To have told DH life would be easier without him

[PourPatrol]

DS (4) ran into the lounge with scissors

I was feeding the baby.

DH said "pourpatrol you need to get scissors off DS now"

I said "Urm you need to do it. Ive got the baby"

He said "you do it. You're some sort of DS whisperer. He never obeys me"

I snapped "bloody hell"

He went mad. "The way you talk to me is unacceptable blah blah." Then he said something about leaving me to it

I said, walking away with both kids, "to be honest sometimes I think it would all be easier without you"

That wasn't nice was it? He's now walking round the house muttering "easier without you" under his breath and randomly laughing or shaking his head. It's very weird and disconcerting

I was pretty horrible. Do I need to apologise. He just never does anything except tell me what to do.

In the cold light of day, is it true? Do you want to leave him?

If not, I would apologise, because it's a very harsh comment, and I think would hurt for anyone to hear. I would also have a conversation that I wanted him to pull his weight, not compliment me on being better at it so that I had to do it.

He sounds like a very frustrating person to co-parent with. I think you were incredibly restrained tbh. If he had any self respect, he'd reflect on your words and step up to the plate.

Do I need to apologise. He just never does anything except tell me what to do

What a useless idiot!

No, don't apologise. Get him to read a parenting book and find out how to parent his 4yo. What a wet wipe. What's he going to be like parenting a teen if he can't manage to take scissors off a child??!

Don't apologise. He was bang out of order, and left a kid with scissors? Are some posters not understanding the situation? Is the dad now posting?

Is he ever left with the kids on his own?

It would worry me that he can't even take a pair of scissors off a 4 year old

And no it wasn't too harsh and you shouldn't apologise

You need to tell him he needs to start actually looking after his children

What you said was perfectly fair given the circumstances. He sounds utterly incompetent. I assume there are other examples of this?

You are both BU

There was absolutely no reason to have this sort of argument in front of the kids.

Does he do anything helpful, that contributes to the general running of the family? Or is he always this useless? If the latter, there's not really any point to him, is there? And yes you might as well get rid. Although I could understand that you'd be nervous about anyone who can't get scissors off a four year old looking after them alone. Which he would have to if you split. Assuming he wanted to see them. It might be too much effort for him.

I realise it sounds harsh set out like that, but it's true. So many women on here weighed down by men who are pointless, lazy passengers in their own lives. You don't need a third child to look after.

I think you were spot on. He isn’t pulling his weight.

but his childish, pathetic reaction would give me the ick.

it actually emphasises that he is in the wrong here. Who sulks like that 🙄

Just to give context - DS (4) is very challenging. GP and nursery have put him on waiting list for ADHD or autism digonis. He can get very upset at things being taken off him, but obviously it needed to be done straight away.

I have been on a parenting course for kids with autism, recommended by the council. And so now DH is all like "you know what you're doing, apparently i'm doing it wrong" because i tell him he has to stop shouting and swearing and all that.

I gave baby to DH and then just go up and took the scissors off him. It wasn't hard.

Anway. Yeah, I kind of do think sometimes that it would be easier if i could just crack on. Harder in a way because with a baby and a challenging boy - it's good having 2 pairs of hands but in other ways not at all.

Has he always been like this, if so why did you have a 2nd baby with him? Did your contraception fail or something??

The problem is the lazier and more ineffective a husband is the more we can do without them.
I certainly couldn't be bothered with the last one any more, he brought absolutely nothing to my table and didn't make my life in any way easier.
Why is he incapable of taking scissors off a four year old. You don't ask you just take them off him, what is the problem there.

can people stop askng why i had a 2nd child with him. he wasnt' always like this. maybe a bit immature and lazy sometimes but he loved our first son very much and was good with him. then covid and we had some issues but generally we were happy in a bubble. and then got pregnant again. then DS became very hard as he grew up didn't speak. won't toilet train. stuff has got much much harder for us. I'm trying to step up, going on parenting course, follow routine, got help from local council etc, and he has just turned into a child himself. but he basically hates being told something - he's v defensive - and goes off on one. i guess he's always done that. very hard to talk to him about serious stuff as he just gets so defensive and turns it on me.

I have two DC with challenging behaviour (they are adopted so experienced lots of trauma and now have numerous diagnosis between them). My exDH was also like this. I divorced him. It WAS much easier without him as I didn't have someone constantly undermining me, plus I now have a night and day to myself every week when they stay with him and I can recharge

Is there a reason he can’t go on the course?
I agree with a PP - it’s weaponised incompetence.
He’s a lazy areshole and he doesn’t like that you’ve called him out on it.

I am a stranger, I don't know your child DS, but ASD or not, if you asked me I would have got up quickly to take a pair of scissors off of your 4 year old child who was in danger and running with them without shouting or swearing at DS (which you said your DH does)

You just distract, talk to, engage with, a child explain oh we're not playing with those, let's swap to this... anything really to slow DS's running-with-scissors roll

I am clearly not "a DS whisperer " , I am however a parent. Your DH is your DS's parent, so he should have tried immediately.

I can see why you got frustrated with him and commented how you did as dh isn't behaving like a parent, he's abdicating all that to you as it's "too hard"

Wow if only we all had that luxury of abdicating parenting our DCs when it's too hard..!

You are both parents, he needs to pick up the baton and get going. He can't defer to you and do nothing.
A good chat, and perhaps and explanation why you said what you did will get the ball rolling for him to get his act together.

So you’ve just admitted he’s always been lazy, was it planned to have a second child? If he was lazy before, gaining more responsibilities will only make him worst

Was he just sat on his phone or something watching child with scissors? Dick. Hopefully he will reflect on the truth of what you said. Stand your ground!

Can you think of anything that has triggered his behaviour? Was it was planned and a joint decision to have 2nd child? If he was always good with first son, maybe he didn’t want a second child and extra responsibility.

You could apologise for hurting his feelings if you genuinely feel sorry for what you said. It would be a bit hurtful to hear I suppose; doesn’t he wonder why you said it? If he can’t deal with his children effectively and instead of leaping into action when they’re at risk he thinks the correct course of action is to bicker about who should take the scissors away from the four year old maybe it’s time for him to have a think about what parenting means? He’s responsible for them as much as you are.

Is he generally an adherent to the time honoured principle of ‘Act daft and you’ll get a hurl for nothing’ as my granny used to say? Would that wash at work, for example? Would he direct a colleague who was otherwise engaged to drop what they’re doing and get on with it because they’re better at it? Also, if he thinks it’s a free pass for him to say you’re the only one who can deal with your four year old, and that excuses him from learning how to do it himself, he’s making problems for all of you. What happens as they get older? They won’t have much respect for him and that’s not a happy scenario for anyone.

Oh give it a rest with the judgemental crap about having another baby!

OP has just said he wasn’t like that before. People, relationships and situations change all the time.

She admitted he was lazy before the baby?😂so why go on to give him more responsibility if he’s too lazy. It’s true.

Did you miss the part where she said that in response to him threatening to leave them? Or did you deliberately ignore it, so you could berate her?

OP, he sounds shit. My life was certainly infinitely easier without my utterly useless XH.