing things or thinking them is really different to saying it out loud. Maybe it could help you make the decision.
I hope that whatever you decide you find peace

I know many childfree-by-choice people and not a single one with regrets. Can't say the reverse is true.

@2ndTimeRound90 In the nicest way possible your post is quite insensitive,

I also asked for peoples opinions who haven't got children.

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune I guess maybe the reality is you can't regret what you've not had? Hence why I agree I've heard more people become parents and talk regret than the other way around but hence why I started the post as I'm still trying to find a child free person who regrets and I'm finding it a struggle!

Perhaps they genuinely don't exist

Sadly this is something lits of parents can't simply help to share. Even to us child free by choice. It's annoying.
It's proper crass to say that to someone with fertility issues though.
Unfortunately, you will hear that a lot. Quite a few mothers (no guy ever said that to me) feel it's their duty to tell us how we should have kids.
That's actually the only negative I found in my childfree decision for me...

@Bubblebubblebah I thought it was just me - or did the poster not see the fact I said I couldn't have children.

Some people....

Maybe the defensiveness is a sign of something else

This!!! I could tell you the cons all day and i can share how I resent so much and mourn my old life but this when they kiss you learn something new. Understand what your saying and just over all even when you put them to bed at night and instantly miss them it makes me realise i am where I’m supposed to be and right now I’m at 13 months old and it’ll only get easier from here and that she will become my best friend.

It is really a question only you can answer although I know In me if I was ever having to have IVF I couldn’t put myself or my mental health through it.

i don’t think you’ll regret either decision I think you’ll learn to live and love and be fulfilled either way you go xxx

I think more people here should be using that textbook I linked😂

No, not just you. But honestly, prepare yourself if you go the childfree route. Many of these in the wild! But if you will be content with your decision, you will survive them just fine. Whatever you decide, make sure it's not based on some cult like opinions from either side!

i sometimes think about these pushers that misery loves company...

@Firsttimemum120 OP asked for views from people without kids. She is having fertility issues. Your post, and the post from @2ndTimeRound90 , is very insensitive.

Do some people lose part of brain in childbirth or something

I never wanted kids but met DH when I was 38, I changed my mind and we tried but nothing happened so we just stopped trying, no regrets there for either of us and we just carry on with life and our fur babies

It’s worth noting that there are women who regret having children. It’s taboo, so rarely said. I love my (now adult children), but I realised along the way that if I had it to do again, I would choose not to have kids.

Good luck in your decisions.

@Bubblebubblebah what do you mean? Life completely changes in some ways for the better and it is such a rewarding place to be but it’s tough when your constantly relied on and needed and you can’t just simply jump in the car to go to the shop or go to the football game etc etc etc.

it’s exhausting and by your comment you clearly aren’t a parent.

we all know what we’re getting ourselves into but aren’t prepared for the mental health side of it sometimes.

@AnnieSnap do you mind me asking approx how far into it the regret sunk in?

Are you trolling😳

@Firsttimemum120 what she means is the Op posted about her fertility issues and asked for opinions from people who had experienced similar and decided not to do IVF (and did they regret that), or people who decided to be child-free. And you’re blathering on about when your kid kisses you …. Read the room.

Hi OP. I too, also do not want children. Never had a mate real instinct which is sad, but to see what world children grow up in, in this day and age puts me off entirely. The world is a fucked up place as always has been, but appears to be getting worse and I wouldn't want to bring children into the world. It's horrendously judgemental, you are judged if you have children and if you decide to not have children. Do what you feel is right. Children do not define you

We went as far as we could to have our own biological child but drew the line at donor gametes, surrogacy or adoption, none of them was right for us. Have no regrets about that.

I was very loved up with them as babies (as it should be). Probably middle childhood. Certainly by their teens. That sense hasn’t changed either. It wasn’t ‘a phase’.

No, but it was my choice.