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Original poster

To have told DH life would be easier without him

281 replies

PourPatrol · 28/01/2023 10:20

DS (4) ran into the lounge with scissors

I was feeding the baby.

DH said "pourpatrol you need to get scissors off DS now"

I said "Urm you need to do it. Ive got the baby"

He said "you do it. You're some sort of DS whisperer. He never obeys me"

I snapped "bloody hell"

He went mad. "The way you talk to me is unacceptable blah blah." Then he said something about leaving me to it

I said, walking away with both kids, "to be honest sometimes I think it would all be easier without you"

That wasn't nice was it? He's now walking round the house muttering "easier without you" under his breath and randomly laughing or shaking his head. It's very weird and disconcerting

I was pretty horrible. Do I need to apologise. He just never does anything except tell me what to do.

OP posts:
IamNannyPlum · 28/01/2023 10:21

I think that you were actually very restrained. He sounds useless.

MiaMoor · 28/01/2023 10:22

Of course he could have stopped a 4 year old!

There are many of us who decided to go it alone and found it far easier than coparenting with a useless man!

BigMadAdrian · 28/01/2023 10:22

He's a dick.

Rhaych2003 · 28/01/2023 10:23

I can understand you’re frustrations, you feel like you’re the default parent by the sounds of things. Dad needs to learn to be obedient with kids otherwise they’ll lead him a merry dance! He can’t let the child run around with scissors!

However I do feel what you said was a little harsh. I’m sure you saying that will likely push him further away from wanting to help (wrong on his behalf of course as their his kids).

Can you imagine how crap you’d feel if your partner told you him and the kids would basically be “better off without you”? As that’s basically what you said in other words.

Rhaych2003 · 28/01/2023 10:24

Sure if he died or something happened to him, you certainly wouldn’t find things easier without him. But he needs to take responsibility as their his kids too, it’s not just your responsibility to teach them right from wrong and keep them safe.

TheSmallAssassin · 28/01/2023 10:25

Sounds like it's true! It's something I've said to my husband at times - if you are doing everything anyway, having to think about him too and deal with him upsetting you does make your life harder. You need to sit down and have a proper conversation about this though.

He also needs to understand that you aren't naturally a child whisperer, you've invested time and effort in learning how to deal with your son successfully - he will never be able to do it if he always cops out.

BookWar0m · 28/01/2023 10:27

Maybe say sorry about saying life would be better without him (unless you have other problems and you are thinking you will split eventually) but stand your ground about the fact he is more than capable to do things himself rather than expect you to

Mammyloveswine · 28/01/2023 10:29

Rhaych2003 · 28/01/2023 10:24

Sure if he died or something happened to him, you certainly wouldn’t find things easier without him. But he needs to take responsibility as their his kids too, it’s not just your responsibility to teach them right from wrong and keep them safe.

Fucking hell

Annoyingwurringnoise · 28/01/2023 10:29

Being nice or nasty aside OP, what do you think, do you think your life is more difficult with him in it?

MustardCress · 28/01/2023 10:32

You weren’t unreasonable to mildly show your frustration when he’s being so selfish and lazy while allowing his child to be in danger!

His then going mad at you is completely unreasonable so it’s no wonder that you said life would be easier without him. Truth hurts manbaby.

You aren’t the one in the wrong here OP. He’s a prize arsehole.

Topseyt123 · 28/01/2023 10:34

Why on earth is he incapable of grabbing a four year old and taking a dangerous object such as a pair of scissors off them?

Yes, life may well be easier without him. No harm in telling him that. He has been warned!

Phenolet · 28/01/2023 10:37

You no doubt hurt his feeling but no wonder you snapped! Is he really that useless? What would he have done if you weren't there? I'm sure he'd have found a way to confiscated the scissors then, but it's easier to have you do everything by pretending to be a completely incompetent.

Sleepless1096 · 28/01/2023 10:38

So he wanted you to interrupt feeding the baby (were you breastfeeding?) to chase after your other child? And he thinks you need to be some sort of child "whisperer" to control a 4yo.

He sounds completely useless. Is he also this bad at his paid job?

Teaandtoast3 · 28/01/2023 10:39

He sounds useless

Rhaych2003 · 28/01/2023 10:40

Whether she was breastfeeding the baby or not is a little irrelevant, either way she had her hands full feeding the baby. Even if she was just giving baby a bottle, shouldn’t be disturbed to see to the other child when dad is right there

Unicorn2022 · 28/01/2023 10:40

You do not need to apologise to him!

Rhaych2003 · 28/01/2023 10:41

Rhaych2003 · 28/01/2023 10:40

Whether she was breastfeeding the baby or not is a little irrelevant, either way she had her hands full feeding the baby. Even if she was just giving baby a bottle, shouldn’t be disturbed to see to the other child when dad is right there

why does it matter if she was breast feeding? Whether it was breast fed or formula fed, either way she’d still have her hands full? X

Sleepless1096 · 28/01/2023 10:41

Rhaych2003 · 28/01/2023 10:40

Whether she was breastfeeding the baby or not is a little irrelevant, either way she had her hands full feeding the baby. Even if she was just giving baby a bottle, shouldn’t be disturbed to see to the other child when dad is right there

You're right of course - though if she was bottle-feeding I suppose at least they could have swapped tasks.

billy1966 · 28/01/2023 10:41

He sounds like a waste of space so you were reasonable in your response.

Stop having children with him and figure out what is best for your children and you.

Lazy losers only make life harder.

Picklewicklepickle · 28/01/2023 10:42

Well he does sound like a waste of space…

What would he have done if you weren’t there, just let him run around with scissors? I think not. He’s just being lazy and making you the default parent.

Rhaych2003 · 28/01/2023 10:42

Has he always been like this OP? If so why did you have a second child with him? Although I know it’s not always as black and white as many people think, sometimes peoples contraception fails or they don’t know their pregnant for long.

whatwouldAnnaDelveydo · 28/01/2023 10:43

My life is so much easier without my XH. An adult who can't stop a child running with bloody scissors is the definition of "useless".

Eyeofthestorm7 · 28/01/2023 10:43

You are not being at all unreasonable he needs to be an equal parent.Would it make a difference when the air has cleared to unpack why he feels ineffectual? He sounds angry and defensive. What would help him improve relationship with DS? An activity he takes him to on his own so gains confidence? He needs to be supporting you and a team not opting out.

SignOnTheWindow · 28/01/2023 10:43

Look up ' weaponized incompetence' this is what your husband is doing.

He needs to step up and stop being a dick.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 28/01/2023 10:44

How you managed to be so restrained is beyond me. He's being a tosser. He left a dangerous situation, cos he didn't want to be a grown up, and he's now trying to guilt trip you. You may well be right. He's a man child, and he needs to shape up or ship out. Flowers